Wednesday, April 29, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] April 30, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Dallas Parker sends along this useful website "Is it down right now?" You give it a URL, it tests the website and tells you if it's down for everyone or if it's just you.

http://www.isitdownrightnow.com 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A prestigious law firm interviewed many candidates, narrowing the field down to Robert and Paul. Both had graduated magna cum laude. Both were from good families. Both were attractive and well spoken. It was up to the senior partner to decide, so he took each aside and asked one question: "Why did you become a lawyer?" Within seconds, he chose Paul. Baffled, Robert took Paul aside and said, "I don't understand why I was rejected. When he asked why I became a lawyer, I told him that I had great respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution, and that all I wanted was to serve my clients. What did you say?" Robert replied, "I told him I became a lawyer because of my hands." "Your hands? What does that mean?" "There wasn't any money in either of them!"

 

I directed a play and decided to spice it up by adding a lesbian shower scene. Some reviewers said it was fresh and the kind of boldness that theater needs today. Most said I'd ruined the nativity. 

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I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, April 28, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] April 29, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Robin Spark sends along this webpage of intriguing photographs of a decades-old traffic jam, deep in the woods of Belgium.
http://bit.ly/1B9bL6s 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Reasons to Ask Your Boss for a Raise: You deposit your paycheck at the bank and the teller bursts out laughing. The Red Cross offers you emergency assistance. Your only credit cards are for thrift stores. You work full time and still qualify for food stamps. Your primary hobby is clipping coupons. The IRS sends your tax return back stamped, "Charity Case -- Return to Sender." You hold the world record for rebate requests from Young America, Minnesota. You pay all your bills, put the one remaining dollar bill into your wallet, and it goes into shock. You're arrested for taking coins from the town fountain.

 

Guy: "Mine's so big, it should come with a warning label: 'Choking Hazard'!" Gal: "Isn’t that the warning label on tiny objects?" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, April 27, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] April 28, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Think your computer is running slowly? You may have programs running that you don't know about. Visit "Should I Remove It?" which uses crowd-sourcing to establish apps’ pedigrees. There's even a free program you can download to your computer to help you find unwanted software.

http://www.shouldiremoveit.com 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

After their dog died, Mom and Dad tried to console their young daughter. "Susie, it's not your fault. He's probably up in heaven right now, having a good time with God." Susie sobbed, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

 

A king was stranded on a desert island with his court jester. Soon the king was weak from lack of sex. But before long, he was at his wit's end! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] April 27, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Since Comcast announced last week that it’s dropping its attempt to merge with Time-Warner Cable, let’s celebrate with some sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4811 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

At first, I was a vegetarian for moral reasons, then for health reasons, but now I do it just to p¡ss people off!

 

My girlfriend begged me, "Give me nine inches and make it hurt!" so I gave her all three inches three times and then slapped her! 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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To contact me
For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, April 24, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] April 24, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I've flown often enough that I usually tune out the pre-flight instructions since I could give them myself, if needed! Here's one flight attendant that earned every passenger's attention!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxNrizGdhtY 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Some soldiers saw a boy leading a mule and thought they'd have some fun with him. "Hey, boy," yelled one, "you sure are keepin' a tight rein on your brother." The boy replied, "Sure am. If I didn't, he might join the Army!"

 

Two guys discussed their weekend. Dave said, "My weekend was the best! I finally scored, big time." Simon said, "I scored too, but it was the worst!" "How so?" "Well, Cecilia from Accounting took me back to her place and said she'd do anything I wanted. I went for a blow job, but as soon as she started, she turned blue, coughed like crazy, and passed out." Simon said, "Damn! What happened?" Dave responded, "Turns out, she's allergic to nuts!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, April 22, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] April 23, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Here's a recent version of the classic comedy sketch "The Four Yorkshiremen," performed by Harry Enfield, Alan Rickman, Eddie Izzard, and Vic Reeves. A "can you top this lie" classic!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Lb-2VaJYPw
Here's a version performed in the '90s at a Python reunion concert:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEIApUNVBKg
And here's an even earlier version from the TV who show "At Last: The 1948 Show," starring Graham Chapman, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Marty Feldman, and the pre–Monty Python John Cleese. It's fun to watch it grow through the years.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKHFZBUTA4k 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two candidates running for a local office bumped into each other in a diner. One said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my personal touch. For example, I always generously tip my waitress and then ask her to vote for me." The other candidate said, "Oh, really? I always tip a quarter and then ask them to vote for you!"

 

Last night, I went out and got totally wasted. In the middle of the night, I woke up beside some chick who was snoring and farting. Well, at least I got home safe! 

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, April 21, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] April 22, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

"Hey, Joey!" Are bad one-liners becoming an Internet meme? Maybe. Here's another guy with a flock of 'em!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?&v=c0DybnAqW44 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The hospital's admissions clerk told a woman, "Hold out your wrist and I'll give you a bracelet." The woman responded coyly, "Does it have rubies and diamonds?" The clerk grinned. "No, but it's more expensive!"

 

Four women were playing bridge at Sophie's house when her husband came out of the bedroom. "I'm going out for a coffee." "Fine," said Sophie. "Come here." He walked to the table and she unzipped his fly, pulled it out and gave him oral sex. When he finished, she cleaned him up; he rezipped and walked out. The three women were stunned. An hour later, he returned and Sophie again summoned him over, and gave him oral sex on his way to his room. She responded to the women's apparent shocked silence and asked, "What? Did you ever smell his breath?"  

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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To contact me
For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] April 21, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

How many aluminum cans have you opened? Many, I’d bet. But do you know how one is made? I didn't either, but now I do. Watch "The Ingenious Design of the Aluminum Beverage Can," by The Engineer Guy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUhisi2FBuw

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The tax collector went to a tannery and asked, "Why haven't you paid your taxes?" The owner replied, "Business has been terrible." "Do you mind if I look around your place a little?" The tannery owner responded, "Go right ahead. You'll see: I have nothing to hide!"

 

On a maiden, a man once begat
Cute triplets named Nat, Tat and Pat.
'Twas fun in the breeding
But hell in the feeding:
She hadn't a spare tit for Tat. 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, April 19, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] April 20, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Tax season is over. Enjoy some sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4801

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

If a hipster does something but doesn't Instagram it, did it really happen?

 

A bookish young man went to a whorehouse but the madam said, "All my girls are already taken for the night but, if you don't mind, I'm available." He didn't, so they went upstairs. As soon as he was undressed, she noticed his tiny, flaccid, two-inch member. Seeing her disappointment, the guy commanded, "Rise, Caesar!" and it grew to an impressive twelve inches. About five hours later, madam was impressed. "Sir, this has been one of the most enjoyable evenings of my life. Would you mind if I call the girls in so they could see that Caesar of yours? You're really quite special!" But the man said firmly, "No, madam, no. I came here to bury Caesar, not to praise him!" 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, April 17, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] April 17, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Something about Claudio Caluori's voice makes hurtling down a steep, boulder-encrusted trail seem light-hearted and fun. Listen (and watch!) as he narrates his first attempt down this challenging mountain-bike trail:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQYtCELr2vM 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I deleted all my German friends from my smartphone's contacts. Now it's Hans-free!

 

A stripper, in a hurry to get home, left the club wearing nothing but a loose raincoat. As she crossed the street, she was hit by a drunk driver. She landed unconscious, with her body fully exposed. As a crowd gathered, a gentleman respectfully removed his hat and placed it over her crotch. The drunk driver, barely aware that something had happened, staggered over to see what the fuss was about. Seeing the nearly naked woman lying exposed on the street, he pointed to the strategically placed hat and slurred loudly, "The fffirst ting we gotta do ish get dat guy outta there!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
If you can read, you qualify! And it really is free.
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Every past issue is here.
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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, April 15, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] April 16, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Netflix recently spoofed the new Apple watch with this video, "The Netflix Watch." Funny!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NK33GjwzNRI 

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two young boys were in the children's ward. One asked the other, "Are you medical or surgical?" The second answered, "I don't know what that means." "Simple: were you sick when you got here or did they make you feel sick?"

 

Did you hear about the gay midget? He came out of the cupboard! 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Every past issue is here.
To join, send a blank email here.
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To change your email address
Go here, unsubscribe your old address, then resubscribe with your new address.

To contact me
For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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