Monday, August 31, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] August 31, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I remember thinking when I began my Sight Gags page that someday it might hold up to 200 images. Now look. Today we hit 5,000!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4991

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Sometime when you're bored, enter a bank and yell, "I'm rubbing this bank!" and then start rubbing the walls. It's not illegal and they can't arrest you but it will kill your afternoon!

Little Johnny caught his parents in the act. "Dad! What are you doing?" His father answered, "Uh, I'm filling your mother's tank." Johnny said, "Oh, yeah? You need a model with better mileage -- the UPS guy filled her this morning!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, August 27, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] August 28, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I love Weird Al Yankovic. And he hits a sore point of mine in this video: "Word Crimes."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Gv0H-vPoDc

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I asked a homeless man how he ended up this way. He said, "Once I had it all. Someone cooked my meals, washed my clothes, I had a roof over my head, free Internet, a TV, gym, pool, library, free classes. But now, nothing." "Wow. That's tough. When was that?" "Last week." "Last week? What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?" He answered, "Nah, nothing like that. I got out of prison!"

Sex can be a spiritual experience. For some, it's praying that they won't get caught! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] August 27, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Peter Slocombe sends along the fascinating story of the many 70-foot-long concrete arrows scattered all across America. Why? How? Ancient navigators? Well, yeah, kind of.
http://dailym.ai/1NmX3Rj 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Golf Shot Names: Rock Hudson: a putt that looked straight but wasn't. John Kennedy, Jr.: a shot that didn't quite make it over the water. Rodney King: over-clubbed. O.J.: when you get away with one. Princess Grace: should have used the driver. Princess Di: shouldn't have used the driver. Condom: safe, but didn't feel good. Brazilian: when you shave the hole. Nancy Pelosi: off to the left. Rush Limbaugh: out of bounds to the right. James Joyce: an unreadable putt. Ted Kennedy: goes in the water and jumps out. Pee Wee Herman: too much wrist. Sonny Bono: straight into a tree. Paris Hilton: an expensive hole. Al Gore: Earth first. Tiger Woods: wrong hole.

A young woman went to a psychiatrist. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor. She stammered, "Well, I, uh, I think I may be a nymphomaniac." "I see. I can help you, but I must warn you: my fee is $250 an hour." "That's not so bad," she replied. "How much for all night?" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, August 25, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] August 26, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Somebody tell Marty McFly: the hoverboard is here! But it's not gonna be cheap! It’s by Lexus, uses liquid nitrogen, and needs a surface lined with magnets!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDn6Z6vfJGs 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A bachelor is a man who has chosen to not make one woman miserable.

I'm Not Saying She's Easy, But... She's spent more time on her knees than Billy Graham! She's been laid more than linoleum! She's screwed more than Black and Decker! She's made more merry men than Robin Hood! She's turned more tricks than Houdini! She's been boarded more times than Amtrak! She's been mounted more times than Trigger! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, August 24, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] August 25, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

If you haven't used Google Translate, I bet this video will encourage you to give it a try:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06olHmcJjS0 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

As a man was getting a chest x-ray, the equipment slipped and x-ray'd his pelvic region instead. The lab technician exclaimed, "Oh, no! Your reproductive organs just received a lot of radiation!" "What does that mean?" asked the worried young man. "It could be serious," said the tech. "All your children could turn out to be lawyers!"

"How did your date go with the new boyfriend?" "It was a disaster. He ejaculated before he even got it in!" "Oh, no! What'd he say?" "He said I was the loveliest girl he had ever come across!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, August 23, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] August 24, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I moved from California to avoid the earthquakes and now Washington is on fire! Quick! Have a sight gag! 
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4981

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Three rules for healthy teeth: brush after every meal, get regular checkups, and mind your own business!

What are a woman's two most important holes? Her nostrils -- so she can breathe during blowjobs! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, August 20, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] August 21, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Have you ever noticed that every meme on the Internet seems to use that same font? Here's what it is and why:

http://bit.ly/1K06mmM 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why are so many New Yorkers depressed? Because they know that the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey!

Tony met a young woman in a bar. Soon she was back at his place. After some drinks and soft music, they were soon in the bedroom. As they were undressing each other, suddenly Tony stopped and said, "You don't have herpes, do you?" "No." she replied. "What would make you ask that?" Tony said, "Because my last girl didn't tell me till it was too late!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] August 20, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Notice anything special about the images that the New Horizon spacecraft sent back from Pluto this summer? This guy did! Here's "How to Draw Pluto the Dog Using Pluto the Planet."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbqpuhjqdf8 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two guys were talking at the bar. As one received his drink, he said, "Hey, look! An ice cube with a hole in it! Bet you've never seen one of those!" The other guy replied, "Seen one? Hell, I married one!"

How are men like videotape? Both go forward, back, forward, back, forward, back, forward, back, stop and eject! 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, August 19, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] August 19, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

With the release of Windows 10, here’s a look back at Windows through the ages, from version 1 to version 10:
http://bit.ly/1MWHGii 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why do we give children middle names? So they know when they're really in trouble!

Stan was moments away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law showed up with their newborn baby. His brother said, "Stop, Stan! Don't do it! Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday like we have?" Stan said nothing. His brother grew impatient. "C'mon, Stan. I want a nephew. Make me an uncle." Stan looked skeptical. "Do you really want a nephew?" "Yeah. It'd be an honor." "Well, congratulations, buddy. You're holding him!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, August 18, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] August 18, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

In 1998, K-Mart thought the future of Internet shopping was for customers to drive to a K-Mart and then use the Internet! Gosh, I wonder why thaht idea never caught on?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJWLd4nhLI4 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A bachelor is a man who is footloose and fiancée-free.

On the first day of school, the fourth grade teacher asked the children their names. One boy said, "My name is Johnny Fockhauer." She didn't smile. "There's no silliness in my classroom. Now, John: what is your real last name?" "Honest, teacher: it's Fockhauer. Ask my brother if you don't believe me. He's in grade five!" The teacher went to the fifth grade classroom, leaned in the door, and asked, "Do you have a Fockhauer in here?" One smart aleck kid in the back yelled, "Hell, no! Most days we don't even get recess!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, August 16, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] August 17, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Less than 450 days left until the 2016 election. I feel for the poor people of Iowa!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4971  

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A horse walked into a bar. His trainer yelled, "Next time, jump!"

Once I thought I was the world's greatest lover. Then I learned my girlfriend has asthma! 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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