Monday, June 29, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] June 30, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Robin Spark sends along this demonstration of real "Hotdog Precision:" one worker preparing a hot dog for another -- with an excavator!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7N1HUbusarY 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The principal saw a woman walk in the main entrance of his elementary school wearing pajamas, with her hair up in curlers. He stopped her. "May I help you?" he asked. She replied, "No. I told my son that, if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. Yesterday, you caught him skipping school, so today I'm going to spend all day with him!"

I don't need anger management. I need stupid people to stop p¡ssing me off! 

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[cyberjoke3000] June 29, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Now that the Supreme Court is through for the year, perhaps they would enjoy these:
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4901 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Sometimes when I'm in class, I dream I'm on a tropical island, with a dozen half-naked women sitting beside me under a palm tree, with a cool breeze caressing my tanned body. This helps me forget I'm in a classroom. Of course, it'd be a lot easier without all my pupils yelling at me!

I overheard two guys talking at the bar. "I'm looking for unconditional love, too, but I'd settle for a blow job." 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Thursday, June 25, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] June 26, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Are you planning to climb El Capitan, that 3,000' vertical rock wall in Yosemite National Park? Me, neither. But climbers from all over the world do. Now you can join some in their journey up The Nose, thanks to Google Views:

https://www.google.com/maps/views/u/0/streetview/yosemite

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A bachelor is a man who never makes the same mistake once.

The sexy young speech therapist had no luck with her "Stammerers Action Group." She tried every known technique without success. Not one improved. Exasperated, she declared, "Look: the first one of you to tell me the name of the town where you were born without stuttering gets a session of wild, passionate sex. Trevor, you go first." The Englishman tried, "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-Birmingham." "Sorry, Trevor. Hamish? You're next." The Scotsman blurted, "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-Paisley." "Nope. Sorry, Hamish. No sex for you. Paddy?" The Irishman took a deep breath and carefully and clearly said, "London." "Brilliant, Paddy! Let's go!" She took Paddy into her office, locked the door, and gave him at least twenty minutes of steamy sex. When the couple finally paused, Paddy finished, "…d-d-d-d-d-d-d-derry!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] June 25, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Gary Orndorff sends along this multiple-choice "Aerial Geography Quiz of 16 Famous Landmarks." Let me know if you get a perfect score.

http://www.guessthespot.com 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Who was the first hipster? You've never heard of him!

A man came home late from the pub, staggered through the front door, and said to his wife, "Get upstairs. I want sex!" "Dammit, Dave, how many have you had tonight?" He slurred back, "Just one." "No way! I can see it in your eyes: you've had more than one." Dave admitted, "Oh, all right, two. But with that second one, I didn't come!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, June 24, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] June 24, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Sure, it's not fast and it's totally unsafe, but I bet you don't have one! It's a full-sized, air-powered Lego car!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ObE4_nMCjE 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two blondes were waiting at a bus shelter. When the bus came, one leaned in and asked the driver, "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?" The driver shook his head. "No, ma'am. I'm sorry." Then the other blonde leaned in and asked, "Will it take me there?"

 

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." "What did you do, my son?" "Last night, out at the beach, I decided to explore a cave. When I turned on my flashlight, I witnessed two men having sex." "So that was you!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, June 22, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] June 23, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Julian Melchiorri has created the first man-made, biologically-functional leaf that takes in carbon dioxide, water, and light and releases oxygen. Just consider the possibilities!

http://cnet.co/1B1mEKX

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. But then it was too late!

A sexy lady, after a few drinks, said to the handsome young man beside her at the bar, "My mouth is like a loudspeaker, my left breast is for tuning, and my right breast is for bass and treble." Her description aroused him, but he said, "I don't believe you." She said, "Want to try for yourself?" They headed for his hotel room, she undressed, and he gently twisted her left nipple. Nothing happened. He tried the right nipple. Again, nothing. "Sweetie, I've turned both your knobs but there's no response." She replied, "That's because you're not plugged in yet!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, June 21, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] June 22, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Watching the U.S. Open played on a golf course I’ve played was almost as much fun as new sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4891 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two eggs, two links of sausage, and a pancake walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Sorry, but we don't serve breakfast!"

"Troy, I've got us a couple of dates for the weekend and I'll give you first choice. Sandra is kind of dumpy, not a great looker, but she gives great blow jobs. Suzie is pretty, with perfect legs and she shows them off by wearing very high heels." "Say no more," interrupted Troy. "I'll go for head over heels anytime!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, June 19, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] June 19, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Susan Shaw sends along this video explaining through photos the lyrics of "American Pie." I've listened to that song for 40 years ...but now I think I finally understand it!

http://youtu.be/VhX3b1h7GQw 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

How can you tell if someone is truly a hipster? If they tell you they're not, you know they are!

 

A sailor returned home after a six-month tour and, within minutes, he and his wife were having furious sex. Suddenly, the wind slammed the kitchen door shut and he joked, "Oh, no! That must be your husband!" His wife absentmindedly replied, "Nah. He's off at sea for six months!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, June 17, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] June 18, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

And now for a true age test! Some of you will have no idea what any of these images are. On the other hand, I remember every one! How many can you identify?

http://yougottobekidding.wordpress.com/2014/01/24/lots-of-memories

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

You say Carmina,  
I say Carmana.
You sat Burina,     
I say Burana.   
Carmina, Carmana, Burina, Burana,    
Let's Carl the whole thing Orff.

Mrs. Grednick, a little chubby, was at a weight-watchers meeting. "My husband insists I come to these meetings because he wants to make love to a woman with a trim figure," she lamented. Another woman replied, "That's nice. And you'll feel better, too." Mrs. Grednick added, "You don't understand. He does it while I'm at these damned meetings!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] June 17, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Wayne Wright sends along this interesting video of "The Oldest Footage of London, 1890-1920." Each clip is shown twice, first with a map pinpointing its location and then split-screen with the same scene today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_me3NrPMh8 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Charlie was lying on the couch when his wife walked over and removed his glasses. She said, tenderly, "You know, dear, without your glasses, you look like the handsome young man I married." Charlie replied, "Dear, without my glasses, you look the same, too!"

 

A man suffering from premature ejaculation asked his doctor for help. The doctor said, "There's nothing I can do medically, but I could give you the number of a woman with a short attention span!"  

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, June 15, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] June 16, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

BuzzFeed Life presents "27 Ways To Make Your Groceries Last As Long As Possible." I learned something!

http://bzfd.it/1limF5w 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two hipsters walked into a bar. One did it before it was cool and the second did it ironically.

 

"My girlfriend is going to die of syphilis," said the angry biker to his buddy. His friend reassured him, "Man, people don't die of syphilis no more." The biker replied, "They do when they give it to me!" 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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