Monday, February 29, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] March 1, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Got some old flash drives gathering dust? Send 'em to North Korea. Wait... what? "Flash Drives for Freedom" collects flash drives, loads them with unavailable like films and TV shows and smuggles them over the border.

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2499177,00.asp 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

My new blonde girlfriend got all pissy on me last night when she saw my phone. "Who in the hell is this Amber Alert?!"

I finally convinced my girlfriend into doing a home porn movie. She insisted on bringing in some guy from work as her co-star. Man, actresses are so picky! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, February 28, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] February 29, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

You’ve got a whole extra day today. Why not spend the whole day and look at all 5,260!?
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5251 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Joe answered the knock on the door. Some kids in costumes said, "Give us candy or we'll bad mouth you on social media!" Joe was taken aback. "Huh?" he said. The kids concluded, "Sorry, man, it's trick or tweet!"

The newlywed groom came home from work to find his new bride stretched out languorously on the sofa, totally naked. She seductively murmured, "Guess what's for dinner? And you'd better not have had it for lunch!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, February 26, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] February 26, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

This webpage is a fond farewell to L.A.'s most cinematic bridge: the Sixth Street viaduct. Seen in more movies than any other, you may not know its name, but you'll recognize its iconic shape. But soon it will be no more.

http://www.citylab.com/design/2016/02/los-angeles-sixth-street-bridge/434826 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I accidentally locked my coat hanger in my car this morning. Luckily, I had my keys!

A prostitute went to see a psychiatrist. When he asked her to lie down on his couch, she said, "I've been working all day. Do you mind if I stand?" One intimate question led to another and soon they were both lying down and screwing like rabbits. When it was over, they were both quiet for a moment and then said simultaneously, "That'll be two hundred dollars, please!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, February 24, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] February 25, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Doug Bulger sends along this page of lovely images of Hong Kong in the 1950s, shot by a teenager! World-class street photography of a seldom-seen locale.
http://bit.ly/1nTXZWf 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A man went to Home Depot and ordered 20,000 bricks. "That's a lot of bricks!" said the clerk. "May I ask what you're building?" "Sure. A barbecue." That's too many bricks for one barbecue," said the clerk. The guy replied, "I dunno -- I live on the thirteenth floor!"

I read this warning on my Viagra bottle, "Keep away from children." What kind of man do they think I am?! 

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, February 23, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] February 24, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Who needs a drone? Just tie a string to your phone! Watch Nicolas Vuignier ski a run while circling his phone over his head!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqncOP7OzMg 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two elderly gentlemen were walking in the park. One said, "I think I'm getting hard of hearing in one ear." The other asked, "Which ear is it?" The first responded, "2016!"

"I just don't understand why men are so afraid of commitment." "Tell me about it! I lived with a guy for over a year but I finally gave him an ultimatum." "What did you say?" "I just told him: 'Look, either tell me your last name or get your sh¡t out of here!" 

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, February 22, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] February 23, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Peter M. Slocombe sends along this mash-up of “Uptown Funk” with film clips from the golden age of Hollywood musicals. If this doesn't lift your spirits, nothing will! (If you turn on closed captioning, you’ll see the film each clip is from.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1F0lBnsnkE

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Asian food tonight, Mom?" asked Quasimodo when he noticed her with the family wok. His mother replied, "What Asian food? I'm gonna iron your shirts!"

A couple had been dating for a while and decided to spend a night in a motel to see if they were sexually compatible. The next morning, when he dropped her off at her apartment, he told her, "So long, Lucy." She replied, "Goodbye, Shorty!" 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, February 21, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] February 22, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I remember when today was George Washington’s birthday. Or at least, we celebrated it on the 22nd.
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5241 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

An Irishman met a sailor from Venice in a pub, where they drank for several hours. Finally, the Italian slid under the table. The Irishman wobbled to his feet and proudly announced, "Hey, everybody, look: I just drank a Venetian blind!"

Every time Little Johnny begged to ride his Dad's Harley, his Dad told him, "You can ride it after your first sexual experience." Years later, a triumphant Johnny proclaimed, "Dad, I just had my first sex!" His father replied, "Nice goin', son. I'll get you the keys." Johnny responded, "Maybe later, Dad. My a$$ is too sore to ride right now!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, February 19, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] February 19, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

An electric motor was found in the frame of a bike at the Cyclocross World Championships earlier this month. Belgian cyclist Femke Van den Driessche's bike was confiscated by the governing body of pro cycling. Read all about the latest in "mechanical doping."
http://bit.ly/1QUPWlL

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A husband, impressed by his wife's meat entrée, asked, "What did you use to marinate this?" His wife dropped her fork and went into a long explanation about how much she loved him, how life wouldn't be the same without him, etc. She soon noticed his confused look, and asked, "Wait. What did you ask?" He told her, she laughed and replied, "I thought you asked if I would marry you again!" Later, as they cleaned the kitchen, he asked, "Hey, Hon! Would you marry me again?" And without hesitation, she replied, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce!"

Why does Barbie never get pregnant? Because Ken comes in another box! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, February 17, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] February 18, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Popular Mechanics magazine reports that the Chinese have sustained a fusion reaction for over 100 seconds. This definitely moves them into the lead in the race for sustainable fusion.

http://bit.ly/1QUPrYV

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

One of my wife's friends is a lesbian. I asked her if she ever wondered what it would be like to have children. She said that she was in fact disappointed that she probably never would. I slyly told her that if she ever wanted to be impregnated, I'd be happy to help out -- purely altruistically, of course. She shot me a death-ray stare and sarcastically said that, if she ever decides to reproduce, it would be by artificial means. I replied, "No problem. If you want artificial, I could say, 'I love you'!"

A sweet little old lady told her doctor, "I have terrible flatulence all the time." The doctor said, "Please undress so I can examine you" and then picked up a long pole with a brass hook on the end. "Goodness gracious, Doctor! What are you going to do with that?!" she cried. The doctor replied: "I'm going to use it to open that window up there!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, February 16, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] February 17, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Vulture set itself a high bar: naming the "100 Jokes that Shaped Modern American Comedy." Did they succeed? That’s up to you. But I confess that I learned to love comedy by laughing at nearly every one of the 100! You may want to save this until you are having a bad day because it will take you at least one day just to watch everything on this page once!

http://www.vulture.com/2016/01/100-jokes-shaped-modern-comedy-c-v-r.html  

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

How Eating has Changed Since I was a Kid: Pasta had not been invented. Curry was a surname. Take-away was a math problem. Pizza had something to do with the leaning tower. The only choice in potato chips was whether to add salt or not. Rice was only in pudding. A big Mac was what we wore when it rained. Brown bread was only eaten by poor people. Oil was for lubrication; fat and lad were for cooking. Tea was black and made in a teapot from leaves. Sugar was regarded as white gold. Cubed sugar was posh. Fish never had fingers. Eating raw fish was poverty. No one had even heard of yogurt. Healthy food was anything edible. Those who didn't peel potatoes were lazy. Indian restaurants were only in India. Cooking outside was camping. Seaweed was not food. Kebab wasn't even a word, let alone a food. Prunes were medicinal. Muesli was readily available, except it was called cattle feed. Water came from the tap. But one thing we never had on our table back then? Our elbows!

When I suggested to my wife that we try anal, she said that she's had sex with an a$shole for years! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, February 15, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] February 16, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

After reading last week’s Challenger story, CyberJokester Frederik Finck sent along this article about plans made for a possible rescue mission which might, or might not, have saved the crew of the Columbia shuttle.
http://bit.ly/1oygiAK 

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

When my kids text me "plz" because it's shorter than "please," I text back "no" because it's shorter than "yes!"

Evelyn was a robust woman in both spirit and size. When the surgeon came into her hospital room, he looked first at her and then at her chart. "Evelyn," he said, "this says you're 79, but that doesn't seem right." "Oh, it's true," she told him. "I'll be eighty in a couple of months." "But you don't have a wrinkle on your face!" he said. "Oh, I can explain that," Evelyn replied. "I'm not wearing a bra!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Every past issue is here.
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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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