Thursday, July 30, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] July 31, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Charter CyberJokester Neil J. Rubenking, PCMag's Lead Security Analyst, says there's more to yesterday's car key radio amplifier tip: if your doors automatically unlock when the car senses you nearby, you have yet another worry. Now thieves can buy a cheap device to boost the car’s signal to your keys. So, even if your keys are inside your house and the car is outside, this amp will make it open:

http://bit.ly/1IsuTzP

Solution? Keep your keys inside a metal container to block the signals.

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

If I robbed my local IHOP, could the cops arrest me? After all, I'm in international territory!

A man looked all over town for his friend Bob. When he passed the barber shop, he stuck his head inside and asked, "Bob Peters here?" The barber replied, "Nah. Just haircuts and shaves!" 

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I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] July 30, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Lowell Wall shows you how to extend the range of your car's remote unlocking key: press it to your skull! Or, if you happen to have a gallon of milk handy, holding it to that will extend the range even farther. Here, let a real scientist explain it:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/0Uqf71muwWc

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A policeman pulled over a motorist and asked, "Do you know you're driving without a taillight?" The driver jumped out, raced to the rear of his car, and emitted a long, painful moan. The cop lightened up a little. "Oh, now, sir. You don't have to take it that hard." The guy cried, "Where's my boat and trailer?"

Today I got an offer for free sex with a 21-year-old cheerleader in exchange for me plugging a bathroom cleanser. Of course, I refused, because I'm a man of high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super-strong, foaming bathroom cleanser, now available with lemon or vanilla scent! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Tuesday, July 28, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] July 29, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Bob Yetter sends along this video of a David Blaine card trick that stumped both Harrison Ford and me. Do you know how this one works?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxrYalHT_fw 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A lady wanted a nice chicken for dinner so she asked the butcher to see his selection. He only had one chicken left but he couldn't tell her that, so he pulled out that lonely chicken and put it on the scale. She eyed the weight and asked, "Do you have one a little larger?" "Sure," he replied. He removed the chicken, lowered it out of sight, shook it a little, and brought it back out. This time he added his trained thumb to the edge of the scale. She eyed the weight and said, "Fine. I'll take them both."

At what point does CPR become necrophilia? 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, July 27, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] July 28, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Watch as Bill Hammack tears a film projector apart to reveal "The Mechanics of the Film Projector," an amazing mechanism from the pre-digital period that tricked the mind into turning still images into movement.
http://digg.com/video/how-film-projector-works-engineerguy-bill-hammack 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Whenever my religious friends ask what I'm going to give up for Lent, I always reply, "Self-denial."

An old man asked his doctor, "Doc, I'm turning eighty tomorrow and I haven't had sex since my wife died ten years ago. I want to have it once more before I go, so I hired a hooker for tonight. Can you prescribe me something to get it up?" The doctor smiled. "Normally, I don't prescribe this as it's extremely potent, but in your case, since it's just for the one night, I'll make an exception." That evening the doctor had second thoughts and phoned his patient. "How's it going? Are you okay?" "Fabulous! I've come three times already!" "Great! I bet your hooker is astounded." The old man said, "Not exactly. She's not here yet!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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[cyberjoke3000] July 27, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

What do you mean, you’ve had a bad day? Here are some people who have really had a bad day:
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4941

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The new prisoner told his cellmate, "I won't be in here long." The veteran replied, "I dunno. Didn't the judge give you six years?" "Yeah, but I know my wife'll break me out. She's never let me finish a sentence yet!"

Strolling along the midway, Richard saw an old Indian inn a booth that read, "For $5 I'll tell you where you're from or give you $50!" He watched as a cowboy approached the booth and asked, "That sign right?" The Indian nodded. The cowboy handed him a five, the Indian looked him over, noticed cow dung on his boots and said, "You're from Wyoming." The cowboy shook his head and said, "Well, I'll be danged! You're right!" and walked off. Another cowboy tried his luck but the Indian noticed both straw and cow dung on his boots and said, "You're from Montana!" Another loser. Richard decided to beat the Indian himself. He headed for the men's room, scrubbed his boots clean, dried them, and returned to the booth. He handed the Indian a five. The Indian looked him over and quickly said, "You're from South Dakota!" Richard was pissed. "How in the hell could you possibly know that I'm from South Dakota?" The Indian replied, "By the wool on your zipper!"

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I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, July 23, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] July 24, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Did you know you can easily change the size of your Windows desktop icons? Display the desktop and then hold down the Ctrl key while you turn the mouse's scroll wheel. Done! 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The teacher said, "Now we'll write an essay on 'If I Were a Millionaire'." Everyone began to write except for Little Johnny. "What's wrong, John? Why aren't you writing?" Little Johnny just sat there with his hands folded behind his head and said, "I'm waiting for my secretary."

Sue and Sally were talking and eventually the conversation turned to sex. Sue said, "Our love life is okay. We do it every week or so. How about you?" Sally said, "It's been great ever since we got into S&M." Sue was aghast. "Really, Sally? I never would have guessed that you'd go for that." Sally smiled. "No, it's good. The S&M is: he snores while I masturbate!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, July 22, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] July 23, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Ed Liesse informs me that a spurious T somehow inserted itself into yesterday's URL of the awful Apple promo from the '80s. Here is the correct link:

http://digg.com/video/apple-concept-video-1997-1987-awkward-strange

 

I don't know why, but watching a 42-ton shredder eat engine blocks like peanuts really is deeply satisfying!
http://digg.com/video/engine-shredder-hammel-red-giant

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

My wife asked me for the broom. I said, "Why? Are you going somewhere?"

Two priests got pulled over by a police officer. The cop walked up to their window and said, "I'm sorry to pull you over, Father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters." The two priests looked at each other and then said to the cop, "All right, officer. We'll do it!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, July 21, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] July 22, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

In 1987, Apple created this video to predict where its products would be ten years into the future. While they did envision something kind of Google Glass-ish, they did not predict their own company's rapidly approaching bankruptcy.

http://digg.com/vitdeo/apple-concept-video-1997-1987-awkward-strange 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates!

A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman went to a brothel. The Scotsman asked, "How much does it cost?" The madam said, "You pay by the inch." Everyone agreed this seemed fair, so the Englishman went first. When he returned, his friends ask how much it cost. "Fifty dollars," he replied. The Irishman went next and when he returned was asked the same question. "Eighty dollars!" he said, proudly. The Scotsman, who loved to brag about the size of his member, went last. When his buddies asked him how much, he replied, "Ten dollars." "What?" they said. "Why so cheap?" The Scotsman said, "I paid on the way out!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, July 20, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] July 21, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Doug Bulger sends along an interesting video about another video! First, watch as some guys make a basketball shot from a height of 415 feet!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9SF2YIKRY8
Now, watch the vid about the record-breaking shot, which explains the Magnus Effect -- and ships with cylindrical sails(!) and airplanes with cylindrical wings!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OSrvzNW9FE 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I was so sick last night that I accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD. I learned I have Gary Busey!

 

A naïve man went to his first strip club and sat down beside an older gentleman. The youngster asked, "Come here often?" The old guy replied, "Nah. I usually wait until I get home." 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, July 19, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] July 20, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

It’s not that this week I’m having a bad day or anything, it’s just the luck of the draw that this week’s sight gags are!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4931

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

While driving her fifth-grade son to school, a mom saw a bumper sticker reading, "My child is an honor student at ______." Hoping to encourage him to raise his grades, she said, "I wish that I had a bumper sticker like that for my car." Her son replied, "Okay, Mom, I'll steal you one!"

Two women were talking. "He's not well-endowed, but the sex is wonderful." Her friend replied, "So he's rich?" "Yep!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, July 16, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] July 17, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

With clear views of Pluto now available, here are ten unique photos of planet Earth captured from the ISS.
http://bit.ly/1V84nWd

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Grandma, have you seen my pills? They're LSD." "Forget about your pills. Have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!"

How do you know when your psychic is on her period? You get your palm red. 

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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