Sunday, November 30, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] December 1, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Take a break from all your online shopping this Cyber-Monday and click here instead:
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4611  

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Comic Sans walked into a bar. The bartender frowned and said, "We don't serve your type here."

 

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. -- Robin Williams 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, November 27, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] November 28, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

How about some "Amazing Facts Will Blow Your Mind." Okay, maybe not mind-blowing, but quite interesting!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pziElSiJgc

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak because a baby can't chew it. -- Mark Twain

 

Two lawyers were stranded on a desert island for years with nothing but a coconut tree for food. Every day one lawyer would climb to the top of their tree to look for a boat, but nothing ever came. Until... one day, when one lawyer yelled down, "I can't believe my eyes! There's a woman floating off shore." The other lawyer yelled up, "You're hallucinating! You've finally lost your mind." But sure enough, within minutes, a stunningly beautiful woman floated in, face up, unconscious, totally naked, without even a pair of earrings. The lawyers dragged her to the beach and discovered she was still alive, warm, and breathing. One said, "You know, we've been on this island for years now without a woman. It's been so long. Do you think we should... well... ya know... screw her?" The other lawyer was incredulous. "Out of what!?" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] November 27, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

CyberJokester Christian Gross sends along "the making of" yesterday's Rob Cantor video which shows he didn’t do the impressions himself but merely lip-synced. But it’s still some very impressive editing and lip-syncing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDikWvEPpLg

 

And in case you missed it, here’s the original video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6PxMRUgmbA

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Chinese food to go: $16. Gas to get the food: $2. Driving home before realizing they forgot part of your order: riceless.

 

You May Be Too Old To Trick or Treat if: You keep knocking on your own front door. Your disguise is to remove your false teeth. You request "only high-fiber soft candy." When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over. People say "Great mask," but you're not wearing one. You yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders. You choose the only costume that doesn't dislodge your hairpiece. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker. You keep having to go home to pee! 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, November 26, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] November 26, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Rob Cantor does 29 celebrity impressions while singing his original song, "Perfect." It's worth a watch:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6PxMRUgmbA 

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Guys believe that every woman dreams of finding the perfect man. No way. Women dream of eating without getting fat!

 

A man entered a psychiatrist's office with a large parrot on his shoulder. The psychiatrist said, "Wow, cool! Where’d you get him?" The parrot replied, "New York City. There's millions of 'em there!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, November 24, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] November 25, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

All you need to know about this video is in the title: "Grandmas Smoking Weed for the First Time."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRBAZJ4lF0U 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Happiness is a way of travel -- not a destination.

 

One by one the members of the Board of Directors entered the C.E.O.'s office until Bob, the newest member, sat alone. Finally, he too was summoned into the conference room with the chairman and other directors. The chairman eyed Bob and asked in a stern voice, "Bob, have you had sex with my secretary, Ms. Foyt?" "Oh, no sir, positively not!" "Are you sure?" "Yes. I've never touched her!" "And you'd swear to that?" "Yes, sir. I swear. I've never had sex with Ms. Foyt!" The C.E.O. exhaled. "Good. Then you fire her!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] November 24, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

So the European Space Agency landed a craft on a comet. Did they get any new sight gags there?
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4601

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Woody Allen says: "Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering -- and it's all over much too soon."

 

I tried that new whiskey diet. So far, I've lost three days! 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, November 20, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] November 21, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Gary Orndorff sends along this video that shows what happens when a modern 850 H.P. John Deere diesel tractor takes on an antique 18 H.P. steam tractor. You may be surprised.

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=FLQhvruimfs 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The Wit of Phyllis Diller: Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit. The best way to get rid of kitchen odors is to eat out. We spend the first two years of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next fifteen years telling them to sit down and shut up. Cleaning a house with growing kids is like shoveling a walk while it's still snowing. The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally put gin in the steam iron. Old age is when your liver spots show through your gloves. My photographs don't do me justice -- they just look like me. I had a pain beneath my left breast. Turns out it was a trick knee. Tranquilizers work best when you follow the advice on the bottle: “keep away from children.” The golf pro tells you to keep your head down so you can't see him laughing. You know you're old when your blood type is discontinued.

 

As a beautiful woman walked past a Parisian pet store, she noticed a sign in the window: "Wanted: Good Home For A Clitoris Licking Frog." She entered the store and said to the clerk, "I'm interested in the sign in your window." The clerk said, "Oui, Mademoiselle!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, November 19, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] November 20, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Rachael Lust does things with a hula hoop that I've never seen before!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGuvNtS5kb8 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A deceased man was delivered to the mortuary in an expensive black suit but his widow insisted that he be buried in his blue suit. "I don't care what it costs, just make sure he's in a blue suit for the viewing." The next day, he looked great in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. The widow asked the mortician, "Whatever this cost, it was worth it. I'm so grateful. How much extra do I owe?" "Oh, nothing. Compliments of the house. It's just a part of our full service." "But I must at least pay you the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" "Honestly, ma'am, it was free. You see, another deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in yesterday wearing a blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him being buried in a black suit instead and she said, 'No, as long as he looks nice.' So I just switched the heads!"

 

With all these lesbian marriages lately, family trees are going to look like bushes! 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, November 18, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] November 19, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester, modeler, artist and friend Jeannie Melvin sends along this helpful hint about the “dirtiest inch” in your kitchen: your can opener!

http://www.home-ec101.com/psa-is-your-can-opener-clean 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

My wife wants me to have my eyes examined; apparently I can't see things her way!

 

If two nuts on your wall are walnuts, and two nuts on your chest are chestnuts, what do you call two nuts on your chin? A blow job! 

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, November 17, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] November 18, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Melinda Harkema sends along news that The Onion (America's Finest "News" Source) has a story about Coca-Cola's new 30-Liter bottle -- which I invented in Leisure Suit Larry 2! Hey, I'm proud that writers at The Onion played Larry!
http://bit.ly/1zXQbWT

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A reporter at Mary's birthday party asked her, "What's the best thing about turning 100?" Mary thought a moment and responded, "No peer pressure!"

 

A warm toilet seat is like a prostitute: sure, it feels nice but you wonder who was there before you! 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] November 17, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

It’s too cold outside. Stay here where it’s warm and enjoy some extra sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4591 

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I once had a psychic girlfriend but she dumped me before we met.

 

How are my wife and a condom alike? They're both in my wallet instead of on my d¡¢k! 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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To contact me
For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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