Joke For All: November 2013

Thursday, November 28, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 29, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Watch as Jack Vale uses social media to convince total strangers that he's a psychic. And then, you may want to rethink your posts and/or change your privacy settings!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P_0s1TYpJU

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

A guy told his doctor, "I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gave him a prescription for a mild laxative and said, "If this doesn't work, let me know." A week later, the guy was back. "Doc, I still haven't had a movement." "I'll give you something stronger." A week later, the poor guy is back again. "Doc, still nothing!" "Hmm. I'd better get more information about you to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional musician." The doctor reached in his pocket. "Well, that's it. Here's fifty bucks. Go get something to eat!"

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[cyberjoke3000] November 28, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Happy Thanksgiving! As always, I'm thankful for the gift of humor, particularly the smiles you send me in your emails. Thank you! Oh, and keep 'em coming!

CyberJokester Gary Orndorff sends along this video of the only Adams-Farwell automobile still in existence, with its rotary engine. But this is not like other engines you've seen; here the pistons are still and the cylinders revolve!

http://www.youtube.com/embed/Y0XbqHUAI-0

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

It's much better to watch Godzilla backwards because then it's the story of a benevolent giant lizard who rebuilds a city and then moonwalks into the sea.

When two people are obsessed with each other, it's called love. When one person is obsessed with another person, it's called stalking!

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Wednesday, November 27, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 27, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Al Bryda sends along this remarkable NBC report on advances in medicine via cellphone. It's "The iDoctor."

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=r13uYs7jglg

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Silly cell phone. That wasn't a "missed" call, that was a "looked and saw who it was and pressed ignore" call!

She recognized the famous basketball player at the hotel bar, so she struck up a conversation. Soon they were in her room. As he removed his shirt, she noticed a large tattoo on his arm: "REEBOK." "What's that?" she asked. "Oh, that's so when I'm on TV, people see it and Reebok pays me." As he removed his pants, she saw another large tattoo on his leg: "NIKE." "And that?" "Same thing. Whenever it shows up on TV, Nike pays me." When he dropped his underwear, she pulled away. "That tattoo on your pen¡s says, 'AIDS'! Are you H.I.V. positive!?" "What? No way! Pretty soon that's gonna say 'ADIDAS'!"

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Tuesday, November 26, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 26, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Sure, you've heard of the "cloud," but have you ever seen inside it? CBS got the first look inside a Google data center:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBx7rgqeGG8

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The next time you go to an amusement park, take along a large industrial bolt. Get on the roller coaster with someone who looks scared. Then, as the ride starts, hold up your bolt and yell, "Wait! Where did this come from!?"

Why Hockey Is Better Than Sex: You can play hockey professionally. Your protective equipment is reusable ...and you don't even have to wash it. Hockey lasts a full hour. You know you're done when the buzzer sounds. Your parents cheer when you score. Two-on-one or three-on-one is common. Periods only last twenty minutes. You can count on hockey at least twice a week. You tell your friends about it afterwards.

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Monday, November 25, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 25, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Let’s say you just finished negotiating a lessening of the sanctions on your country? How do you relax?
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4071

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The doctor gave his patient the bad news. "I'm afraid you only have a year to live." "Oh my god! What can I do?" "If I were you, I'd buy myself an old pickup truck, marry the meanest woman I could find, and rent an old trailer home in the Oklahoma panhandle." "What? Will that help me live longer?" His doctor replied, "No, but it will sure make it seem like forever!"

What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up your family tree; a gynecologist looks up your family bush!

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Friday, November 22, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 22, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

This webpage's title explains itself: "America the Beautiful in Autumn"

http://bit.ly/1hKu7qx

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why is it so difficult to explain a pun to a kleptomaniac? They always take things ...literally!

My doctor told me to drink more water. So I do: frozen and surrounded by alcohol!

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Thursday, November 21, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 21, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

This week is the 150th anniversary of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. See the original document and read about it here:

http://nyti.ms/1fUml9i

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

On their second anniversary, a husband sent his wife flowers at her office. He asked the florist to write on the card, "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2." His wife loved the flowers, but was pissed when she read the card: "Happy Anniversary, You're #2."

A guy snuggled up to his wife and softly whispered, "Let's make love, dear." She rolled away. "Not tonight. I've got a splitting headache." Her horny husband pleaded, "Please, honey. What if I only stick it in for a minute?" She huffed, "What am I, a frickin' microwave!?"

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Tuesday, November 19, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 20, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Volvo wanted a way to demonstrate the stability of its new dynamic steering innovation so it created this entertaining minute with Jean Claude Van Damme:

http://bit.ly/1hLFdLS

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A woman, turning thirty, was sensitive to signs of advancing age. When she found a prominent gray hair in her bangs, she pointed to it and asked her husband, "Have you seen this?" Her husband replied, "What? The wrinkles?"

A suburban Jewish congregation honored its rabbi for his long service by giving him an all-expenses paid vacation in Hawaii. Entering his hotel room, he found a beautiful woman lying nude on the bed. She smiled and said, "Rabbi, I'm a little something extra that the President of the Temple arranged for you." The Rabbi was livid. He grabbed his phone and called the President. "Greenblatt! What were you thinking? Where is your respect? I am the moral leader of our religious community! I am very angry with you. You have not heard the end of this." Hearing him, the naked girl started dressing. The Rabbi asked, "Where are you going? I'm not mad at you!"

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[cyberjoke3000] November 19, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Logan Paul is a master of the funny vine (6-second video tweet). Here's a compilation of some of his best:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8xeFBQ7UyE

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

If evolution is real, why do mothers only have two hands?

I'm a physical wreck. I pulled my groin this morning. Well, I pull it most mornings...

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Sunday, November 17, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 18, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Someone on Mayor Rob Ford’s staff should tell him to stop talking and enjoy some sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4061

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Sign in an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

I promised my girlfriend hour-long sex on Saturday night. It was the usual five minutes, but I got a little help from Daylight Savings Time!

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Thursday, November 14, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 15, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

In 1978, Steve Wozniak created the "Disk Drive" for the Apple ][ (with a "k" instead of an "a"), But he needed an operating system; 35 years later, we learn not only how it happened but can see the actual source code. First, the story:
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2427084,00.asp
And then, the details:
http://www.digibarn.com/collections/business-docs/apple-II-DOS
And finally, images of the actual source code:
http://www.digibarn.com/collections/business-docs/apple-II-DOS/listings

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why did it take the Polish couple two months to drive across the United States? Because they kept seeing signs reading, "Clean Rest Rooms."

When a woman says she has a nipple ring, the only correct response is, "I don't believe you."

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[cyberjoke3000] November 14, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Wayne Wright sends along the Beautiful Women of Hollywood, a morph video that's beautiful itself.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/Q5XetQeFu-0

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

One fierce winter in Northern Scotland, a boss took pity on his foreman and bought him a pair of earmuffs. The foreman wore them exactly one day and then never wore them again. The boss asked him, "Don't you like the earmuffs I gave you?" "Oh, yeah. They kept my ears nice and warm." "Then why aren't you wearing them?" "Well, I wore them that first day, but someone offered me a drink -- and I didn't hear him!"

My sister's a stamp collector. Food stamps. She has two little ones. But she's getting breast implants.

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Wednesday, November 13, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 13, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Danny "D-Boy" Wheeler has finally succeeded in recording "Let's Play" videos for Quest for Glory as every character type! Watch him play the entire game as:
Thief: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLB6656FBBCFF946BF
Fighter: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC54CE7CB0145D14A
Wizard: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkmrPRbHQljlI3I4HMCNg8uYqRsa2Oz6i
and Paladin: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkmrPRbHQljmPhUR1ENQkrzub7PX3ub7T
Impressive effort, Danny! Dozens of videos!

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

How do redneck mothers keep their sons from biting their nails? Make them wear shoes!

Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall? He wanted to see her crack!

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Joke For All

Thursday, November 28, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 29, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 28, 2013

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 27, 2013

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 26, 2013

Monday, November 25, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 25, 2013

Friday, November 22, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 22, 2013

Thursday, November 21, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 21, 2013

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 20, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 19, 2013

Sunday, November 17, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 18, 2013

Thursday, November 14, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 15, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 14, 2013

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] November 13, 2013

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