It's Al Lowe's
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEBJmZL8G1E#t=1m29s
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Today's
Saint Peter was checking IDs at the Pearly Gates when a Texan appeared. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done in your life?" The Texan said, "I struck oil and became rich, but I didn't sit around; I divided up my money among my entire family in my will, so that our descendants are set for three generations." Saint Peter said, "Great. Come on in. Next?" The next man said, "I got rich in the stock market, but I didn't just provide for my own family like that Texan; I also donated five million dollars to Save the Children." Saint Peter said, "Wonderful! Welcome. Who's next?" The next man looked downward and said sheepishly, "I'm not like those other fellows. I only made fifty thousand dollars in my whole life." Saint Peter said, "What instrument do you play?"
What do milk and elephants have in common? They both come in quarts!
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