Sunday, May 31, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] June 1, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Even if you’re not thinking of running for President, you can still enjoy a nice sight gag!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4861 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?" "Come quick! There's a burglar trapped in the home of an old maid." "Who is this?" "The burglar!"

 

At the end of the semester, Professor Lynte went over the final exam. "The final will test your comprehension via a multiple-choice test and an oral exam." Heather knew that if she did poorly on the final, she wouldn't graduate, so after class she went to Professor Lynte's office. "Professor," she said in her sexiest voice, "is there anyway you could help me out?" Within minutes, they were going at it on his desk. Afterwards, Heather asked, "So? How's my comprehension?" "So far, so good," said the professor, "but you'll have to come back again tomorrow." "Why?" "Because tomorrow is the oral part of the exam!" 

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Friday, May 29, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] May 29, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Al Bryna sends along Russ Johnson's Connected Traveler video, "A Night in Macau." Evidently Macau has out-Vegas'd Vegas!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uI2kO4qTi80 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Doctor, please help me. Every evening, a few minutes after my husband gets home from work, he slaps the back of my head." "Hmm. 'A few minutes,' you say? Try this: every evening, when your husband arrives home, eat a large apple, taking small bites and chewing each bite twenty times." A week later, she returned. "It worked, Doc! He hasn't slapped me once. How does it work? Is it the scent of the apple? Does that calm men?" The medic explained, "No. You can't talk if you're chewing!"

 

There was a young plumber named Lee,
Who plumbed his girl down by the sea.
Said the lady, "Stop plumbing!
I hear someone coming."
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "That's me!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Wednesday, May 27, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] May 28, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Al Bryda sends along this video of nature at her fantastic best. From National Geographic, here’s a collection of short clips of "Animals in the Wild."

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Hodomt6bBOw 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A salesman grew tired of his job and changed careers, becoming a policeman. Months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. He replied, "Well, the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is the customer is always wrong!"

 

A 1950s secretary walked into her boss's office and asked, "Sir, may I use your Dictaphone?" Her boss said, "Hell, no! Use your finger like everyone else!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Tuesday, May 26, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] May 27, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Tired of Java updates that try to sneak unwanted toolbars onto your browser? This should stop them! Go to Control Panels > Java > Advanced > Miscellaneous and check "Suppress sponsor offers when installing or updating Java." That’s one less PITA!

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A new father ran into the delivery waiting room and announced to his family, "It's twins!" His family was excited. One asked, "Who do they look like?" The new father blurted, "Each other!"

 

"Now, Susan, this is your first date and I want you to promise me something." "What, Mom?" "Whatever happens, don't let that boy put his hands up your dress." "Okay. I promise." Later, after a movie and burgers, the young couple parked in Lover's Lane. He made his move and ran his hand up her leg. She stopped him once firmly, then twice reluctantly, but by the third time, she was breathing hard. She whispered, "I promised my mother that I wouldn't let you put your hand up my dress. But, if you put your hand down the back of my dress, it'll be the second hole you come to!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Monday, May 25, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] May 26, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Last month, 2,000 feet below the Gulf of Mexico near Louisiana, ROV Hercules had an encounter with a magnificent sperm whale. Extremely rare, incredible footage. You’ll know just how much when you hear the excitement of the crew!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkBpummjR5I 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

During one busy court session, the judge passed a note to his clerk: "Blind on right side. May be falling. Please call someone." The understandably alarmed clerk made a quick phone call and then whispered to the judge, "Paramedics are on the way!" The puzzled judge pointed to a sagging Venetian blind on the right window and said, "I was thinking of someone from Maintenance!"

 

Erotic Literature for Premature Ejaculators: Chapter One -- She looked at him through smoldering eyes. The End 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, May 24, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] May 25, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Remember this Memorial Day what we’re celebrating and why. And it’s not sight gags.
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4851 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Ready to tee off on a 223-yard par three, the over-confident golfer bragged to his caddy, "Looks to me like a five-wood and a putt." The caddy shook his head; he'd been listening to this crap the whole round. But he said nothing and handed him his five-wood. The golfer topped the ball and it went about fifty yards. The caddy immediately pulled out the putter and said, "And now for one helluva putt!"

 

Two young boys, playing in a field, found a donkey that had died with an erect pen¡s. Being mischievous, they cut off the donkey's d¡ck and headed home. Rounding a corner, they spied a policeman and quickly tossed the member over the wall of the nunnery, where it landed directly in front of two nuns. Sister Agnes yelled, "Oh, no! They've killed Father O'Malley!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, May 21, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] May 22, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Albert van der Sluis suggests "World Time Buddy" as a superior alternate to yesterday’s WhatTimeIsIt.com. “Buddy” allows you to set up your own list of cities.
http://www.worldtimebuddy.com 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

It May Be Time To Diet If: Your dancing causes the CD to skip! You're diagnosed with a flesh-eating virus and the doctor gives you twenty years to live! You put mayonnaise on your aspirin! Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side. You were born with a silver shovel in your mouth! You could sell shade! " When you ran away, your picture took up all four sides of the milk carton! Your blood type is Ragu! At the zoo, elephants throw you peanuts!

 

There was a young fellow named Lancelot,
Whom his neighbors all looked on askance a lot.
Whenever he'd pass
A presentable lass
The front of his pants would advance a lot! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] May 21, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Robin Spark sends along this handy website that gives you the current time anywhere in the world.
http://whattimeisit.com/cgitime.exe?Mode=FullList 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

As we drove in the funeral procession, my daughter asked the dreaded question, "Dad, what will happen to us when you die?" My son didn't even look up from his texting. "Dummy! We'll ride in the limo!"

 

What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and an anorexic prostitute? One is a phony buck... 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, May 20, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] May 20, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Jean Melvin sends along this interesting and intelligent video where Stephen Colbert interviews Neil deGrasse Tyson. This one take a while to watch, but I thought it was well worth it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hw8XWC6eJuE 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Young Larry: "When I grow up, I'm going to be a policeman and follow in my father's footsteps." Young Harry: "I didn't know your father was a policeman." Young Larry: "He isn't. He's a burglar!"

 

What's the difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes? If you tell each of them the truth, the IRS will still f*¢k you! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, May 18, 2015

[cyberjoke3000] May 19, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

While many museums lock down selfie sticks, this Philippine museum wants its visitors to be part of the art on display. Visitors are invited to make themselves a part of the picture.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94eV2k1nikc

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

There was a knock on the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter looked out and saw a man standing there. But when Saint Peter opened the Gates, the man was gone. He closed them but within seconds there was another knock. Just as Saint Peter opened the Gates again, the man disappeared. The annoyed angel asked, "Hey! Are you playing games with me?" The man's distant voice echoed back, "No. They're resuscitating me!"

 

A couple was enjoying an evening at the bar. The wife went to the ladies' room but didn't return for a long time. "What took so long?" "Oh my god, I was in the toilet when some guy put a gun to my head." "What?! What happened?" "He said if I didn't give him a blowjob, he'd blow my brains out!" "Then what?" "Did you hear a gunshot?" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] May 18, 2015



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Finally, Don Draper can catch up on his sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4841

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The organist played a beautiful rendition of Bach's "Sheep May Safely Graze" as the pallbearers carried his casket from the church. After the service, the minister complimented him on his performance and added, "Do you know the deceased's profession?" "No idea," said the organist, gathering his music. The minister replied, "He was a butcher."

 

If my girlfriend is so proud of her multitasking, why is she against threesomes? 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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