Wednesday, November 30, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] December 1, 2011



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Here are some stunning time lapse sequences taken recently from the International Space Station. Be sure to watch full screen in high def. There's a list describing the location of the shots below the video.
http://www.flixxy.com/the-best-hd-view-of-earth-from-space-ever.htm 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

He: "Women are so strange; they'll say they went shopping when they don't buy a thing." She: "Yeah, and men say they're fishing when they don't catch a thing!"

Did you hear about Dykies, a new running shoe just for lesbians? The tongues are extra long! 


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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] November 30, 2011



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Mitch sends along this pertinent page of Amazon reviews on a product recently in the news: pepper spray. It's another list of creative black humor.

http://amzn.to/w0D03i

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A little boy was in the habit of saying "darn." His mother did not approve. "John, see this dollar bill? I'll give it to you if you promise not to say 'darn' again." "Okay, Mom," said Little Johnny. "I promise." But as he stared at the money, he got an evil grin. "Hey, Mom. I know a word that's worth a twenty!"

The new maid complained to her mistress, "Ma'am, it's your husband. Every time he sees me he wants to touch me, to kiss me, to have me sit on his lap…." Madam interrupted, "Oh, Mary. Don't let that bother you -- just go on with your housework. He used to try that same sh¡t with me!" 


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Monday, November 28, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] November 29, 2011



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Zadir reminds me that another free directory assistance number that I sent out years ago still works: 800-FREE-411. You may have to wait through a 10-second commercial, but if you have no other choice but to pay big bucks to the phone company when you need a number, use 800-FREE-411 instead.

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Did you hear about the new line of Elvis-themed steakhouses? They're for people who love meat tender.

A Dublin doctor wanted to skip work to go fishing. He told his assistant, "Murphy, I'm going fishing tomorrow and want you to mind the clinic and take care of all me patients." "Yes, sir!" answered Murphy. After a relaxing day of fishing the doctor returned and asked, "So, Murphy, how did it go?" Murphy replied, "Great. You only had three patients. The first one had a headache so I gave him Paracetamol." "Bravo, Murphy lad. And the second?" "He had indigestion so I gave him Gaviscon." "Excellent. You're good at this, Murph! How about the third?" "Well, sir, that one was more interesting. This gorgeous young woman bolted in, tore off every stitch of her clothes, laid down on the table, and shouted, 'Help me. I haven't seen a man in five years'!" "Tunderin' Lard Jesus, Murphy! What did you do?" asked the doctor. Murphy replied, "I put Visine drops in her eyes!" 


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[cyberjoke3000] November 28, 2011



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Now that the tryptophan has worn off, how about a little Sight Gag banquet?
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3121

(I knew that I misspelled tryptophan, but I hit send before I checked my work. Sorry! Delete the other email from today, please.)

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"John," asked the teacher, "why didn't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning." Little Johnny replied, "Yeah? What?" "You had eggs." "Wrong, Teach. That was yesterday!"

Great news for these financially challenged times: I found a hooker who charges by the inch. Obviously, I can't afford her, but I thought you might enjoy knowing! 


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Sunday, November 27, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] November 28, 2011



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Now that the triptofan has worn off, how about a little Sight Gag banquet?
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3121

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"John," asked the teacher, "why didn't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning." Little Johnny replied, "Yeah? What?" "You had eggs." "Wrong, Teach. That was yesterday!"

Great news for these financially challenged times: I found a hooker who charges by the inch. Obviously, I can't afford her, but I thought you might enjoy knowing! 


To hear jokes instead of reading them, download "Al's Comedy Club" for your iPhone, iPod, or iPad. It's less than a buck!


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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Thursday, November 24, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] November 25, 2011



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Google dropped its old GOOG-411 service, but Microsoft picked up the ball. For a phone number, address and/or directions to any commercial establishment, dial 800-BING-411. (Of course, if you have a smartphone, use your browser and just google it.)

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Gracie Allen's Classic Roast Beef Recipe: Put a large roast of beef and a small roast of beef in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done!

A Catholic girl confessed to her priest, "I'm pregnant." He asked, "How did this happen, my child?" She said, "I think it must be the second coming." The priest was shocked. "What makes you think it's the second coming?" She replied, "Because I swallowed the first one!"   


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[cyberjoke3000] November 24, 2011



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Happy Thanksgiving! I plan to express my thanks for another wonderful year. And a special thank you to each of you, who share your jokes with me so that I can share them with the 7,500 people on this list! 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A mother was playing with her young daughter when the bell rang. Mom looked through the peephole and said softly, "Oh, no. It's that old hag from next door again!" But she smiled as she opened the door to welcome her in. Her guest entered, noticed the child, and said in a sweet voice, "My, what a lovely daughter you have! She's precious!" The child looked at her mother and said, "Mommy, she's not an old hag. She's nice!"

Remember the seven qualities of the perfect girlfriend: Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, and Sensible. Me? I just remember the initials. 


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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] November 23, 2011



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Zadir sends along this beautiful, calming video with close-up, time-lapse photography of opening flowers. Nice! (Be sure to watch it in high-definition.)
http://vimeo.com/27920977 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that it's difficult to determine whether or not they are genuine." -- Abraham Lincoln

Jim told Devin: "Thanksgiving Day is no different from any other day for me, sitting at the table with a fat bird that doesn't gobble anymore!" 


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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Monday, November 21, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] November 22, 2011



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Wayne A. Wright sends along Tropical Glen, a jukebox site that plays the Top 100 hits of years from 1950 to 1989. Plus, they offer many channels of specific music styles.

http://www.tropicalglen.com 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I wanted a wife who was beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. Then I learned polygamy is illegal!

What's the difference between a bowling ball and a truck stop waitress? You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball! 


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[cyberjoke3000] November 21, 2011



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

The NBA season is cancelled but do I care? That just gives me more time for Sight Gags!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3111

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

 

Minnie Pearl said, "The doctor must have put my pacemaker in wrong. Every time my husband kisses me, the neighbor's garage door opens!"

"Dr. Peterson, how long before I can resume sexual activity?" asked the young blond after her procedure. He replied, "That's the first time I've been asked that ...and I've been a dentist for thirty years!"


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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Thursday, November 17, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] November 18, 2011



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

If you accidentally erase photos from your memory card, immediately stop using that card. Google “memory card file recovery,” download a program, and you can undelete them.

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Our premarital counselor told us that marriage was a union: a union of heart, a union of soul, a union of minds. Nobody mentioned I had to pay those high union dues!

Why would anyone name an airline Virgin? I want to fly on an airline that goes all the way! 


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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] November 17, 2011



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Dave Goordman sent this last Friday for Veteran's Day but I think you’ll also enjoy it today. Six men drive up in a Jeep, hop out, disassembly and reassemble the Jeep in less than four minutes!

http://www.coolestone.com/media/1454/Six-Guys-And-A-Jeep/

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Did you hear about the dyslexic who had a mild heart attack, but nearly died before the paramedics got to him? He dialed 119!

John requested time off so his wife could have a baby. The next day, his boss asked, "Well? What was it, a boy or a girl?" "Too early to say," replied John. "We'll know for sure in nine months!" 


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Copyright information
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