Tuesday, December 30, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] December 31, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Beatboxing; cold air; backlight; talent. Put them together and watch as Reeps One makes complex rhythms visible.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VD0QK4SvuR0

If you really want to get nothing but clean jokes from me, you’re about to get your wish – unless you send me you favorite dirty jokes for me to share. Come on. If you’ve only taken and never given, now’s your time to cough ‘em up! Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Dang, Bob! What happened to you?" "Aw, I was up all night. My wife and I had a big fight. She became historical." "You mean hysterical." "No, historical. She told me everything I've done wrong for the last twenty years!"

 

You know you're getting old when your balls tell you when it's time to mow the lawn! 

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Monday, December 29, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] December 30, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Kosta Andreadis just published the rest of his great interview with me on IGN. Here we discussed all the Larry games! Check it out:

http://www.ign.com/articles/2014/12/26/talking-leisure-suit-larry-with-al-lowe

Thanks to all who helped me through my dirty joke drought! But if you didn’t send me yours, why not? Please! I need your help! Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A physicist saw a young man about to leap from a skyscraper. He yelled, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

 

Arguing over the size of a woman's breasts is like choosing between beers. Men may state a preference, but they'll grab whatever's available! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Sunday, December 28, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] December 29, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Let’s wrap up the year with a few people who are having a worse day than you:
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4641 

I really hate to tell you this, but I’ve run out of dirty jokes! No, seriously! For the first time in 16 years, I have only about a dozen left to share with you. But you can help: send me your favorites and, if they haven’t already run in CyberJoke 3000™, I share them with our over 7,000 members! Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I always keep a baseball bat under my bed in case someone tries to break in and pitch a no-hitter!

 

Two women were comparing notes about their recent dates with the same man. One said, "Did you notice that he had 'Tiny' tattooed on his dick?" The other replied, "Huh. When I saw it, it said, 'Tiny's Bar, Albuquerque, New Mexico'!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Thursday, December 25, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] December 26, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Happy Boxing Day!

Last week, TV lost two great late night comedians: Stephen Colbert, of course, but also Craig Ferguson. I was a little slow to start watching Craig, but once I started I couldn't stop. He did his best to deconstruct the late night talk show format, e.g., this running gag with his "not-a-real-horse" Secretariat:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbVh6WvqNMk
And if, like me, you find that funny, Vox has a loving recap of his tenure:
http://www.vox.com/2014/12/19/7422599/craig-ferguson-finale

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Dear Ma and Pa: I'm well. Hope you are, too. Tell brother Walt and brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell 'em to join up quick 'fore all the spots are taken. I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 o'clock, but I'm getting' so I like sleepin' late. Tell Walt and Elmer all we do 'fore breakfast is smooth our cot and shine some stuff. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, or fire to lay. Men gotta shave but it ain't so bad -- there's warm water. Breakfast is heavy on the trimmings (like fruit, juice, cereal, eggs, etc.) but weak on chops, taters, ham, steak, eggplant, pie and other regular food. But Walt and Elmer could always sit by some city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours oughta hold ya till noon when they feed ya again. We go on marches, which the sergeant says are to harden us, but I guess it ain't my place to tell him no different. We only march about as far as our mailbox and then the city boys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The sarge is like a schoolteacher--he nags a lot. Our captain is like the school principal. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown -- they don't bother us none. Tell Walt and Elmer I keep getting' medals for shooting. I don't know why -- the bulls-eye's as big as a chipmunk's head and it don't move. And it ain't shootin' at ya like them Higgett boys! All you gotta do is lie there all comfortable and fire. I don't even havta load my own cartridges -- they bring 'em out in boxes! We also have somethin' they call hand-to-hand combat training where we wrestle them city boys. I'm real careful 'cause they seem to break easy! I'm about the best that's here, 'cept for Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake -- him I only beat once. Tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before ever'body gets onto this deal and comes stampedin' in. Your loving daughter, Mary Lou.

 

I hate it when the other guy goes for a handshake and I go for an open-mouth kiss. Oh, great. Now I probably won't get this job. 

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I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, December 24, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] December 25, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Merry Christmas! 

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

It took a team of cashiers, 13 hidden cameras, and a lot of Christmas spirit to pull off this epic holiday surprise when a German supermarket surprised shoppers with a cashier orchestra playing Jingle Bells.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H965m0Hkk5M

 

CyberJokester Peter M. Slocombe sends along this lovely story from exactly a century ago, when British and German WW1 soldiers stopped fighting for a day and celebrated Christmas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWF2JBb1bvM&feature=youtu.be 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] December 24, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Here’s hoping you have a Merry Christmas! My whole family is here for the holidays; I hope you get to spend time with your loved ones, too.

How do monks form a choir after taking a vow of silence? Here's how:
http://bit.ly/1jFTzOV 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

My Christmas tree was too big for the car so I had to cut the top off. It's not so bad; I've always wanted a convertible!

For a moment, I thought my creative wife had sprayed fake snow on the logs in our fireplace. But then I remembered: Santa comes down the chimney! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, December 22, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] December 23, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Here’s the U.S.A.F. Band in a flash mob-style performance of Christmas classics at the McDonnell Space Hanger:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vniBBT7nRJg 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

If you get a sales call during the holidays, just hand the phone to your preschooler and say, "It's Santa!"

Frosty the Snowman was overjoyed today. He heard the snow blower was coming to town! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] December 22, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Have you ever seen President Obama singing Jingle Bells? Now you can, through the wonders of video editing:  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HW_hvI1bYAw  

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

When you use up a roll of wrapping paper, you're still not old if you use the leftover tube as a weapon!

Santa, working at a Scottish department store, was dressed in full regimental fashion. A young boy noticed his lack of underwear. When his mother prompted, "Now tell Santa what you want for Christmas, dear," the lad blurted out, "I want a wee set of bagpipes like the ones under your kilt!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, December 19, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] December 19, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

"The Couch Gag Before Christmas" seems to include every character ever on The Simpsons. Brilliant!   
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTwCSlEsvKE 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Always be yourself -- the people who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.

 

After a long, hot round of golf, I stopped by Hooters with friends for some hot wings and drinks. After we were served, a friend asked, "So, which waitress would you like to be stuck in an elevator with?" I replied, "The one who knows how to fix an elevator." I'm old and tired and I pee often! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Wednesday, December 17, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] December 18, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Last year, Sandy and Richard Riccardi created a brilliant Christmas parody, "The Holiday Dinner Party." Two minutes of clever lyrics to bring you holiday cheer!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TX9EAavxrus  

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two retired men were talking about old times. One said, "I remember living through the depression." The other said, "What? You weren't even born then!" "Not the 1930s. I meant my first marriage!"

 

"I hear Debbie broke up with her new boyfriend." "Yeah. It's because he's vegan." "What? She dumped him because he wouldn't eat meat?" "Evidently, meat wasn't all he wouldn't eat!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, December 16, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] December 17, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Do you like your web surfing slow and filled with ads? Then get Adblock Plus  quick, before the lawyers kill it. I've used AB+ every day for years. You should, too, unless you like to be annoyed. Chrome users will find it at the Play store:
https://chrome.google.com/webstore/search/adblock%20plus
And here's an article about the lawsuit that would kill it:

http://bit.ly/1IZDayS 

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why do round pizzas come in square boxes?

 

Wikipedia: "I know everything." Google: "I have everything." Amazon: "I sell everything." Facebook: "I know everybody." Internet: "Without me, you are nothing." Electricity: "Keep talkin', bitches!" 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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