Sunday, January 31, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] February 1, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

It’s finally Caucus Day! But if you don’t live in Iowa, it’s just another Monday. Here. Caucus this:
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5211  

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The Worst Children's Books: "Let's Draw Betty and Veronica without Any Clothes," "Bob the Germ's Wondrous Journey Into and Out of Your Digestive System," "Dick, Jane, and Spot Wander The Hood," "The Little Engine that Could Becomes Intoxicated and Kills Civilians," "The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad," "Clifford the Big Red Dog Accidently Eats his Master and is Put to Sleep," "Nutritional Benefits of Things From Your Nose," "Daddy Loses His Job but Finds the Bottle," "The Tickling Babysitter," "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer's Games of Revenge," "A Pictorial History of Circus Geek Suicides," "Bedtime Stories by Charles Manson," "Babar Meets a Taxidermist and Becomes a Piano," "Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence," "The Boy Who Died from Eating Too Many Vegetables," "Legendary Scab Workers," "Teddy: the Elf with the Detached Retina," "Joe Garagiola Recalls Favorite Fairy Tales But Forgets the Endings," "The Human Anatomy Pop-up Book," "Things Rich Kids Have that You Never Will," "The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Put Down."

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She choked! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, January 28, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] January 29, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Bob Yetter sends along this Atlas Obscura video about "The Last Tree of Ténéré." It seems there was one lone tree, standing in the middle of 500 miles of Saharan Desert, until...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4D93K11VfE 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A young teacher substituted for a friend who was on her honeymoon. Later, someone started to introduce her to the groom. He stopped them, saying, "Oh, we know each other already. She substituted for my wife on our honeymoon!"

Advantages of Dating an Older Woman: She'll never get pregnant and demand that you marry her. In fact, if you do get her pregnant, you'll be the last to know! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] January 28, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

How about a short film that kicked off a recent Caltech quantum computing conference, was directed by Alex Winter of Bill and Ted, narrated by Keanu Reeves, and features Stephen Hawking calling Paul Rudd a punk? Watch Anyone Can Quantum:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hi0BzqV_b44  

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

My pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. I'm pretty sure she's going to get me something!

A high school guidance counselor, used to dealing with emotional teenagers, was surprised when her tween daughter arrived at breakfast, her feet dragging and her eyes red. The girl flopped down and announced, "Mom, I'm sick of Life!" Mom rushed over, put her arm around the girl and began to explain why life is worth living. The daughter interrupted her with a confused look. "Mom, I meant the cereal. That's the only brand we've had for weeks!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, January 26, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] January 27, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Charlie Gregor sends along this Red Bull video that has everything: BASE jumping, parachuting, stunt planes, wingsuits, helicopter, high speed driving -- you name it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmBvgs-qqPY
And don't miss the "making of" video either:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2lk0eDqwAQ 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Jim was glad to finally receive the UPS package with his replacement cell phone. He thought he should test it, so he dialed his home number. In the kitchen, his wife answered and said, "Hi, sweetie. Let me call you back; my husband's in the other room!"

A woman asked a grocery store clerk, "Do you have any nuts?" He replied, "Alas, ma'am, I do not." She then asked, "Do you have any dates?" He replied, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, why would you expect me to date?"  

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] January 26, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Here’s how not to drop a giant anchor!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFrU3NL5Hlo  

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two fleas walked out of a movie theater and discovered it was raining -- hard. One flea asked, "Shall we walk?" The other replied, "No, let's catch a dog!"

Debbie was a knockout, but not so much in the smarts department. Fortunately, Tom's plans for the evening weren't intellectual. After they returned to his apartment for a nightcap, he fixed the drinks while Debbie explored, stopping now and then to ask a question. In front of the fireplace, she pointed at a carved wooden object on the mantel and asked, "What is that?" "Oh, that? It's African. Used in fertility rites. It's a phallic symbol." "Oh, I see," said Debbie demurely. "I'd hate to tell you what it looks like!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, January 25, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] January 25, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

You probably can’t get to work today anyway because of all the snow so enjoy these:
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5201 

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Isn't it cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos?

The speed with which a woman answers, "Nothing!" when asked, "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the ensuing sh¡tstorm! 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



__._,_.___
Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, January 21, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] January 22, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Who says the field of mixed refuse is boring? Not this guy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aev1DVGjyJs 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

It's no wonder J. C. Penny is in financial difficulty when it named its line of clothes for older women: "Sag Harbor!"

A tall Texan rancher in a tall Stetson hat strode into a rather sleazy cocktail lounge with his buddies. As the veteran waitress wiped a table, a passing cowboy slapped her on the ass, and said, "Ah shore do wish Ah had me a little pussy." Without stopping, she responded, "So do I. Mine's the size of your hat!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



__._,_.___
Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, January 20, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] January 21, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Tyson Y. Cote sends along this interactive visual of a climb up Mount Everest, done by the Discovery Channel, showing the scene of last year’s avalanche. Be sure to look around once you get to the top. I don't know about you, but this is as close to summiting as I'll ever get!
http://everestavalanchetragedy.com/mt-everest-journey.html 

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

My wife read our son's horoscope and thought it appropriate: "You've spent the past few weeks looking for escape, but now it's time to get on with your life." Our son was one day old!

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were in an elevator. The brunette noticed some white liquid on the floor, bent down, took a closer look, and said, "That looks like come." The redhead bent down, sniffed it, and agreed. "Yes, and it smells like come, too." The blonde got down, touched it with the tip of her finger, tasted it, and said, "Well, it's nobody from our building..." 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



__._,_.___
Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] January 20, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Gary Orndorff sends along this TED talk that includes an incredible slow-motion film on pollination which, while it's vital to life on Earth, is largely unseen by humans.

http://bit.ly/1ljR6M3

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

On the same day, an Air Force pilot earned his wings and got married. His father said, "It's not every day that a man get his wings in the morning and has them clipped in the evening!"

Wife: "I had a dream last night where they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars." Husband: "How much were ones like mine?" Wife: "Those they gave away." Husband: "I had a dream last night, too. They were auctioning off vaginas. The pretty ones went for a hundred dollars and the little tight ones went for two hundred." Wife: "And how much were ones like mine?" Husband: "That's where they held the auction!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Every past issue is here.
To join, send a blank email here.
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Go here, unsubscribe your old address, then resubscribe with your new address.

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



__._,_.___
Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, January 18, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] January 19, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Google announced its first ever mini-Street View of Miniatur Wunderland, the world’s largest model railroad. As a model railroader, it blew me away when I visited a few years back. First, watch this video about it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnqh8xhDh7Q

and then go play with the interactive map:

http://g.co/MiniaturWunderland 

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Being male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. Being a gentleman is a matter of choice.

Soon after Curly married a beautiful model, Larry stopped by to visit them but was surprised to see a long line of men waiting at Curly's front door. "Curly, what's with all the guys?" "Oh, my wife takes turns having sex with them." "What?! And you put up with that? Man, why don't you just divorce that unfaithful bitch?" Curly said, "What? And go to the back of the line?!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
If you can read, you qualify! And it really is free.
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Every past issue is here.
To join, send a blank email here.
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To contact me
For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



__._,_.___
Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, January 17, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] January 18, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Today I need some sight gags after that Seahawks game yesterday!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5191 

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

There's at least one advantage to dating older women: they know how to cook, where young women only know how to speed-dial for take-out!

"WARNING: Consumption of alcoholic beverages may cause you to..." "...dance like an asshole." "...tell the same boring story over and over." "...discover rug burns on your forehead." "...say things like 'thish'." "...tell your boss what you really think." "...believe your ex-lovers are dying to hear from you at three in the morning." "...wonder what happened to your pants." "...wake up in the morning beside something really scary." "...think you're tougher than some big guy named Psycho." "...wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a sh¡t wagon!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
If you can read, you qualify! And it really is free.
You can learn more about it here.
Every past issue is here.
To join, send a blank email here.
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To contact me
For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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