Thursday, January 29, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] January 30, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester and DCC-Master Doug Bulger sends along this web page listing ten scientific ideas that scientists want people to stop misusing. Terms like "proof," "theory," and eight more. Read it and change the way you talk and think about science!
http://tw.gs/zyUac5 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Walter Plinge, the inventor of predictive text, has died. His funfair will be hello on sundial.

 

I got a new job in a sexual health clinic. Now I'm at your cervix! 

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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, January 28, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] January 29, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Dallas Parker sends along this webpage detailing changes George Lucas has made to the original Star Wars films, in painstaking detail. If, like me, you fondly remember these films, check out what's been altered over the various editions:

http://bit.ly/1Dvdvdx 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

 

I've read that women love to have whipped cream licked off their breasts, but since my girlfriend has silicone implants, I use non-dairy topping! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, January 27, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] January 28, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I don't know the source of this video, but a European city staged 24 hours of music by J. S. Bach, a TV station recorded it, and broadcast these two hours of highlights. This features every type of performing group imaginable, with just one similarity: Bach.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz1lYc3NfoM 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why do banks charge a fee for insufficient funds when they can see you're short of money already?

 

A young couple was parked on Lovers' Lane when he said, "You smell so good. Are you wearing perfume?" She blushed charmingly and confessed, "Yes, I am. I bought it just for you. You smell good, too. What do you have on?" He blurted, "I have a hard-on, but I didn't know you could smell it!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, January 26, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] January 27, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Just in time for the Super Bowl, here's "Bad NFL Lip Reading 2015."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTRmyXX6ipU 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The football coach asked, "Who can jump higher than that goal post?" Bubba's hand shot up. "Ooh, me, sir. Me!" "What? Bubba, you're the worst athlete we got!" Bubba said, "Mebbe so, but that goal post cain't jump a'tall!"

 

All his life, Irv was ashamed of his tiny member. Most women dumped him as soon as they saw it. So, when he found a girl he really liked, he decided not to wait to show her. That evening, while they were making out, Irv unzipped his pants, pulled it out, and put it in her hand. Without looking, she said, "Oh, no, thanks. I don't smoke." 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, January 25, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] January 26, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Evidently, the State of our Union is sound. It’s our footballs that aren’t!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4681 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I just dropped a piece of popcorn on the floor and my Roomba beat me to it. Thus begins the war against the machines!

 

Little Johnny passed his parents' bedroom and saw his mom bouncing up and down on top of his dad. Mom quickly dismounted, dressed, and hurried to find him. Little Johnny asked her what she was doing and she mother replied, "Sometimes I help Daddy flatten his big tummy." "You're wasting your time," said Little Johnny. "Why?" “Because while you're shopping, the next door neighbor comes over, gets on her knees, and inflates him again!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, January 22, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] January 23, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Erika Thompson teaches in Whittier, Alaska, a town where everyone lives in the same building. Seriously.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naPguX84Amg 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Science Majors Only: A physics professor asked her class, "If you had a kindle of kittens at the top of a playground slide and released them one at a time, which would get to the bottom first?" A wag in the back of the room yelled, "The one with the lowest mu!"

 

How does a cheating college student differ from a gynecologist? One snatches exams... 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, January 21, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] January 22, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

If you can watch this video without smiling, check your pulse -- because you must be dead!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7t0EtKlQxyo 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one; they're efficient and not funny.

 

Single women know the only difference between being hungry and being horny is where you put the cucumber! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, January 20, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] January 21, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Marty Cooper once again makes our ordinary Earth into a place of whimsy by using good old cell-based animation on video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V-kc5Hc1iE

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I want a job cleaning mirrors. I can see myself doing that.

 

"Hey, Jim, you look fit and healthy. Start a new diet?" "Nope." "Join a fitness club then?" "Nope." "But your face looks so fresh and healthy. What's your secret?" "Got a new girlfriend." "But how does that make your skin so smooth?" Jim explained, "Well, my new girl is extremely hairy down below. In fact, she's like a wire brush." "Yeah. So?" "So, now, every night I exfoliate and moisturize!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] January 20, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Cardistry is defined as the art of complicated and ornate shuffles. These talented guys have spent many hours practicing to demonstrate card handling made beautiful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azokD0WrijI

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I went to an emotional wedding last week. Even the cake was in tiers!

 

A door-to-door salesman came to a house with many cars parked outside. He rang the bell and a gorgeous young woman answered the door. Before beginning his sales pitch, his curiosity got the better of him and he asked, "Are all those cars yours?" "Yes, they are." "How do you have so many?" She smiled. "Well, I like to make little bets with gentlemen. If they lose, they give me their car." The salesman was skeptical. "What's the bet?" "All you have to do is exactly what my son does." "Is that all? How old's your son?" "Seven." The salesman can't resist. "Okay, I'll bet you my car that I can do anything your son can do, but if I win, what do I get?" "I'll not only buy your product, I'll show you a good time in my bedroom." The salesman grinned and she called her son. "Tommy, put your hand up Mommy's blouse." Tommy did so and the salesman gladly did, too. "Tommy, put your hand in my bra." Tommy did so and the salesman quickly did, too. "Tommy, put your hand up my skirt." Tommy did so and the salesman enthusiastically did, too. "Now, Tommy, bend your dick." The salesman handed her his car keys! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, January 18, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] January 19, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Trailing 19-7 with 2:15 to go? No problem! Congratulations to the Seattle Seahawks on going back to the Super Bowl!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4671  

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

 

A hooker asked a prospective client, "How 'bout fifty bucks for some oral sex?" The man responded, "No way. I'm married!" "So? What difference does that make?" He said, "'Cause my wife'll do it for twenty-five!" 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, January 15, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] January 16, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Let's say you have a Rolex Submariner wristwatch that’s worth thousands of dollars and you want to take it completely apart, clean it, and reassemble it. Here's all you have to do, severely sped up and heavily edited, of course!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfNOgWGME_c 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

To whoever stole my Microsoft Office: You're gonna pay. You have my Word!

 

The sales girl at the sex shop didn't bat an eye when a man requested an artificial vagina. Instead, she asked, "What will you use it for?" "None of your business!" he answered, embarrassed. "Calm down, sir. I'm just asking because, if you say it's food, there's no sales tax!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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