Sunday, April 30, 2017

[cyberjoke3000] May 1, 2017



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Happy May Day!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5861

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Sometimes outlaws are wanted!

A farmer's wife caught her husband screwing her best friend. She left, but soon returned with the family rifle. Aiming it at her husband's balls, she announced, "I'm ah fixin' to turn a bull into a steer!" Her husband pleaded, "No, no! At least give me a sporting chance!" She consented. "Okay. That's fair. Set 'em to swingin'!" 

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AL
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Thursday, April 27, 2017

[cyberjoke3000] April 28, 2017



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Lyrebird is a new speech synthesis technology that can copy a voice just by giving it a one minute sample of spoken audio. Then the artificial voice can say anything you want and sound just like the original person.
http://bit.ly/2oO12Ak 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Mommy, Mommy, can I go to the toilet?" "Yes, Little Johnny. I'll take you in a minute." "Can Granny take me instead?" "Why?" " 'Cause her hand shakes!"

How is a blonde different from a washing machine? A washing machine won't follow you around once you dump your load in it! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.

 

AL
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Wednesday, April 26, 2017

[cyberjoke3000] April 27, 2017



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Watch Dana Carvey sprint through seventeen celebrity impressions in under two minutes!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pl0p1RtitFE

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

When you’re a child, jokes about your genitals are called “adult content.” When you’re an adult, these jokes are called “childish.”

Why is it called a Wonder bra? Because when she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went! 

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I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.

 

AL
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For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

 



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[cyberjoke3000] April 26, 2017



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Want to be more productive? PCMag has all the best productivity apps listed on one page:
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2395938,00.asp 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Hello?" "Hi, Mom!" "Oh, honey! I haven't heard from you in months. Is everything okay?" "I just wanted to let you know that I'm in my third trimester." "What? You're pregnant?!" "Mom! Remember? I went off to college?"

If clams arrive on a clam boat and shrimp arrive on a shrimp boat, on what do crabs arrive? The captain's dingy! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.

 

AL
Laugh at www..com
For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

 



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Monday, April 24, 2017

[cyberjoke3000] April 25, 2017



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Are you a fan of Finding Nemo? I am, too. Here are 15 things that I didn't know about the film:

http://bit.ly/2eb6fi9 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A husband and wife were viewing the body of his mother-in-law when he started to cry. His wife punched him and said, "Why are you crying now? You never cared for mother anyway!" He replied, "True, but I think I just saw her move!"

"Mommy, Mommy! Why don't I have a big thing like Daddy's between my legs?" "Don't worry, Suzi; when you're older, you will!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.

 

AL
Laugh at www..com
For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

 



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Sunday, April 23, 2017

[cyberjoke3000] April 24, 2017



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

New sight gags here!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5851  

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

For most of history, our vehicles had automatic collision avoidance and could self-drive you home if you were drunk or asleep. Then we got rid of horses.

"Why did you bring your cat to school today?" asked the teacher. Little Johnny replied, "I'm saving his life." "Saving his life? How?" "Because this morning I heard Daddy tell Mommy, 'As soon as the kids leave, I'm gonna eat that pussy!' " 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.

 

AL
Laugh at www..com
For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

 



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, April 21, 2017

[cyberjoke3000] April 21, 2017



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Charter CyberJokester Neil Rubenking has written an article about phone scams that you really should read. My personal technique is to lead them on a moment, then when they think they've got me, shame them into looking for "a real job!"
http://www.pcmag.com/article/346790/is-this-call-a-scam-heres-how-to-tell

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I tried to childproof my house but the kids still get in!

A drunk stumbled into a bar's bathroom and found a tiny little man dressed all in green, with pointy shoes and an Irish accent. The drunk said, "You're a leprechaun, aren't you?" The little man replied, "Yep. That I'd be." "Since I caught you, don't I get three wishes?" The leprechaun responded, "Sure. Name 'em." "First, I want a giant house with servants." The leprechaun said, "Zap! You now own the biggest house in town. And it has fifteen servants." The drunk thinks, "That's nice, but I'll need money to pay my servants" so he wished for fifty billion dollars. "Zap! You now have fifty billion dollars in the bank." The drunk grinned and said, "For my final wish, I want the most beautiful wife in the world." "Zap! She's waiting out in the bar for you." Satisfied with his good fortune, the drunk started to leave when the leprechaun stopped him. "Well, now, since I did all of this for you, and it's been centuries since I've had sex, how about if I have my way with you?" The drunk thinks a moment, but decided, "Why not? He's given me everything I need in life." He bent over and let the little man sodomize him. While it was happening, the drunk whispered to himself, "I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm doing this." The leprechaun soon finished and said, "I can't believe you thought I was a leprechaun!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.

 

AL
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For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

 



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Wednesday, April 19, 2017

[cyberjoke3000] April 20, 2017



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Happy 4-20!

My old friend Dan Rogers has written a new novel which I devoured in under two days. It's called Ghosting and it has thrills, video games, mystery, the Old West, money, excitement, and a beautiful woman, plus an ending you won’t see coming. You can order it here:
http://amzn.to/2noGtN0   

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Does my dog follow me into the bathroom when I pee because I always follow him outside when he pees and he thinks that's just how it works?

"Dad, what's a transvestite?" "I don't know, ask your Mother. He'll know!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.

 

AL
Laugh at allowe.com
For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

 



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] April 19, 2017



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

According to Microsoft, 67% of us have experienced a tech support scam in the past year, 1 in 5 downloaded software, visited a scam website, or handed over financial data to fraudsters; 1 in 10 lost money. Don’t you fall for it, too! Read this:
http://bit.ly/2dwRl82 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey but then I turned myself around!

A guy worked for thirty years at the same factory. Every day, he got off work at 3:30 and was home by 4:00. On Fridays, when he got home, he gave his wife his check. But one Friday, as he was walking to his car, a co-worker asked him out for a beer. No one had ever asked him before, so he thought, "Why not?" One beer led to another and that led to a wild night out with the boys. About 3 a.m. he staggered thru the door where his wife was waiting. "Where have you been?" she screamed. "I went out with the boys for a few beers." "Oh, you did, did you? Well, how much money did you spend?" "I dunno. Probably about a thousand bucks." "A thousand dollars? Do you know how long that would last me?" He said, "Well, you don't drink, you don't smoke, and you've got your own pussy... it oughta last you forever!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Monday, April 17, 2017

[cyberjoke3000] April 18, 2017



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

What happens when a consumer drone is struck by lightning? Tom Scott hit his with 2 million volts. On purpose.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3iJjrQmEho 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Men are like bank accounts: without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest!

What's more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car? Getting a pregnant elephant in the back seat of your car! What's more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in the back seat of your car? Getting an elephant pregnant in the back seat of your car! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] April 17, 2017



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

This week is “Safety First!” week, all showing things you shouldn’t be caught dead doing!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5841

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

New United Airlines Slogans: "First Class, Business Class, or No Class?"  "Our prices can't be beaten, but our passengers can."  "We put the hospital in hospitality."  "We beat our passengers, not the competition."  "Let us make you an offer you can't refuse." "Board as a doctor, leave as a patient."  "Not enough seating? Prepare for a beating."  "And you thought legroom was an issue."  "Proudly offering Admiral's Club, Captain's Club, and Fight Club."  "If our staff needs a seat, we'll drag you out by your feet."  "Good news? We're serving free meals again. Bad news? It's a knuckle sandwich."  "We treat you like we treat your luggage."  "Flight or fight."  "You may have patients, but we don't have patience."  "Both red-eye and black-eye flights available."  "We'll hit a guy with glasses."  "Now serving free punch." "On selected flights, now offering Chinese takeout!"

Gina said, "My new boyfriend is so romantic. Every time he speaks to me, he begins with, 'Fair Lady'." Tina responded, "Romantic, my ass! He used to be a bus driver!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Friday, April 14, 2017

[cyberjoke3000] April 14, 2017



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

BBC's Planet Earth shows you the story of the puffer fish's courtship ritual, in which the male works a week 24/7 to create a work of art to please his female. You won't believe this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1PID91sEW8 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again!

When is it better to be a woman than a man? When you are pissing in the bathroom and the airplane hits turbulence! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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