[cyberjoke3000] February 1, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Last Friday I copied and pasted the URL to that AutoCorrect site without checking it first because "I was sure I had laughed at it recently myself." I should have double-checked, of course. Instead, I misremembered, and I guess Neil did too, since you got a nothing site instead. So here's the real site, and it's well worth clicking again. And yes, this time I even clicked it myself!
http://damnyouautocorrect.com

On July 4th, 2009, in Anaheim, California, the Ambassadors of Harmony from St. Charles, Missouri (the city of my birth) earned the first perfect score in the history of barbershop quartet competition. Their choral work is crisp and clean and the choreography is great, too, with a surprise ending. Thanks, Gary Orndorff, for sharing this one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmDGntpZC3I

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Feeling remorse, Jim called in sick, stopped by the florist, chilled some Champagne, and spread rose petals all the way to the bed. She entered the room, looked around, and said, "I'm not in the mood" and left. So he got dressed and went home to his wife!

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[cyberjoke3000] January 31, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

It's the final day of January or, as I like to call it, "International Sight Gags Day!"
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2701

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A lecture is the act of transmitting information from a lecturer's notes to a student's notes without passing through the minds of either.

What does a Polish bride get that's long and hard on her wedding night? Her husband's last name!

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[cyberjoke3000] January 28, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Google's search suggestions aren't the only ones with problems. CyberJokester Neil Rubenking sends along this site of nothing but iPhone AutoComplete fails:
http://damnyouautocomplete.com

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I just put down a deposit on a new Porsche and mentioned it on FaceBook: "Can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" The next thing I know, 4,000 terrorists friended me!

Want to p¡ss off your husband while making love? Call him from your cell phone!

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[cyberjoke3000] January 27, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Anthony Runstedler sends along "Let Me Google That For You," a site that lets you poke fun at someone who asks you for something that's only a search away? An example:
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=convert+mkv+to+avi
To get your own link like that, go to:
http://lmgtfy.com
Type your search and the url to send your friend appears below.

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A woman decided to skydive for her 85th birthday. She attended the classes and, when the day came for her first jump, strapped on her chute. But, when it was her turn to leap from the plane, she took one glance at the ground below and lost her nerve. She turned to her instructor and shouted, "Help! I've gotten up ...and I can't fall down!"

What should a woman say to her man after sex? Anything she wants; he's asleep!

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[cyberjoke3000] January 26, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Who knew there was an entire website devoted to just the sort of Google search failures I mentioned yesterday? There is! And here it is:
http://www.autocompletefail.com

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

An egotist is one who is usually me-deep in conversation.

"John, what did you learn in Sunday School today?" "Well, Mom, our teacher told us that God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to get the Israelites out of Egypt. When they got to the Red Sea, they built a pontoon bridge so everyone could cross safely. He radioed HQ for reinforcements; they sent bombers and blew up the bridge. All the Israelites were saved and all the Egyptians were killed." "John, is that really what your teacher said?" "Well, not exactly, Ma, but if I told you what she said, you'd never believe me!"

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[cyberjoke3000] January 25, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

If you have Google's suggestions turned on, try typing just "why does" into it and then stop. Look at the second suggestion. WTF? That's the secondmost-popular entry in the "why does" category?!

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two Newfies were waiting at the bus stop when a truck loaded with sod drove past. Jimmy said, "When I win da lottery, I'm gonna do dat." "Do what?" asked Mikey. "Send away me lawn to be cut!"

The only downside to a threesome is that you could disappoint two women instead of just one!

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[cyberjoke3000] January 24, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I just got home from a short weekend trip to Long Beach. Boy, was the weather nice! Makes me glad to be home where it's cold and gray -- just so I can enjoy these sight gags in peace!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2691

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side!

A man was riding the bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breastfeed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on, eat it all up or ...I'll give it to this nice man here." Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on, kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"

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[cyberjoke3000] January 21, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Terri Adishian sends along this latest attempt at a flying car: 40 mph in the air and 0 to 60 in less than 4 seconds on the ground! Watch:
http://www.eaavideo.org/video.aspx?v=635469588001

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Being "over the hill" sure beats being under it!

You pick up a gorgeous hitchhiker. That's good. She faints inside your car. That's not good. You take her to a hospital where they say she's pregnant and congratulate you. That's bad. You say you're not the father, but she says you are. That's stressful. You request a DNA test to prove it's not yours, which it does. That's a relief. The doctor adds that you're infertile. That's terrible. Then you remember you have three kids at home!

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[cyberjoke3000] January 20, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester JJ Steadman sends along these hilarious videos from BBC1. Very creative.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aAtFrWft2k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlKOx7kvFec

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Visiting a genealogist, a man asked, "How much would it cost for you to trace my family tree?" "Oh, thousands of dollars," she replied. He was taken aback. "Oh. Uh, is there a less expensive way?" She said, "Sure. Run for president!"

A friend who lives where it has been snowing heavily for days says his wife has done nothing but stare through the window. If it doesn't stop soon, he says, he's gonna have to let her in!

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[cyberjoke3000] January 19, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Gary Orndorff sends along this Hand Dancing video. Haven't seen Hand Dancing yet? Watch this. These two are amazing!
http://stories-etc.net/hand-dancing.htm

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I used to live every day like it was my last, but people got tired of me screaming, "I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die!"

Note to all you texters: Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse!

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[cyberjoke3000] January 18, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Keith Thompson sends along the world's strongest, most expensive beer at $765 per bottle. It's worth the price, they say, because it comes inside a bottle that's inside a taxidermied squirrel! Huh?
http://bit.ly/cDiwKI

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The girl singer turned to the piano player and said, "How about Strangers in the Night?" The pianist responded, "Do you want that too fast or too slow?"

A buddy told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Easy. Her brother has a moustache!"

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[cyberjoke3000] January 17, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Welcome back to work, Sunshine. (Or, if you're a government employee, go back to bed and take the rest of the day off!)
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2681

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Doc, ya gotta help me. I'm seein' double!" "All right. Please sit on the examination table." "Which one?"

My wife was watching a cooking show the other day. I asked her, "Why are you watching that? You can't cook." She said, "You watch porn." ...Bitch.

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[cyberjoke3000] January 14, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

When you've got an infestation like this, who ya gonna call?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SURma5PlfGs

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

When Jenna awoke from her afternoon nap on New Year's Eve, she confided to her husband, "Max, I dreamt you gave me a diamond ring. What do you think that means?" Max answered with a smile, "Tonight you'll know." At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max handed her a small package. A delighted Jenna quickly ripped it open... and found a book entitled: The Meaning of Dreams.

You can say a lot of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly in school zones.

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[cyberjoke3000] January 13, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Listen to music with Windows Media Player? Here are some tips I bet you didn't know about:
http://technet.microsoft.com/en-us/magazine/ff714579.aspx

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

What do you get when you cross Lassie with a cantaloupe? A melon collie baby!

When one lesbian cockblocks another, is that a beaver dam?

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[cyberjoke3000] January 12, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Quotations marks are useful but seem to be more abused lately. Check out these examples:
http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Bjarne Stroustrup said, "I used to wish that my computer was as easy to use as my phone. Unfortunately, my wish has come true: now I can't figure out how to use my phone!"

What's the most dangerous thing in Washington, D.C.? An intern with a chipped tooth!

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[cyberjoke3000] January 11, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Steve Bass's newsletter, Tech Bite, is always interesting and informative. I've subscribed for years. You may want to, too. Check it out for free at:
http://www.techbite.com

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The Red Cross called me asking for help with the floods in Pakistan. I told them, "I'd love to, but my hose only reaches to the bottom of the driveway!"

Two hookers were working their corner. One sniffed and said, "I think business will be good today -- there's c*¢k in the air!" The other replied, "Don't be so sure; I just belched!"

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I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.

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[cyberjoke3000] January 10, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

What? Seattle is going to get another snow? Well, this proves it: global warming must be a hoax! Rub a few sight gags together to stay warm:
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2671

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Dear Kids: The tooth fairy does not exist. That money under your pillow is from your parents. Sincerely, Wikileaks.

The high school English teacher asked Suzi to use the word "handsome" in a sentence. Suzie thought a moment and then said, "Sometimes, when I'm with my boyfriend, my jaw gets sore and I hafta use my handsome."

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For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Every past issue is here.
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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.

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[cyberjoke3000] January 7, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Petrucio sends along another fascinating, interactive science site that demonstrates how the planets revolve around the sun...and much more!
http://www.gunn.co.nz/astrotour

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A man entered a flophouse near the wharf. The clerk said, "I've only got one bed left, but it's in a room with three other men." He was desperate, so he agreed. The room was bare, with only a single bulb dangling above. Three men sat huddled in three different corners. He asked the first man, who was plucking at the air over his head and then throwing towards his feet, "What are you doing?" "I hate the stars, so I'm tearing them from the sky and throwing them into the ocean." He asked the second man, who was plucking at the ground near his feet and then throwing up in the air, "What are you doing?" "I love the stars, so I'm plucking them from the ocean and returning them back to the sky." The man thought, "Oh, boy. This is gonna be one long night." He asked the third man, who was making running motions with his fingers along his arm, "What are you doing?" "Hey, those other two are clearly crazy, so I'm getting the hell out of here!"

What do pantyhose and Brooklyn have in common? Flatbush.

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For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
If you can read, you qualify! And it really is free.
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Every past issue is here.
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To change your email address
Go here, unsubscribe your old address, then resubscribe with your new address.

To contact me
For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.

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[cyberjoke3000] January 6, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Want to see the very first photograph of a human being? It's not a joke and, while not yet confirmed, it very well may be.
http://bit.ly/bupr0w

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A street fair vendor had a sign that read, "FRESH FISH FOR SALE HERE." A customer suggested, "Your sign is too long; where else could you sell fish if not here?" So the vendor tore off "HERE." The next customer said, "Your sign is too long; what else would you do with fish if not sell it?" So the vendor tore off "FOR SALE." The next customer said, "Your sign is too long; you couldn't sell fish if they weren't fresh." So he tore off the "FRESH." His next customer said, "You don't need that "FISH" sign; I smelled 'em a block away!"

Who is more efficient, the prostitute or the crack dealer? The prostitute, because she can wash hers and sell it again!

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For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
If you can read, you qualify! And it really is free.
You can learn more about it here.
Every past issue is here.
To join, send a blank email here.
To quit, send a blank email here.

To change your email address
Go here, unsubscribe your old address, then resubscribe with your new address.

To contact me
For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.

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