Joke For All: April 2012

Monday, April 30, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] May 1, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Piotr Tugeman cautions us about Google Drive. It's Terms of Service agreement differs considerably from Dropbox and Microsoft's SkyDrive. Personally, I wouldn't upload anything that I wanted to remain private anyway, but still, these are worth reading:

http://zd.net/Iy5fBy

http://cnet.co/Iy5k8w

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why did the policeman arrest a dog just after she gave birth? For littering!

A guy was at his orthopedic surgeon for a checkup on his new hip. "Doctor, I really enjoy sex in sports cars." The doctor replied, "And I suppose you expect me to tell you it's okay for your new hip to have sex in cramped spaces?" "No," said the patient. "I want to borrow your Porsche!"

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.

AL
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[cyberjoke3000] April 30, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Tomorrow morning our Kickstarter campaign ends – with a bang! Thanks for all you’ve done to put us over the top. As of midnight, we’re $60,000 over our goal! Leisure Suit Larry will come again! But it’s not too late to up your reward, now that you’re sure we’re actually going ahead. Just go to http://kck.st/LeisureSuitLarry and click “Manage Your Pledge.”

Attention U. S. Secret Service agents: no need to haggle about the price of sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3331

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

What's 60 feet long and smells like pee? The retirement home conga line!

The co-ed came home for semester break already sporting at least her "freshman fifteen." Her father sized her up and asked, "Gain a little weight, dear?" "Yes, Daddy," she admitted. "I weigh 140 pounds, stripped for gym." The father looked concerned. "Jim, who?!"

Leisure Suit Larry is now on Kickstarter! Help Replay Games remake the original Larry 1 for modern platforms by pledging a small (or large!) sum at http://kck.st/LeisureSuitLarry and get some great rewards. And be sure to tell your friends, too!

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AL
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Thursday, April 26, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] April 27, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Google isn’t letting Dropbox’s success go unnoticed. This week, they announced Google Drive, with many more gigabytes of storage for free, and a lower price than Dropbox for additional space. While you can’t share a link the way you can on DB, I’m sure that will come soon. Check it out here:
https://drive.google.com

You may have seen my initial pitch for help with our Kickstarter project and thought I really could speak. Nope; that’s just good editing! Now you can learn the bitter truth: acting is tough! (For me!) Here are merely some of the ways I screwed up:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wb8Iu81r-SA

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Todd appeared before the judge yet again. The judge leafed through his criminal record. "Hmm, shoplifting, hit-and-run, disorderly conduct, armed robbery, sexual assault, manslaughter, sexual assault, forgery, sexual assault..." "Yeah, I know," said Todd. "It took me a while to figure out what I was good at!"

My wife and I were quietly enjoying our morning coffee when I announced, "When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff." "What? Why?" "Because a woman as fine as you is bound to remarry and I don't want some a$$hole using my stuff." She didn't even look up from her paper as she said, "What makes you think I'd marry another a$$hole?"

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AL
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[cyberjoke3000] April 26, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

You Did It!!

You Kickstarted Larry! This morning we made our goal, with 7 days to spare. Thank you so much! You turned computer software's biggest loser into a real winner. I appreciate it so much. But don't stop now. Keep helping us spread the word. Now we have the chance to make the game bigger and better and in more languages and ... and ... and ... Again, thanks to everyone who helped!

And today was doubly exciting because we made Forbes magazine in an online article entitled, "Leisure Suit Larry's Creators Kickstart An Ailing Franchise."
http://onforb.es/In0Com

plus the Wall Street Journal's website covered us. This one was a total surprise! "Game Creators Pursue Passion Project on Kickstarter."
http://on.wsj.com/JAX8TS

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A man visiting a hospitalized friend noticed several nurses wore pins that looked like apples. He asked one what the pin signified. She said with a smile, "Oh, nothing; it's just to keep the doctors away!"

The delivery room nurse told the redneck in the waiting room, "Congratulations! Your wife has just given birth to quintuplets, five big baby boys." The redneck proudly answered, "I'm not surprised. I have a pen¡s like a chimney." The nurse replied, "You may want to get it cleaned; your babies are all black!"

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AL
Laugh at www.allowe.com
For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

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Wednesday, April 25, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] April 25, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Terri Adishian sends along this amazing video of an ant hill that was filled with cement and then dug up. Wait until you see what they found.
http://www.dump.com/2011/08/30/worlds-biggest-ant-hill-video/

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A man, walking through the supermarket parking lot past an empty cart, heard a woman ask, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?" He replied, "No. I'm only after one thing." As he continued on, he heard her murmur to her friend, "Isn't that just like a man?!"

Mary asked Jill, "Did you hear that Linda got a great new job?" Jill said, "Really? I wish I could get a new job." "Well, you could always do what Linda did." "What's that?" "When you interview, don't wear panties!"

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AL
Laugh at www.allowe.com
For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

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Monday, April 23, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] April 24, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Want to gain a little perspective on the size of things? CyberJokester Gary Orndorff sends along HTwins' "The Scale of the Universe," alledgedly created by two teenagers!

http://htwins.net/scale2/scale2.swf?bordercolor=white

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

After a Scottish couple strolled past a swanky new restaurant, the wife asked, "Did you smell that food? Incredible!" The husband thought, "What the heck? She deserves a treat!" So they walked past it again!

An Australian, an American, and an Irishman were POWs in WWII. The prison commandant was a real bastard and told them he'd kill all three unless their combined pen¡s length was twenty inches. The guards measured them and, fortunately, their combined length was exactly twenty inches. Later, the Australian said, "Well, mates, if it weren't for my 10-incher, we'd all be dead." The American said, "Naw, if it wasn't for my 8 inches, we'd all be dead." The Irishman said, "If that guard didn't turn me on, we'd all be dead!"

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AL
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For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

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Sunday, April 22, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] April 23, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

It’s working! Our Kickstarter campaign is over $465,000! Just a few more to go. Thanks for all your help! And as your reward, here are some sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3321

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A woman went in for jury duty and was surprised by the judge's definition of voluntary manslaughter: "An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in a compromising position." When asked what she thought of that clause, she responded, "Actually, I have a problem with it. During my first marriage, I caught my husband in bed with my neighbor and all I did was divorce him. I had no idea I could have shot him!" She didn't have to stay for jury duty!

Do you know how to piss off Winnie the Pooh? Stick two fingers in his honey!

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AL
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For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

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Friday, April 20, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] April 20, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Slashdot.org did an interview with me this week and posted it today. Did it generate some interest! We pulled in over $1,000 per hour today! If you want to see the interview, it’s here:
http://games.slashdot.org/story/12/04/18/2013213/leisure-suit-larry-comes-again-video

CyberJokester Jeffrey Katz sends along this video that's unlike anything I've never seen (or heard): musical Tesla coils playing "Sweet Home Alabama."
http://bit.ly/JdrjfV

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a quick search, he told his mother he needed a replacement. Undaunted, she went outside and, in a few minutes, returned with the lens. "How did you find it, Mom?" asked the incredulous teen. She replied, "We weren't looking for the same thing; you looked for a tiny sliver of plastic. I looked for a hundred dollars!"

How is a blonde like a hockey player? They both change pads after three periods!

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
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Send your comments and feedback here.

AL
Laugh at www.allowe.com
For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] April 19, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Whoo-hoooo! Our Kickstarter campaign just passed $400,000! Thank you if you’ve already pledged. And if you haven’t, what are you waiting for? <grin>

Do you remember last year's “People Are Amazing?” Here's the new 2012 edition. It’s amazing, too!

http://www.flixxy.com/people-are-amazing-2012.htm

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why do Italians wear gold chains around their necks? So they know where to stop shaving!

At my hearing exam, the cute, young audiologist prescribed hearing aids. She told me, "Use these and you'll hear sounds you haven't heard in years!" I told her, "Funny, that's the same thing my doctor said when he prescribed my Viagra!"

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

AL
Laugh at www.allowe.com
For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

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[cyberjoke3000] April 18, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester John Novotny sends along these wonderful 4"x5" Kodachrome images from WW2. You just don't get colors like this from digital images!
http://pavel-kosenko.livejournal.com/303194.html?thread=22669914

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

What happened when Bluebeard the Pirate fell into the Red Sea? He got marooned!

Little Suzi asked Little Johnny, "Where do little girls come from?" Johnny said, "They come from a hard-on." Little Suzi then asked, "And where does a hard-on come from?" Little Johnny said, "Big girls!"

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To contact me
For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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AL
Laugh at www.allowe.com
For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

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Joke For All

Monday, April 30, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] May 1, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] April 30, 2012

Thursday, April 26, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] April 27, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] April 26, 2012

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] April 25, 2012

Monday, April 23, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] April 24, 2012

Sunday, April 22, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] April 23, 2012

Friday, April 20, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] April 20, 2012

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] April 19, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] April 18, 2012

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