Monday, November 30, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] December 1, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Alexis Bietti tells me that Friday's joke was based on a poem by Léopold Sedar Senghor (1906 - 2001), a Senegalese writer and political activist. If you’d like to read the original, it’s here:
http://bit.ly/1Rc7iMr

 

CyberJokester Peter Slocombe sends along this short video showing how the Chinese replaced an overpass in less than 48 hours. Impressive!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vz_j_BEkVCQ

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Say what you want about deaf people....

The sex-ed teacher drew a penis on the board and asked, "Who knows what this is?" Little Johnny answered, "I do, teacher. My dad has two of them!" The teacher looked doubtful. "John, are you sure?" Little Johnny replied, "Yep! He's got a little one he uses to go to the bathroom and a big long one he uses to brush the babysitter's teeth!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Sunday, November 29, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] November 30, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Take a break from all your Cyber-Monday cyber-shopping and enjoy some delicious sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5121 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Who is this Rorschach guy? And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

Joe's younger brother asked him about sex. "How's it work, Joe?" Joe didn't want to be too graphic, so he said, "Well, little brother, a girl's crotch is like money: at the top is a quarter, to the left is a nickel, on the right is a dime, and at the bottom is a dollar. When Kevin finally got his first chance, he remember Joe's advice and began slowly, thinking, "here's a quarter, there's a nickel, over here's a dime, and down here's a dollar." Soon he was going faster, thinking, "quarter, nickel, dime, dollar." As he neared orgasm, he screamed out loud, "Buck-forty! Buck-forty!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Friday, November 27, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] November 27, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Why are the governments who want to eliminate strong encryption wrong? Because that will make us all less secure and the bad guys will then exploit the vulnerabilities introduced in the process. Dan Gilmore explains:
http://bit.ly/1T8zqyd 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

When I was born, I was black. When I grew up, I was black. When I went in the sun, I stayed black. When I got cold, I was black. When I was scared, I was black. When I was sick, I was black. And when I die, I'll still be black. When you're black, you're black. But you white folks? When you're born, you're pink. When you grow up, you're white. When you go in the sun, you get red. When you're cold, you turn blue. When you're scared, you're yellow. When you get sick, you turn green. When you bruise, you're purple. And when you die, you turn gray. So why do you call us colored?!

My wife gives great head ...ache. 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Thursday, November 26, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] November 26, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Happy Thanksgiving! Every year I promise to eat less and I do. It’s just that I started at such a high level...

Yesterday, the NYTimes ran another article on Einstein. If you enjoyed the one I sent out yesterday, you’ll enjoy this one, too:
http://nyti.ms/1NdTYWb

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A priest was giving the last rites. "Denounce the devil! Let him know what you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still nothing. "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?" The dying man replied, "Until I know where I'm going, I'm not going to antagonize anyone!"

The hot young Swedish au pair had worked for the Schmitts for over a year. Hardworking and efficient, she still struggled with English. One day, she told Mrs. Schmitt that she had received good news. "My boyfriend, Sven, is coming to visit me from Army next week!" "That's wonderful," said Mrs. Schmitt. "How long is his furlough?" The young woman blushed and said, "About as long as Mr. Schmitt's ...but a little thicker!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Tuesday, November 24, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] November 25, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Today is the 100th anniversary of Albert Einstein's publication of the theory of relativity. Many theories and proposals are said to change things forever but this is the big one. Walter Isaacson's NYTimes article discusses "Gedankenexperimente," or if you or I did it: "Daydreaming."

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/01/opinion/sunday/the-light-beam-rider.html 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Zeus looked down at his kingdom from up in the clouds and saw a beautiful woman sunbathing nude. He flew down and had wild, passionate sex with her. Afterwards, he said, "In nine months, you shall birth a son with amazing strength ...and you shall name him Hercules!" The woman smiled and said, "In about a week, you shall have a rash and an itch ...and you shall name it Herpes!"

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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[cyberjoke3000] November 24, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

You know all about breathing – after all, you do it all day, every day. But do you really? I bet you learn something here:
http://noticing.co/how-insects-breathe/

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Rodney Dangerfield said: "I've got beautiful children. Thank God my wife cheats on me!"

Little Suzi spent the night at Grandma's house. Seeing Grandma in the shower, Little Suzi asked, "What's that gray stuff between your legs?" Grandma replied, "Oh, that? That's just my squirrel." "Your squirrel?" "Yes, dear. Someday you'll have a squirrel, too, just like your momma and me." Little Suzi thought about this. "Grandma? Mommy's squirrel is black. Why is yours gray?" Grandma said, "Because my squirrel has cracked a lot more nuts!" Grandma always was special. 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Sunday, November 22, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] November 23, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

This week is Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for everyone who sends me sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5111

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm schizophrenic. And so am I.

The detective asked the secretary, "Why did your boss jump out the window?" She sobbed, "I don't know. He was so kind. Over the past few weeks he gave me a fur coat, a sports car, a diamond ring, and today, a new condo! And then he asked what it would cost to ravish me." "And what did you say?" "I said, 'Oh, I don't know; the other guys in the office just buy me dinner!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Thursday, November 19, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] November 20, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Wouldn't you love an apple that never browns? With no chemicals added? Neal Carter invented one that he thinks can help improve global health, minimize food waste, and change agriculture. But will anyone buy it?
http://www.buzzfeed.com/stephaniemlee/uncommon-core 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why don't hedgehogs just share the hedge?

A young guy was complaining about the trouble he had with his stubborn girlfriend. "She makes me so angry!" the young man exclaimed. "Well, I know what I used to do with my wife," said his pal. "Whenever she got out of hand, I'd pull down her pants and spank her." The young guy shook his head. "Oh, I could never hit a woman." His friend replied, "Oh, I never hit her. Once her pants were down, I wasn't mad anymore!" 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, November 18, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] November 19, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Juice Man adds to our weird car collection with the P-50, a 1963 vehicle that holds the record as the smallest production auto ever. Another Top Gear funny:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJfSS0ZXYdo

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The FBI agent was interviewing the bank teller after the bank's third robbery by the same bandit. "Did you notice anything special about him this time?" "Well, yes," the teller replied. "Each time he's better-dressed!"

As I came out of the gym shower naked, my buddy made a joke about my beer belly. "Bill, I bet when you look down, you can't even see your own dick." I didn't let it bother me. I told him, "Nope. But often I see the top of your wife's head!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] November 18, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Jeffrey Katz agrees that yesterday's car, the 1951 Hoffman, was certainly bad. But was it as bad as the Reliant Robin? Top Gear takes an hilarious look.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQh56geU0X8 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Oh, stewardess, does this plane travel faster than sound?" "No, ma'am, it doesn't. Why do you ask?" "Because my friend and I want to talk!"

A baseball announcer was filling a long rain delay with some trivia. "Jim, do you know who hit the most home runs between 1955 and 1975?" "Hank Aaron?" "Yep. And do you know who hit the most RBIs between '55 and '75?" "Hank again." "Yep. But do you know who got hit on the chin with the most balls during those years?" "Uh, Hank Aaron?" "Nope. Liberace!"

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, November 17, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] November 17, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Gary Orndorff sends along this video showing what it's like to drive the world's worst car: the 1951 Hoffman. The what?

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Y16ObVRvgOE 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

My dogs' obedience trainer said the test of a dog's disposition was for its owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the owner, where a good dog would lick the owner's face or otherwise show concern. That night, eating pizza in front of the TV, I decided to test this theory on my own dogs. I clutched my heart, slid off the sofa, screamed and fell to the floor. My dogs looked at me, looked at each other, and then raced for the coffee table and ate my pizza!

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby! 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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