Monday, March 30, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] March 31, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

If what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, then what happens to the people who live beneath Vegas?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VLQkdq74kk

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The female praying mantis devours her male within minutes of mating, whereas the female human stretches it out over a lifetime!

 

What did one lesbian say to the other? "Your face or mine?" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, March 29, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] March 30, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

While you don’t have to browse around my website, if it’s been a while since you have, today’s a perfect day. Besides, you’re already there when you click here:
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4771

 

If you’re going to be in the Seattle area tomorrow evening, March 31, why not drop by Tula’s Jazz Club for an evening of big band jazz by The Critical Mass Big Band. We begin at 7:30. Tula’s opens for dinner at 6:00. They may even let me play a few solos or ten.
http://www.tulas.com

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A year ago I joined the Procrastinators Support Group. I'm not sure when we'll have our first meeting!

 

A sperm named Stanley lived inside a famous movie actor. Stanley was healthy. He'd do push-ups and somersaults and stretches all the time, while the other sperm just lazed around. One day, one sperm asked Stanley, "Why do you work out so much?" Stanley explained. "Look, pal, only one sperm gets a woman pregnant and, when the big time comes, I'm gonna be that one sperm!" One day, all the sperm grew warmer and warmer. Their big day was here! Suddenly, they were released abruptly and, sure enough, there was Stanley, swimming far ahead of the others. But then, Stanley stopped dead in his tracks, turned around, and began to swim the other way as hard as he could. "Go back! Go back!" he yelled. "It's a blow job!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, March 27, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] March 27, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Video technology and science converge in an active volcano in Vanuatu, where camera-mounted drones capture high-def images of the spectacular, dangerous Marum Crater. Two drones succumbed to the harsh environment, but look what they obtained first.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFIWWM0Iv-U 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I'm not saying we should kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying that, if we remove all the warning labels, the problem will take care of itself!

 

What do you get when you have ten naked blondes standing on their heads? Ten brunettes. 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, March 26, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] March 26, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Remmber Marty Cooper? The guy who turns everyday life into an odd, creature-infested cartoon world? Well, he's done it again:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJwpKQMbREw 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

It's been so long since I've had sex, I forget who ties up whom!

 

Confucius say: Stupid man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ. 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, March 25, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] March 25, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

When you install free software, be careful Never choose "Express Install" (or some such name). Instead, choose "Custom Install" so you can then deselect any unwanted software it may offer to include.  

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

What are the ten greatest years of a woman's life? The ones between 39 and 40.

 

In ancient times it was believed that the gods could come down to Earth and visit mortals, sometimes even coupling with them. One morning, a sweet young thing told her mother, "I think a god coupled with me last night." "Really? I wonder if it's Thor?" The girl replied, "Thor? I can barely touch it!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, March 24, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] March 24, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

In case you missed it, here's the BBC's coverage of Friday's solar eclipse, narrated by Brian Cox, Dara O'Brian and Liz Bonnin.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9GdfL_ToU

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I didn't believe them when they accused my dad of stealing from the highway maintenance crew, but when I went home, the signs were all there!

 

Why You Shouldn't Buy Sperm Over the Internet: After your purchase, you keep getting junk email with the subject "Make Babies Fast!" Does Stephen Hawking even have an Gmail account? Some "Marketing Manager" keeps calling to offer you "free home delivery." The entire inventory originates from Mort, a middle-aged landfill manager who logs in as Buffy15. Donors from yahoo.com are just that. Unless you live in a city with an NBA franchise, nobody will believe you actually hooked-up with Kobe. 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, March 22, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] March 23, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Ah, spring – when a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of ...sight gags?
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4761

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why couldn't the teacher get his class to focus? Because he couldn't control his pupils!

 

Two yuppies constantly tried to one-up the other. When one mentioned that his daughter had been accepted at Vassar, the other said, "That's nice, but all girls really learn at Vassar is how to f*¢k." The first angrily responded, "I'll have you know that my wife attended Vassar!" The second said, "I'm surprised. She could use a refresher course!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, March 20, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] March 20, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Within a few hours there will be a total solar eclipse visible from Longyearbyen, Svalbard, Norway, inside the Arctic Circle. If you don't happen to be on Svalbard Island right now, you can watch it live over the Internet -- if you hurry! Here's a website to convert their time to your time zone:
http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converted.html?iso=20150320T10&p1=737&p2=234
And here's the eclipse:
http://www.nrk.no/troms/watch-the-solar-eclipse-in-svalbard---norway-1.12257825

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A woman told her hairdresser, "Make me look pretty." The hairdresser pulled out a bottle and started drinking!

 

A man called home. "Honey, the boss is coming over for dinner tonight and I want to impress him so I can get a raise. He loves rare prime rib, peas with little white onions, and baked potatoes." She rushed to the grocery and bought a lovely prime rib, peas and little white onions, but couldn't find any potatoes. So she asked the produce man, who told her, "I'm sorry, ma'am, we're all out of potatoes. We'll have some tomorrow." "But you must have potatoes." "No, Ma'am. I told you: we're all out." "Don't you have some hidden in the back room?" The produce guy grew irritated. "Ma'am, if you take the 'pot' out of potatoes, what do you have?" "A toes?" "Yep. And if you take the 'toes' out of potatoes, what do you have?" "Po-ta?" "Yes. And if you take the 'f*¢k' out of potatoes, what do you have?" "What? There ain't no 'f*¢k' in potatoes!" "And that's what I've been trying to tell you!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, March 18, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] March 19, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Lowell Wall sends along this incredible slideshow of photographs from space showing the man-made world as astronauts see it. Compelling satellite images!
http://yhoo.it/1DCJ4lv

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Bigamy is having one wife too many. So is monogamy.

 

A couple was going to bed when the husband asked the wife to make love. She replied, "Oh, I can't. I didn't have time to shower tonight and I feel all dirty." The husband said, "Oh, okay. ...Did you have time to brush your teeth?" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



__._,_.___
Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] March 18, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

If you’re going to be in the Seattle area on March 31, why not drop by Tula’s Jazz Club for an evening of big band jazz by The Critical Mass Big Band. We begin at 7:30. Tula’s opens for dinner at 6:00. They may even let me play a few solos!
http://www.tulas.com 

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

At my first Weight Watchers meeting, the group leader asked each of us why we wanted to lose weight. When it was her turn, one woman started to sob. "I vowed to lose weight when my husband bought me something too small for me to fit in." The leader replied, "Oh, that's too bad. Was it a dress?" "No, a Porsche!"

 

Why don't Mafia hitmen have gay sex? Because they never leave any loose ends! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, March 17, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] March 18, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Thanks to everyone who wrote to tell me that last week’s Japanese bicycle elevator video was gone. I swear it was there when I checked! I’ve looked, but I can’t find it anywhere. I’m sorry.

CyberJokester Bob Yetter sends along this bumper crop of car porn, eloquently and sensuously photographed. I swear that this is a working link as of right now.

http://bit.ly/1ngDueV 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. The hard part is getting them in there!

 

While making her teen-aged daughter's bed, Mom was shocked to find a large carrot under her pillow. When Mary Jo came home, Mom demanded an explanation. "Mom, I'll be honest: for the past week that carrot has been my 'husband'." "Well, dear, you're now a widow because your 'husband' is in tonight's stew!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
If you can read, you qualify! And it really is free.
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Every past issue is here.
To join, send a blank email here.
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Go here, unsubscribe your old address, then resubscribe with your new address.

To contact me
For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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