[cyberjoke3000] September 30, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Who cares if the government shuts down? You’ve still got sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=3991

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A young couple sat down in a train compartment with an elderly man. The girl complained of a headache. The boyfriend kissed her forehead and then asked, "Is it better now?" "Yes." "Does you hurt anywhere else?" She smiled and pointed to her lips. He gave her a long kiss on the lips. "Better?" "Much." "Anywhere else?" She pointed to her neck. As he started for her neck, the elderly man, annoyed at the pitiful display, asked, "Young man, do you do hemorrhoids?"

 

I already know what my dying wish will be: to stop dying! 

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[cyberjoke3000] September 27, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Ricardo Mendonça Ferreira sends along this helpful tip for Chrome users: you can teach Chrome to search a site just by searching it manually the first time yourself. After that, you need only type a few letters of the website's URL into the address bar, press the TAB key, and then type the term you wish to search. Try it. Click here:
http://www.howjsay.com
and search for some word. Then, the next time, you can type only "howj", press TAB, and then the word you want. 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

At an Orthodox Jewish wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant. At a Conservative Jewish wedding, the bride is pregnant. At a Reform Jewish wedding, the rabbi is pregnant. At a Reconstructionist Jewish wedding, the rabbi and her wife are both pregnant!

 

Very few people can brag about getting a hand job from their barber after a haircut. But then, very few people cut their own hair. 

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[cyberjoke3000] September 26, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

No one knows how to pronounce every word. Sure there are those little symbol thingies at Dictionary.com but Forvo is the easy way.

http://www.forvo.com
Or enter “pronounce” followed by the word into Google (Forvo is usually the first site listed).
https://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en&tab=ww#hl=en&q=pronounce+subito

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Cocaine dealers are always sticking their business in other people's noses.

 

A redneck girl went to a drugstore to buy tampons for the first time. Intimidated by all the shelves full of feminine products, she timidly asked the pharmacist. "I don't know which one to buy," she said. The pharmacist answered, "Tell me, what's your flow like?" The puzzled girl responded, "Linoleum. Why?" 

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[cyberjoke3000] September 25, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Don Bostwick sends along this collection of great photography: "20 Places That Don't Look Real But Are."
http://bit.ly/1eIubDd

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Today, I'm going to give it my some.

 

A young woman and an old man are in an elevator when it suddenly stops between floors. They both smell smoke. The worried woman asked "Sir, what would you do if you only a few minutes left to live?" He quickly replied, "I'd have sex with anything that moved. How about you?" She quietly answered, "Well, under the circumstances, I think I'd stand perfectly still!" 

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[cyberjoke3000] September 24, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Ever read a web page and encounter a word you're not sure about or need to learn more about? Try Curiyo, a Chrome extension. Just “long-click” on a term and Curiyo will look it up for you.
http://bit.ly/192gs5r 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A Japanese tourist entered a bar with a white cockatoo perched on his shoulder. The bartender said, "Where on Earth did you get that?" The cockatoo replied, "There's a whole busload of 'em out in the parking lot!"

 

What should a guy do if his girlfriend forgets to take her birth control pills? Give her a good tongue-lashing! 

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[cyberjoke3000] September 23, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Now that Dexter is over, you may as well indulge yourself in a few new sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=3981

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why don't cannibals eat divorced women? They're always bitter!

 

Joan invited her country cousin, Nancy, to visit her in the big city and learn about urban life. Joan even set Nancy up with her friend Bill for a night out on the town. After a pleasant dinner, a show, some dancing and drinks, Bill and Nancy went to Bill's apartment for a nightcap. They chatted and listened to soft music for a while until Bill suggested it was time for bed. "Oh, my," protested Nancy, "I don't think my sister would like that." Bill gently took her arm and said, "Nonsense. She loves it!" 

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[cyberjoke3000] September 20, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Tired of photos with weird names? After uploading them from your camera to your computer, treat them to a visit from "PDFN Batch File Rename Utility," a versatile little free program that makes renaming trivial. It has lots of handy functions. This page describes all it can do; then click the link at the top to download it.
http://bit.ly/192sc7Z

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I read a book about anti-gravity. I couldn't put it down!

 

Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? She hoped it tasted better than Adam's banana! 

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[cyberjoke3000] September 19, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

It keeping with yesterday's "reveal any short URL" website, here's a universal conversion site: CloudConvert. It converts between 140 different formats of audio, video, document, ebook, archive, image, spreadsheet and presentation formats! You can even specify advanced options for each type. Go on, try to convert something right now! It’s great for mobile use, too, since nothing runs locally.
https://cloudconvert.org/ 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

On our ninth date, I took my girlfriend to see the new Batman movie. So far, our dates may be summarized as: dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, Batman!

 

Did you hear about the new sheepdog bra? It rounds 'em up and points 'em in the right direction! 

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[cyberjoke3000] September 18, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

While you can always trust the links I send in CyberJoke 3000™, not all emails are as benign. You should really know where a link will take you before you click it. LongURL will tell you. Simply copy the link, go to LongURL, paste the link and it will display where you would have gone. Here's a sample link (made non-clickable for your convenience):
http://bit.ly/LSLReloaded
Copy the above line and paste it into this website:
http://longurl.org 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Bert took his dog to the vet to have his tail cut off. The vet asked, "Bert, why would you want to do that?" Bert replied, "Because my mother-in-law is coming to visit us tomorrow and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome!"

 

What's worse than an out-of-tune piano? An organ that goes flat in the middle of a piece! 

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[cyberjoke3000] September 17, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Run Chrome? Try "New Metro Tab," an extension that makes your Chrome home page fully customizable and looks like Windows 8's new Start page. You can move tiles around, add, remove, resize, and customize to your heart's content. Very handy! And free.
http://bit.ly/192pGyC 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

You may be a redneck if ...your kitchen drawers contain ketchup packets!

 

"You looked troubled," Bill told Doug. "What's wrong?" Doug replied, "I'm gonna be a father." "That's great!" said Bill. Doug shook his head. "Not that great. My wife doesn't know about it yet!" 

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[cyberjoke3000] September 16, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Hey, anything happen on Breaking Bad lately?
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=3971

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Math puns are the first sine of madness.

 

Kids are like farts; yours aren't so bad, but other peoples are unbearable! 

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[cyberjoke3000] September 13, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Giant concrete arrows across America? Really?
http://bit.ly/18MSMlo
Here's another view:
http://bit.ly/18MSVVX

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Personnel Manager: "And what is your greatest weakness?" Prospective Employee: "Honesty." Personnel Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness!" Prospective Employee: "I don't care what you think!"

 

My girlfriend is saving herself for marriage. We do everything butt sex. 

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[cyberjoke3000] September 12, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Sleight of hand is one thing, but sleight of no hands? Watch as Mahdi Gilbert performs amazing card tricks... without hands!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpI1C5Zs6Cw 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I entered a marathon, but was quickly at the back of the pack. How embarrassing! The guy in front of me, who was next to last, yelled back, "Hey, man! How does it feel to be in last place?" I answered, "Do you really want to know?" and then I dropped out of the race!

 

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex. My buddy was wearing one when he got shot by a jealous husband! 

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