Friday, September 30, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] September 30, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Speaking of the changing phone scene, did you know that BlackBerry will no longer make its own smartphones, the device it once defined? Back in its day, I loved my Crackberry!

http://nyti.ms/2dhQnKj

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Women have to deal with menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, menopause, and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women. Tie.

A long line waited at the security checkpoint when suddenly one guy started massaging the back of the person in front of him. The second bloke turned around and said, "What in the hell are you doing?" "Oh, it's okay. I'm a chiropractor and I can't help myself. I just love practicing my art." The man in front said, "Are you crazy? I'm a lawyer, but I'm not screwing the guy in front of me!" 

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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, September 28, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] September 29, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Vincent Rizzuto sends along this video of the world's smallest jet plane. I don't think I'd want the engines pointing back at the cockpit when I’m inside there, but what do I know?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAdCt6qgj9k 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

An attorney lay dying, his lifelong law partner beside his bed. "Jack, before I die, I've got to confess: I've had an affair with your wife for thirty years, I fathered your daughter, and I've stolen from the firm for decades." Jack was calm. "It's okay, buddy. Let me confess something to you: I'm the one who poisoned you!"

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? He got stuck in a crack! 

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Pesan Penting Tentang Keamanan Akun Anda

Yahoo
 
PEMBERITAHUAN PEMBOBOLAN DATA
 
Pengguna Yahoo yang kami hormati,
 
Kami menulis surat ini untuk memberi tahu Anda tentang masalah keamanan data yang mungkin melibatkan informasi akun Yahoo Anda.


Apa yang Terjadi?

Penyelidikan terbaru dari Yahoo telah mengonfirmasi bahwa sebagian informasi akun pengguna tertentu telah dicuri dari sistem kami pada akhir tahun 2014 oleh seseorang yang kami yakini sebagai pelaku yang disponsori negara. Kami berkoordinasi erat dengan penegak hukum tentang masalah ini dan bekerja keras untuk melindungi Anda.


Informasi Apa Saja Yang Terlibat?

Informasi akun pengguna yang dicuri dapat mencakup nama, alamat email, nomor telepon, tanggal lahir, kata sandi yang di-hash (sebagian besar dengan bcrypt) dan, dalam beberapa kasus, pertanyaan keamanan dan jawabannya yang dienkripsi atau tidak dienkripsi. Akun Anda mungkin tidak memiliki semua elemen data ini. Penyelidikan yang masih berjalan mengindikasikan bahwa informasi yang dicuri tidak mencakup kata sandi yang tidak terlindungi, data kartu pembayaran, atau informasi rekening bank; data kartu pembayaran dan informasi rekening bank tidak disimpan di sistem yang menurut hasil penyelidikan telah terpengaruh.


Yang Kami Lakukan

Kami melakukan tindakan untuk melindungi pengguna kami:
  • Kami meminta pengguna yang kemungkinan terpengaruh untuk segera mengubah kata sandi mereka dan menggunakan metode alternatif dalam verifikasi akun.
  • Kami menganulir pertanyaan keamanan dan jawabannya yang tidak dienkripsi agar tidak dapat digunakan untuk mengakses akun.
  • Kami menyarankan semua pengguna yang belum pernah mengubah kata sandi sejak tahun 2014 untuk melakukan hal ini.
  • Kami terus meningkatkan sistem kami untuk mendeteksi dan mencegah akses tidak sah ke akun pengguna kami.
  • Kami bekerja sama dengan penegak hukum untuk menangani masalah ini.

Kami terus melakukan penyelidikan terhadap masalah ini.


Yang Dapat Anda Lakukan

Kami himbau Anda untuk mengikuti rekomendasi keamanan ini:
  • Ubah kata sandi serta pertanyaan keamanan dan jawabannya untuk akun Anda lainnya yang menggunakan informasi yang sama atau mirip dengan informasi yang digunakan untuk akun Yahoo Anda.
  • Tinjau akun Anda dan cari apakah ada aktivitas mencurigakan.
  • Berhati-hatilah dengan setiap komunikasi yang tidak diminta yang meminta informasi pribadi Anda atau mengarahkan Anda ke halaman web yang meminta informasi pribadi.
  • Jangan mengeklik tautan atau mengunduh lampiran dari email yang mencurigakan.

Selain itu, harap pertimbangkan untuk menggunakan Kunci Akun Yahoo, alat otentikasi sederhana yang tidak lagi membutuhkan penggunaan kata sandi.


Untuk Informasi Lebih Lanjut

Untuk informasi lebih lanjut tentang masalah ini dan sumber daya keamanan kami, silakan kunjungi halaman FAQ Masalah Keamanan Yahoo yang ada di https://yahoo.com/security-update.

Melindungi informasi Anda sangat penting bagi kami dan kami senantiasa berusaha untuk memperkuat pertahanan kami melawan ancaman yang menyerang industri kami.

Hormat kami,
Bob Lord
Direktur Keamanan Informasi
Yahoo
Yahoo
 
Can't see images? View as a webpage
 
Kebijakan Privasi    |   Web Beacons pada Email

RefID: 
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[cyberjoke3000] September 28, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

How did the Mona Lisa became so overrated? No, it wasn’t her smile. Blame it on theft. And Walter Pater. Who?

http://www.vox.com/2016/9/20/12941736/mona-lisa-famous

And don't miss the video that goes with it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2wy7Fp2fqw 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I hate it when I gain twenty pounds for a role and then remember: I'm not an actor!

A farmer was looking for something in the bedroom dresser when he found an envelope with three ten-dollar bills and a handful of soybeans. He confronted his wife and she confessed, "Oh, Dear, over the years, I haven't been completely faithful to you." "What?!" "I'm sorry. But when I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion." The farmer admitted, "Well, I must confess: I've not always been faithful either. I understand. It gets lonely out here. If you can forgive me, I can forgive you. But I'm curious: where did the thirty dollars come from?" "Oh that? When the price of soybeans hit ten bucks a bushel, I sold!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, September 27, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] September 27, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Way back in 2007, we passed a milestone when mobile phone texts exceeded mobile phone voice calls. Now, ten years later, the phone call is a thing of the past. The new rule is: only voice call people you've seen naked!
http://slate.me/2cvjjjH

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A chief petty officer caught an AWOL sailor trying to sneak aboard ship. "Sailor, sweep every link on this anchor chain before morning or it's the brig for you!" The sailor found a broom, started to sweep, but a tern landed on the broom handle. He picked it off and tossed it overboard but the bird returned and lit again on the broom. Again he tossed and again it returned, all through the night. The next morning, the petty officer inspected the chain and found it still dirty. "Sailor, what exactly did you do all night?" he yelled. The sailor responded, "Honest, chief, I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"

"Do you take a shower after sex?" "Sure." "You should have more sex!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, September 25, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] September 26, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Safety first is always smart! Here are some not-so-smarts!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5551

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Russian dolls are so full of themselves!

A elderly man asked a hitman to kill his wife. "It'll cost you ten grand." "That's okay, but exactly how will you kill her?" "One clean shot, just below her left breast." "That won't work. I want you to kill her, not break her leg!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, September 23, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] September 23, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

This time the Kids React video features the early video game consoles: Atari 2600. Watch the kids play Asteroids, and the infamous E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. We’ve come a long way!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7zM3qWXOto 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A gentleman flying first class asked the beautiful stewardess her name. She smiled and said, "Eva Benz." "Lovely. Any relation to Mercedes?" "No, but maintenance and upkeep are similar!"

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved to be less thick and insensitive! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, September 22, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] September 22, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

They may not look like Marty McFly's kicks, but Nike is finally launching self-lacing sneakers. I want some! Don’t you?

http://bit.ly/2d2Va1K

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A rookie pitcher was struggling in spring training. His catcher walked out to the mound. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You lose control at the same point in every game." The kid eagerly asked, "When? Tell me, so I can fix my problem." "Right after the National Anthem!"

My buddy opened a strip club named "The G Spot," but it failed. Guys couldn't find it! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, September 20, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] September 21, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Reading a webpage and find a word or phrase you want to search? Highlight it and drag it to Chrome's omnibar (web address field). Simple!

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Terry lived deep in the mountains when his college roommate, Gary, showed up driving an ancient Maserati sports car. Just as he pulled into the driveway, it broke down. They futilely called auto supply houses and garages searching for replacement parts. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Terry finally called Victor's Garage. "Vic," he pleaded, "you're my last hope. Do you carry parts for a 1962 Maserati?" Vic paused a long time, finally cleared his throat, and said, "Yep. Oil."

It takes ten muscles to smile; twenty muscles to frown; but zero muscles to not give a sh¡t!

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.

 

 

AL
Laugh at www.allowe.com
For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

 

 


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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] September 20, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Somehow I failed to update my CyberGag 3000™ counter. My apologies. Yesterday's link should have been:
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5541

 

MIT Media Lab researcher Barmak Heshmat is developing a camera that can read closed books! Currently, he can identify letters on 9 stacked pages, but he expects to do more in the future. Perfect for those too lazy to turn pages?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6i25SuJzb0A

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Sarah was browsing Craigslist on her tablet while her husband watched TV. Suddenly, she started laughing. "There's an ad from a guy offering to swap his wife for season football tickets. Dear, would you swap me for season tickets?" Her husband replied, "Absolutely not." Sarah softened. "Oh, you're so sweet! Tell me why not." "The season's nearly over!"

Things Better Left Unsaid During Sex: "Everybody looks funny naked." "You woke me up for that?" "Did I mention the video camera?" "Do you smell something burning?" “The backseat is so romantic." "Did you try breathing through your nose? "A little rug burn never hurt anyone." "Is that a Medic-Alert pendant?" "Did you lock the back door?" "Whipped cream gives me a rash." "Sure it's my first time... today!" 

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, September 19, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] September 19, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

This week may include the first day of Fall but there’s still time this summer for some fresh sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5521

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Mona looked deep into Jim's eyes and said, "I've been thinking. We need to see other people." Jim was astonished. "But this is our first date!" Mona replied, "Yep!"

"Honey, I think I'm going down to the pub tonight for the Big Dick Contest." "Oh, honey, I don't want you taking it out in public!" "But, sweetie, the prize is a hundred bucks and we could use the money." "I don't care. Just don't show that thing to everybody!" He let the subject drop but the following morning his wife caught him counting his money. "Did you enter that Big Dick Contest last night? After I told you not to?" "Please forgive me," he apologized. "You mean you took that thing out so everyone could see?" He sheepishly admitted, "No, dear. Only enough to win!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, September 16, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] September 16, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Remember the humanoid robot Atlas? When last we saw him, he was running through the woods. Now watch him work the balance beam. But not a 4" beam like the Olympic women, but a 1" plywood edge!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgZVk8Pzhf0

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Red Skelton used to say, "I knew a woman who had so many facelifts that, when she sat down, her shoes popped off!"

A couple hit it off at the bar and headed to her place. As they undressed, he asked, "Am I the first man to sleep with you?" His date answered, "Darling, you will be, if you doze off while we're screwing!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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