Tuesday, August 30, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] August 31, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

You probably don't recognize the name Rudy Van Gelder, but he strongly affected the ears of anyone who listened to jazz for a half-century. I can't even guess how many records I own that he engineered. Here's a life that touched millions:
http://nyti.ms/2bUb6BH
This video interview shows producer Michael Cuscuna discussing Rudy's early days of Blue Note, the legends with whom he has worked, and his legacy as history's jazz recording engineer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpmA2VcpP0w 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A meticulous but mild-mannered engineer had his kitchen remodeled. All during the project, he left notes for the workmen, politely calling their attention to mistakes or oversights. But the job went slowly; it seemed like it would never end. But he finally left them a note that got the job finished in a week: "Starting June 15, all work here will be supervised by five children!"

"All right, class, who can punctuate this sentence: 'Fun fun fun worry worry worry'?" Little Johnny's hand shot up. "I got it, teach! 'Fun, period; fun, period; fun, no period -- worry, worry, worry'!" 

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I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Monday, August 29, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] August 30, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

For a couple of years, my wife and I have used Google's speech recognition on our phones instead of typing text messages. It just felt faster. Now Stanford has released a study that agrees with us! Stop pecking at letters on glass and start speaking in sentences!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOw4kVrymFs 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two exotic dancers were undressing for their shift when one noticed the other was no longer wearing her flashy engagement ring. "What happened, Carmen?" she asked, pointing to the bare finger. "Is the wedding off?" "Yeah," admitted Carmen. "I saw him in a bathing suit and he looked so different without his wallet."

A college professor spotted one of his co-eds at a popular dance club. She strutted over to him in her mini-skirt, leaned down revealing her ample bosom, and purred, "Like, I want you to, ya know, totally screw my brains out!" The professor replied, "Sorry, but I'm not into quickies!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, August 28, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] August 29, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Summer is almost over and I’ve got a bumper crop of sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5511 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A pastor was competing in a local golf tournament. As he headed for the first tee, the event organizer approached him, pointed to the dark sky, and said, "Did you make sure we won't get wet today?" The pastor shook his head. "Sorry, but I'm in sales, not management!"

Mike and his mates were bragging about their sex lives. Mike said, "My wife and I have great sex. She's very vocal. She can rattle the windows. And most times it really turns me on! Like when she screams, 'Harder!' Or when she screams, 'Faster!' " One buddy said, "Mike, you lucky bastard. But why most of the time? What doesn't turn you on?" Mike hesitated a moment. "Well, I don't much like it when she screams, 'Deeper!' " 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Friday, August 26, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] August 26, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

There are 58 U.S. National Parks (of which I've visited nearly half). Yesterday, the National Park Service celebrated its 100th birthday and released a stunning video that will make you want to go visit a park, too! Beautiful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aBYXooaSqE 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The hot blonde grocery store checker told her manager she needed to take some time off because she needed a rest. "I just don't look my best," she said. He responded, "Nonsense! You look fine!" She continued, "I must not, because lately the men have been counting their change!"

The town's gentlemen were dismayed to learn that the local brothel was closing. They confronted the owner and demanded to know why. Wasn't business good? She responded, "Oh, it's booming. I'm just tired of the hole business!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Wednesday, August 24, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] August 25, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Myron Clements sends along a website that offers you a new, different, free, licensed program every day. Check out "Giveaway of the Day."
https://www.giveawayoftheday.com

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

My four-year-old daughter had the flu: achy, fever, hoarse, so I took her to the doctor. He listened to her breathing and checked her ears, and then asked, "So what bothers you the most?" She replied, "My little brother. He's always in my stuff!"

Jesus was exhausted, so Saint Peter suggested a vacation. "Why don't you go down to Earth for a visit?" Jesus replied, "No way, not Earth. I went there a couple of millennia ago, banged some Jewish chick, and they still haven't got over it!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, August 23, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] August 24, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

PC Magazine has 30 hidden features in the Chrome browser that will make your web surfing easier and faster. Learn them all here:
http://bit.ly/2aqNNUs

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A college professor was collecting his mid-term exam when he noticed one test had a note and a hundred-dollar bill attached. The note said, "A dollar a point, please." The professor returned the test the following day with two twenties and another note that read, "Here's your change!"

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy. 

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, August 22, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] August 23, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Vincent Rizzuto sends along this video of Colin Furze's “Giant 360° Swing.” I want a backyard swing that goes all the way over and around, too!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9uh-CyBMCs
And the building of it is documented here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0wfkpBImKw
and here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qMXOyiRymY 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Golf May Not Be For You if... After three putts, you're still away. You talk about your one good shot for a week. You leave the pin in when you are on the fringe in the vain hope that it might stop your ball. You think, "I can still make bogie if I hole this one from 140 yards out." Your group has rules for Mulligans. The starter leaves a one-hour gap after your tee time. You yell "Fore!" on a par three and everyone runs onto the green for safety. The club has named the pond in front of a green after you. The most-used equipment in your bag is your ball retriever.

Why was the Australian team late for the Gay Olympics? They were stuck in Sydney! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] August 22, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

The Olympics are finally over. I feel like a bear coming out of my cave after hibernation!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5501 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

What does Usain Bolt do if he misses the bus? Waits for it at the next stop!

A man thought his wife was cheating on him when she went out without him for the fifth night in a week, so he hailed a cab and followed her... to a whorehouse! He asked the cabbie, "Wanna make $100?" "Sure! What do you want me to do?" "Go in there and bring my wife back here." The driver did and emerged minutes later dragging a woman, kicking and screaming. He threw her inside the cab and told his passenger, "Hold her!" The man yelled at the cabbie, "Hey! This ain't my wife!" The cabbie yelled back, "I know. She's mine! I'll get yours next!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, August 19, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] August 19, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Bob Yetter sends along this video of Kevin Schmidt climbing to the top of 1,500' TV tower to change the light bulb. I got queasy just watching!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1BgzIZRfT8

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

We bought our dream house years ago and furnished it with quality pieces only as we could afford them. When the delivery truck unloaded our final purchase, a bedroom suite, I said to the driver, "Finally! I've been waiting twelve years for this!" He responded, "Don't blame me, lady. They gave me the order this morning!"

The prison doctor held his first new-prisoner rehab meeting. "Each of you stand up, state your name and the crime you committed." The first prisoner said, "I'm Daniel and I'm in for armed robbery." Everyone gave Daniel approving looks for the seriousness of his crime. The next guy said, "I'm Mike and I'm in for murder." Another round of approving looks. The third man said, "I'm Luke and I'm in for bestiality." The other inmates were disgusted! One shouted, "How low can you get?!" Luke replied, "Well, once I managed to do a dachshund but I had to lift up her back legs a little!"

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.

 

 

AL
Laugh at www.allowe.com
For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

 

 


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Thursday, August 18, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] August 18, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Al Bryda sends along Gravity Glue, the nom de plume of Michael Grab, a rock balancer who stacks stones. Doesn't sound like much? Click here. He's amazing!
http://www.gravityglue.com
Think he uses glue? Here’s a real-time video of him building one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gywN2QJ3QOs 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

On Halloween night, a dental hygienist realized that she couldn't make it home in time for the trick-or-treaters if she stopped at the store to buy snacks. So she grabbed some free samples from her office's supply. That night, she handed out dozens of toothbrushes, mini-tubes of toothpaste, and dental floss. The next year, although she stocked up on candy, not one child knocked!

As I climbed into bed, she said disgustedly, "You're drunk!" I said, "How do you know?" She replied, "Because you live next door!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Wednesday, August 17, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] August 17, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Vincent Rizzuto sends along this sweet little 13-year-old girl's first audition on “America's Got Talent.” I guarantee she'll surprise you!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCoxGV7j71c 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

As a potential juror in what was expected to be a long, drawn-out case, I was in the courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The prosecutor asked me, "Have you ever been mugged? Do you know the victim? Do you know the defendant?" The defense attorney took a different approach. "I see you are a teacher," he said. "What do you teach?" "English and theater," I responded. "Then I guess I'd better watch my grammar," he quipped. I shot back, "No, but you'd better watch your acting!" When the laughter died down, I no longer had jury duty!

“Do you know that Janie and Charlie didn't sleep together before they got married?" "Wow! That's unusual these days." "Well, Charlie wanted to, but the line was too long!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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