Monday, September 29, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] September 30, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

BuzzFeed presents these helpful household tips: "34 Ways To Make Your Stuff Last As Long As Possible"
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/4KYCaH 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor!

 

Definition of "making love": What women do while guys are f*¢king them. 

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Sunday, September 28, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] September 29, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

The Mariners may be out of the play-offs but I’m not out of CyberGags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4511

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

What did the pirate say when he turned 80? "Aye, Matey."

 

Hubby was feeling amorous. "Well, dear, what'll it be tonight?" he asked. "How about something special? Turkey style!" she replied. "Turkey style? I've heard of doggy style, but what's turkey style?" "Gobble, gobble, gobble!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, September 25, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] September 26, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

There was a pattern in WheezyWaiter's last few videos and with his 1,000th video, he revealed all. You’ll be surprised, too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1NVALEht_g 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

You May Be A Preacher If: You've worn a necktie into a creek. You've dreamed you were preaching, only to awaken and discover ...you are. You'd rather negotiate with terrorists than with the church organist. A church picnic is no picnic. You've wanted to fire the church and form a congregation search committee. You've been tempted to take up an offering at a family reunion. You wanted to give the soundman some feedback of your own. You wanted to lay hands on a deacon and you weren't thinking of praying for him. You feel like you're herding mules instead of shepherding sheep. It's your job to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.

 

The best way to wake up in the morning is surprise sex. Unless, of course, you're in prison. 

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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, September 24, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] September 25, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

This short video shows you "35 Jobs That No Longer Exist," most of them deservedly so! Sometimes progress makes an industry obsolete; at other times, we realize that things like phrenology are just plain hogwash.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvVVheFL9AQ

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Parallel lines have so much in common it's a shame they'll never meet!

 

Jesus got bored in Heaven and decided to hitchhike around the United States. He started in Nebraska where an 18-wheeler soon pulled over and He climbed in. They drove along for a while, chatting and getting along well, when the trucker asked, "You hungry?" "Sure." The trucker graciously split his sandwich, giving half to his passenger. A while later, the driver asked, "You thirsty?" and shared his Coke with Jesus. A while later, the trucker asked, "How about a little dessert?" as he pulled out a joint and lit it. "Want a hit? It's some good sh¡t." Jesus thought, "Why not? I'm on vacation" and took a big toke. Enjoying the buzz and reflecting on how nice this trucker had been, He realized He hadn't introduced Himself. He said to the trucker, "You've been so kind to me, sir, giving me a ride, sharing your food and drink and this joint with me. Allow me to introduce myself: I am Jesus Christ, the son of God, and you live the life of a true Christian." The trucker grinned. "Dude, I told you that was some good sh¡t!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, September 23, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] September 24, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Printable Paper is a website filled with just that: hundreds of PDFs you can print so you don’t have to buy expensive specialty papers like graph paper, music paper, bookkeeping and more.

http://www.printablepaper.net 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

My wife accused me of being immature. I said, "Get out of my fort!"

 

The redneck farmer was angry to find his son masturbating out in the barn. "Boy, you gotta quit that! You need to go git yurself a wife!" The boy did, a pretty young girl. But a week after the wedding, dad caught him choking the chicken again! "You crazy redneck!" he yelled. "That Ellie Mae is a fine young gal!" His boy replied, "I know, Paw, but sometimes her arm gets tired!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, September 22, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] September 23, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Are you getting the most from your Netflix subscription? This collection of Netflix hacks will help you squeeze every bit of binge-watching goodness from my favorite streaming service.

http://slate.me/1qSTQkW 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Shouldn't the seagulls that live at the bay be called bagels?

 

Two men were discussing how cold their wives had become. The first man said, "My wife's so cold, if I put a glass of water in bed with her, the next morning it would be frozen." The second guy said, "Hell, that's nothing. My wife's so cold, whenever she spreads her legs, our furnace kicks on!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] September 22, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Ah, fall is in the air. And sight gags are on my website!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4501 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Alex's first Toastmasters speech wasn't going well. One by one, the audience left so that when he finished, there was but one man remaining. Alex put his speech in his pocket and walked over to the man. "Thank you for staying," he said. The man replied, "You're welcome." Alex asked, "But would you mind telling me why you didn't leave along with everybody else?" The man frowned and said, "Because I'm the next speaker!"

 

Enough with the e-cigarettes. Where are the e-doobies?! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, September 18, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] September 19, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Remember: today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day 2014!
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

Think you know everything about sex? Watch as Dr. Aaron Carroll debunks 20 common sexual myths.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSNoiAnUnH0

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A better world would be where chickens can cross a road without having their motives questioned!

 

The bitter winter was nearly over when one shepherd confessed to another, "I can hardly wait until it's time to shear the flock." The other shepherd nodded. "It'll be great to sell the wool and spend the money on booze and women!" The first responded, "That's not it. I can't wait to see them naked!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, September 17, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] September 18, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Got one minute? Want to smile? I bet you can't watch this man run around midtown Manhattan joyfully high fiving people trying to hail a cab without grinning!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fn6s_LMkJ70 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Three death row prisoners, about to be executed, were asked what they wanted for their last meal. The first prisoner requested pepperoni pizza; he was served, ate, and then led away. The second prisoner asked for filet mignon; he was served, ate, and then led away. The third prisoner asked for a big bowl of strawberries. The guard was surprised. "Strawberries? You can have anything you want." " Strawberries. I want strawberries." "But they're out of season." "I'll wait...."

 

What's the difference between eating sushi and cunnilingus? The rice. 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, September 16, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] September 17, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Seeking a new career challenge, actor Bryan Cranston (of Breaking Bad) stages a one-man recreation of the MLB Postseason in this incredibly strange actual commercial for MLB. Droll!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18nLV3TZ4pE 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

What disease was this ham cured of?

 

You May No Longer Be Cool If: You listen to talk radio. Your daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears. The pattern on your shorts matches your sofa. You fondly remember your leisure suit. You criticize kids for their Satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath. You call the police about the noisy party next door instead of grabbing a beer and joining it. Jogging is something you do to your memory. "Getting some action" means your prune juice worked. Cars behind you flash their headlights. You actually ask your father for advice. You don't text. You first car cost the same as your son's new running shoes. You turn down free rock concert tickets because you have to work tomorrow. Grass is something that you cut, not cultivate. 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, September 15, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] September 16, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Think we're "beyond race?" Watch as two men, one white and one black, pretend to break into a car in Los Angeles.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuyMuLGXxTs 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

There are worst things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. Like getting a call for the right number!

 

A father checked on his three daughters late one night. He heard laughter from the youngest daughter's room. He heard crying from the middle daughter's room. But he heard nothing from his eldest daughter's room. The next morning at breakfast, he asked the youngest daughter, "Why did I hear you laughing last night?" She answered, "Because you taught me to laugh when someone makes me happy." He asked his second daughter, "Why did I hear you crying last night?" She answered, "Because you taught me to cry when someone makes me hurt." He told his oldest daughter, "But I didn't hear anything from you last night." She answered, "Because you taught me not to talk with my mouth full!" 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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