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Today's
Roseanne Barr says: "Women complain about PMS, but to me, it's the only time of the month I can be myself!"
Their 10-year-old daughter dropped a bombshell at Sunday dinner. "I'm not a virgin any more." He turned to his wife and said, "That's your fault! Always flirting with other men, commenting on every hunk on TV, swearing like a sailor!" Then he faced his 18-year-old daughter. "And you, you're also to blame! You screw every guy you meet. And I know about all those sex toys in your bedside table!" His wife countered, "Shut up! You spend money on whores. The only movies you own are porn! And that slutty secretary of yours!" She turned to the little girl who started it all, and her voice softened. "How did it happen, darling? Did some boy at school seduce you?" "What? No, Mom! The teacher changed the cast of the Easter play so I'm now part of the crowd at the cross instead of a virgin!"
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