Joke For All: January 2012

Monday, January 30, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 31, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I swear I watched Friday's pool trick shots video the day before I sent the link to you. I'm sorry if you clicked it and it wasn't available. Here’s the same video via another link. Click it quick before it disappears: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hq0C5X654b8

CyberJokester Gary Orndorff sends along "White Pages Neighbors," which is exactly what the name describes. Enter an address and it displays a map of the neighborhood listing all your neighbors and often their phone numbers. Of course, some info may be incorrect or out of date but still -- what a great way to plan a neighborhood block party!
http://neighbors.whitepages.com

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Cecil asked Morris, "Is it all right to smoke while praying?" Morris replied, "Why don't you ask the rabbi?" So Cecil asked Rabbi Golden, "Rabbi, is it permissible for me to smoke while I pray?" "No, of course not. That's disrespectful to our religion and traditions!" Cecil went back to Morris to tell him the result. Morris said, "I'm not surprised; you asked it wrong. Here, watch this." Morris went over to the rabbi and asked, "Rabbi, is it okay to pray while I smoke?" Rabbi Golden replied, "By all means, my good man. By all means."

Graffito over a bar urinal: "I f*¢ked your Mom." Next graffito: "Go home, Dad. You're drunk!"

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Sunday, January 29, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 30, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Members of Congress and distinguished guests, I wish to assure you that the State of our Sight Gags is laughable!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3211

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Morris had to quit school to support his family and thus never learned to read or write. He signed his checks "XX." But he started his own business, which soon prospered, making Morris rich. One day, his office phone rang. "Morris, this is the bank. We've got a check with your name on it but it's signed with three X's and you always sign with two." "Oh, that was my wife's idea," explained Morris. "Ever since we became rich, she thought I should have a middle name!"

How are an anniversary, a toilet and a clitoris alike? Men always miss them all!

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Friday, January 27, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 27, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Want to see some amazing trick pool shots, complete with an attractive blonde "obstacle" on the table? Florian Kohler has mad pool skillz!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SkWMqmLaTU

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A man called his mother and said, "Hi, Mom. How are you?" "Fine." "Oh, sorry. Wrong number!"

Bob, a middle-aged Canadian visiting Orlando, found a brothel, took a seat, and the madam sent over a cute young lady to entertain him. They frolicked a little, drank a little, and soon she was sitting on his lap. He whispered in her ear. She gasped and ran away! Madam found this odd, but sent over a more experienced woman, but the same thing happened again. Madam was surprised; this ordinary-looking man requested something so outrageous that neither girl would consent. She decided to send in her most experienced girl, Lola. "Lola will do anything," she thought. "Nothing surprises her." But soon Lola screamed, "No way, buddy!" slapped Bob, and left. Madam was intrigued. "What could it be?" Now, she hadn't done any "hands on" work in a long while, but she was confident she could handle anything, so she plopped down on Bob's lap, talked a while, giggled, drank and sure enough, Bob soon whispered in her ear, "Do you accept Canadian currency?"

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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 26, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Roberta sends along this amazing video of a gorilla family wandering through a safari camp and interacting with a man who got some real "up close and personal" time.

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=69c_1324490734

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

He: "After all these years of marriage, I feel like we're still dating." She: "Oh, dear: you're so sweet." He: "Yeah. You wouldn't put out back then, either!"

A stacked blonde appeared in a strapless evening gown that defied gravity. "You look terrific!" said her admiring escort. "I don't see what holds that dress up!" She murmured, "Play your cards right and you will!"

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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 25, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Ever wonder if a website was safe? Find out what Google thinks by substituting the web site in question for my site's address at the end of the link below. (Or if you click the link now, you can see what Google thinks of me.)
http://www.google.com/safebrowsing/diagnostic?site=allowe.com

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A woman went to a plastic surgeon to have her wrinkles removed, but when she woke up, she found the surgeon had given her breast implants instead. "What have you done?" she demanded. The quick-thinking surgeon responded, "Hey, at least now, no one will notice your wrinkles!"

A deputy sheriff was explaining courtroom procedures to a group of ninth-graders. Court was in recess and only the clerk and a young man wearing handcuffs were in the room. "This is where the judge sits," he began, pointing to the bench. "The lawyers sit at these tables. That's the court clerk over there. The court stenographer sits here. That's the witness stand. And over there is where the jury sits. As you can see, it takes a lot of people to make the judicial system work." The prisoner raised his cuffed hands and said, "Yeah, but I'm the guy who makes it all happen!"

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[cyberjoke3000] January 24, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

How about some amazing close-up magic from last week's Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas? I have no idea how he does it!
http://www.flixxy.com/magic-at-ces.htm

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Follow your dreams ...except that one where you're naked in church!

A daughter brought her new boyfriend home from college. The young man said to her father, "Sir, I realize it's merely a formality, but I'm here to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage." Dad looked surprised. "And where did you get the idea that this was just a formality?" "From our Lamaze instructor!"

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Sunday, January 22, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 23, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I apologize for missing Friday’s CyberJoke 3000™. You may have seen on the news: the Pacific Northwest had heck of a snowstorm, for which we’re not well-prepared. Our power was out for 30+ hours, came back on for 4, then went out again. But we’re back now and hopefully this time it will stay on for a long time! I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for some sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3201

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two young boys were fishing when the game warden came out of the bushes. Immediately, one boy threw down his pole and ran away through the woods. The game warden ran right after him. After about five minutes, the youngster stopped to catch his breath and the game warden caught up. "All right, son. Let's see your fishing license," the warden gasped. The boy pulled out his wallet and handed him a valid license. The game warden was confused. "If you have a valid fishing license, why did you run?" The young man replied, " ‘Cause my buddy don't!"

"I think my husband may have visited prostitutes before we married." "Really? What makes you think so?" "Well, last night while we were playing around, he picked me up and headed for the bedroom. I giggled and asked him, 'Should I struggle?' and he said, 'I don't know. Does it cost extra?' "

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Thursday, January 19, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 19, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Want to see some amazing sports tricks? CyberJokester Paul sends along this incredible video. (I often wonder how many wipeouts their bodies had to endure to be able to produce these miraculous shots.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEu42L0ufBY

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Remember: If it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

Two attractive young nurses were having coffee when one mentioned her fiancé's extraordinary sexual appetite. "I barely have the strength to come to work in the mornings," she said. "And now that he's on vacation, things will be more intense when he returns." "How long is he off?" asked her friend. "Oh, it varies, but usually I have time to smoke a cigarette!"

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 18, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Hillel Stoler sends along this webpage that's guaranteed to bring back (not necessarily fond) memories: The Restart Page. See and hear Apple ][gs, Win98, even Next, with all those ugly bootup screens you've finally blotted from your memory.
http://www.therestartpage.com

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Dear Abby: "I want to trace my family history but can't afford to spend a lot of money. Any suggestions? Signed, Sam in California." Dear Sam in California: "Run for public office."

Tired of having a child every year, a woman asked her doctor what was causing them. The doctor responded by handing her a box of condoms. "Tell your husband to put one of these on his organ every time before you have sex." A few months later, she returned, pregnant again -- and mad as hell. The doctor said, "Did your husband do as I instructed?" She replied, "Every time! Except, since we don't have an organ, he put them on the piano!"

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[cyberjoke3000] January 17, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

"Fishing Under Ice" is a fascinating video from Finland that you simply must see. And then figure out how they did it. 3M views in a week!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIs00QjiJZQ

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Buddy Hackett said: My wife told me she wanted to be cremated. I said, "How about Tuesday?"

After years of marriage, the love life of Frankenstein's monster and his wife, the Bride of Frankenstein, was at a standstill. Every night, Frank came home from work, ate his dinner, and watched TV until he fell asleep. Unsatisfied, Bride decided to see a therapist. "He's just never in the mood," she complained. The therapist suggested a romantic dinner. But she returned unhappy. "Still nothing," she complained. The therapist suggested, "Next time, put on sexy lingerie and lure him into the bedroom." But again she returned unfulfilled. The therapist pulled out all the stops. "You must recreate the moment that sparked your love," he said. Soon, Bride was back -- and this time with a smile. "Thank you so much. Last night, Frank and I went outside during a thunderstorm and, right there in our backyard, we made love like the very first time." "A thunderstorm put him in the mood?" asked the surprised therapist. The Bride of Frankenstein replied, "Yeah. I tied a kite to his pen¡s!"

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Sunday, January 15, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 16, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I, too, have a dream: to make you smile with a few new sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3191

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

How are UFOs and caring men alike? You hear about them, but you've probably never seen one!

Mike and Steve were discussing their weekends. Mike said, "This weekend, I hooked up with that new girl in accounting, Jenny Smith." "Jenny Smith!? What happened?" Mike said, "Well, let's just say, 'I got lucky'." Steve said, "From what I've heard about Jenny, I wouldn't call it lucky." "I would," said Mike, smugly. Steve grimaced. "In that case, Mike, you're the luckiest guy I know with the clap!"

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Friday, January 13, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 13, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester John Novotny sends along these breathtakingly beautiful views of Earth shot from the ISS. Wow. Be sure to play the videos, too. Isn't our planet just the best?!
http://bit.ly/yOJJZu

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

What did the atheist say during orgasm? "Oh, random chance!"

A pair of eagles were nearly hit by a fighter jet. "Wow!" said one eagle. "Look at that guy go!" The other eagle replied, "Well, you'd go too if you had two a$$holes and they were both on fire!"

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Joke For All

Monday, January 30, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 31, 2012

Sunday, January 29, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 30, 2012

Friday, January 27, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 27, 2012

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 26, 2012

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 25, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 24, 2012

Sunday, January 22, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 23, 2012

Thursday, January 19, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 19, 2012

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 18, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 17, 2012

Sunday, January 15, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 16, 2012

Friday, January 13, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] January 13, 2012

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