Sunday, September 30, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] October 1, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Now that the NFL is safe for referees, you substitutes have plenty of time for sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3541 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The older I get, the fewer things are worth a wait in line.

 

A guitar player told his girlfriend, "Baby, I can play you like my guitar." She replied, "I'd rather you played me like a harmonica!" 


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Friday, September 28, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] September 28, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Wallace Krebs sends along this short video of the luckiest truck driver in Russia. He crashes his rig, flies out through the windshield, lands on his feet, and walks away.
http://youtu.be/qqDrnR2bWk4

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The psychiatrist told the young mother, "You're far too upset and worried about your son. Here's a prescription for tranquillizers. Take one daily." On her next visit, the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?" "Oh, yes," answered the young mother. "They're wonderful." "And how's your son?" She smiled. "Who cares?"

 

What's the difference between a diabetic checking his insulin level and a guy surfing the web for porn? One pricks his finger... 


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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] September 27, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Want to do a low-level flyover of the Statue of Liberty, Niagara Falls, Mt. Rushmore, Monument Valley and more of America's most beautiful sights? Now you can:
http://www.flixxy.com/flying-over-america.htm 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I just booked a table for our wedding anniversary but I expect the evening to end in tears. She's just not that good at snooker!

 

"Larry, does your wife scream during sex?" "Boy, does she! I can hear her from the bar!" 


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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] September 26, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Bonny Ploeg sends along this amazing, frightening, fascinating video of a man descending inside a volcano crater until he's only 30 meters above a bubbling lava lake. Don't try this at home!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuQrUwFn6bU 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

If you get an email that says you can catch salmonella from canned ham, just delete it -- it's Spam!

 

Cultural Differences: In Tokyo, a man accidently tore a girl's miniskirt. Before he could apologize, she bowed from the waist and said, "I am so sorry to give you trouble. The quality of my skirt is not good." Then she took out a pin, put the skirt back together, and left. In New York City, a man accidently tore a girl's miniskirt. Before he could apologize, she gave him her lawyer's business card and said, "You'll hear from him tomorrow about this sexual harassment. See you in court." In Taiwan, a man accidently tore a girl's miniskirt. Before he could apologize, she smiled and said, "Wait until we agree on a price before you inspect the merchandise." In London, a man accidently tore a girl's miniskirt. Before he could apologize, she covered the torn spot and said with a blush, "Would you mind taking me home, sir? I live very close." He removed his jacket, put it over her shoulders, hailed a cab, and took her home. In China, a man accidently tore a girl's miniskirt. Before he could apologize, she slapped him and said, "You sex maniac! Take advantage of me and I will have you sent to a labor camp." In Paris, a man accidently tore a girl's miniskirt. Before he could apologize, she smiled and said, "If you please, a red rose could represent your apology." He bought her a rose, they went to a bar, and ended the evening in a small hotel, discussing what was inside the miniskirt. In Korea, a man accidently tore a girl's miniskirt. Before he could apologize, she gave him a kick, saying, "I'm a second degree black belt. Do you want to die?" In Thailand, a man accidently tore a girl's miniskirt. Before he could apologize, she said with a smile, "No worries, honey. We're all men here!" 


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Monday, September 24, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] September 25, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Jason recently interviewed me for All-Generation Gamers. It turned into a fun conversation about life at Sierra back in the day, Leisure Suit Larry, our new remake, and much more. Download or listen to the podcast here:
http://goo.gl/AmLdf 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

 

What do you call a Jewish woman who catches her husband in the act with his secretary? "The plaintiff." 


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Sunday, September 23, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] September 24, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Whether you’re in the 47% or the 53%, some new sight gags will make you feel better!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3531 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

If you can't afford your annual health check-up, just go to the airport. You'll get a free X-ray and breast exam. And, if you mention al-Qaeda, you'll also get a free colonoscopy!

 

Lena and Sven got married in St. Paul and then caught a bus to honeymoon in Duluth. The bus was filled with deer hunters. Thirty minutes out of St. Paul, the bus broke down in front of a nice hotel. Sven said, "Lena, there's a hotel right here. How about ve consummate our marriage?" Lena said, "No. I vant to vait till ve get to Duluth." Soon, the bus was repaired and their journey continued but after fifty miles, it broke again, right in front of a nice motel. Sven said, "Lena, there's a nice motel right here. How about ve consummate our marriage?" Lena said, "No. I'll vait till Duluth." The bus got fixed again but only went ten miles before it broke again, in the middle of a forest. This time, Lena said, "Sven, I tink ve should go into these voods and do it." Sven needed no further encouragement. As they walked back to the bus, he asked, "Lena, vhen ve vere by that nice hotel you refused and vhen ve vere by that nice motel you refused, but here in the woods you wanted to do it. Why?" Lena said, "Didn't you hear those deer hunters? They said if that bus breaks down again, the f*¢king season vill be over!" 


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Thursday, September 20, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] September 21, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

My friend, D. J., is a professional chef who grew to a weight of 350 pounds. Over the past two years, he's lost 150 pounds! He tells you how, and shares his great recipes with you, at his website, DJ Foodie. Low-carb recipes that are easy to prepare and taste good, good enough for you to want to keep losing. Check it out:
http://djfoodie.com 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A couple had a fight. The wife screamed, "Leave! Get out of this house!" As the husband started out the door, she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!" He stopped, turned around and said, "So, wait. Now you want me to stay?"

 

Why was the blonde confused in the bathroom? She had to pull down her own pants! 


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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] September 20, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Jeff Standen sends along FlightRadar24, a mobile app that shows real-time aviation data. So, when you have to pick someone up from the airport, drive nearby, wait in comfort at some free parking lot while watching this app. When your phone shows the plane land, go pick them up.
http://www.flightradar24.com/apps 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

While on vacation in Florida, I saw a bumper sticker in a parking lot that read, "I miss Detroit." So I broke the windshield, stole the stereo, and left a note reading, "Hope this helps!"

 

Why did the lesbian shorten her trip to China? She missed her native tongue! 


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Tuesday, September 18, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] September 19, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Steve Robson sends along a site similar to yesterday's aviation site, only this one is the marine equivalent for boats.
http://www.marinetraffic.com/ais 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Have you heard the new Kenny G album, featuring his own adaptations of Thelonious Monk compositions? It includes some unforgettable tracks like "'Round Noon" and "Straight, No Changes!"

 

If a bowel movement is a "call of nature," does that make a fart a "missed call"? 


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[cyberjoke3000] September 18, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Peter M. Slocombe sends along Flight Radar, a terrific site that shows global flight information in real time. Click on any plane to see more about it.
http://www.flightradar24.com 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Definition of irreconcilable differences: When she melts down her wedding ring to cast it into a bullet!

 

"Darling, remember those trout you spent two weeks fishing last April?” “Yep.” "One of them called last night and said you’re going to be a father!” 


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