It's Al Lowe's
So some woman is running for President? Big surprise. My choice in 2016? Sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4791
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Today's
Why I miss Rodney Dangerfield: I asked my old man, "How can I get my kite in the air?" and he told me to run off a cliff! My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! I was such an ugly kid that, when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up! My wife's such a bad cook that, at my house, we pray after meals! My parents hated me; my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. My wife's such a bad cook, our dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. I got no respect from my father; he carried around the picture of the kid that came with his wallet. When I was born, the doctor told my father, "I'm sorry, we did everything we could, but he pulled through anyway!" My wife made me join a bridge club; I jump off next Tuesday! When I was a kid, I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I asked him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" and he said, "I don't know, kid; there's so many places they can hide!" I'm so ugly that when I worked in a pet shop, people kept asking how big I'd get! I said to my doctor, "Every morning when I look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?" and he said, "Well, your eyesight is perfect!" I went to the E.R. because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills; the doctor said to have a few drinks and get some rest! If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all! They asked me to be a poster boy -- for birth control! My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he died in the electric chair! My wife has no respect for me; this morning she had sex with me just to time an egg! Last night, my wife met me at the front door wearing a sexy negligee; the trouble was, she was coming home! A hooker once told me she had a headache! I was making love to a girl and she started crying. I asked, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No. I hate myself now!" I once dated a girl so ugly that she was a two-bagger: I had to wear a bag over my head in case her bag came off! My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen, the roaches hang themselves! I went to a massage parlor; they took one look at me and told me it was self-service! I dated a girl so ugly, they used her in prisons to cure sex offenders! Yesterday I came home early and a naked guy was jogging past my house. I asked him, "Why?" and he said, "Because you came home early!" I'm so ugly, I stuck my head out the car window and got arrested for mooning! My wife likes to talk during sex; last night she called me from a motel! I was kidnapped and they sent my father a piece of my finger; he said he needed more proof! I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness after I was born! My family was so poor that, if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with! It's been a rough day: I put my shirt on and a button fell off; I grabbed my briefcase and the handle fell off; I'm afraid to take a leak! Even my dog doesn't respect me; last night he went on the paper four times -- three times while I was reading it! I was such an ugly baby that my mother wouldn't breastfed me; she told me that she only liked me as a friend!
A guy comes into a bar. No, wait. It was a horse. ...A guy comes into a horse...
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