Joke For All: May 2013

Friday, May 31, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 31, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Here's a tip I accidentally discovered myself: while watching a YouTube video, type "F" to switch to fullscreen. (You’ll still have to press "ESC" to exit.)

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Little Johnny asked, "Mommy, why does Daddy have so little hair on his head?" His mother answered, "Because he thinks a lot." Little Johnny thought a moment and then asked, "So why do you have so much hair?"

70% of the gay population was born that way; the other 30% were just sucked in!

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Wednesday, May 29, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 30, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Wallace Krebs sends along this one-minute video that shows the entire world's air traffic for one day. Remember: each of those dots contains hundreds of passengers!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1US_4uf4YE

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Did you hear about the new Playboy magazine for married men? It has the same pictures, month after month after month after...

Smoking one cigarette shortens your life by 14 minutes, but having sex lengthens it by 12 minutes. So smokers: screw for your lives!

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Tuesday, May 28, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 29, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Zadir sends along "The Birds of New Guinea" by Cornell University, a fascinating look at exotic birds with unique plumage and sexual attraction techniques. Be sure to watch in fullscreen HiDef!

https://www.youtube.com/embed/REP4S0uqEOc

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why do so many elderly people use valet parking? Valets don't forget where they park the car!

Grammar is the difference between knowing your sh¡t and knowing you're sh¡t!

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Monday, May 27, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 28, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Zadir sends along the world's greatest bartender, Alexander Shtifanov from Ukraine. This guy has some serious skills!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60GJ0dJ1xmE

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two buddies were golfing. On the ninth tee, there was a bench overlooking a lake. One golfer said to the other, "Look at those two idiots out there, fishing in the rain!"

Three guys were discussing women. The first one said, "Southern women are the prettiest." The second said, "Southern women are the toughest." The third said, "Southern women are the most polite. That's why they hate orgies." The other two looked confused. "They hate orgies?" "Yep. Too many thank you notes to write!"

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Sunday, May 26, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 27, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester David Lipkin sends along Pixlr, an online photo editing site. It’s easy to use, has a large number of effects, and it’s free! Try it out:
http://pixlr.com/express

And here are some Sight Gag Classics that you may have missed:
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=501

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it will take eight visits!

Two cops were talking. "Saturday night I was at this great party and this gorgeous babe gave me the eye. We hit it off and she asked me to take her home. But as soon as we got in the car, she unzipped me and went down on me -- and I didn't even know her name." The other cop was intrigued. "So? What did you do?" The first cop said, "I figured this was one time it was best to shoot first and ask questions later!"

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Friday, May 24, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 24, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Ever want to edit a PDF file but you don't own expensive Adobe software? Try UniPDF, a free download. It even has a batch mode to do many files at once.

http://unipdf.com

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Cool Things About Having A Beer Belly: No more being pestered by annoying sorority girls! You have a built-in TV tray for nachos and beer! Great way to meet cute female cardiologists! Extra mass means you're much less likely to be thrown free of Earth into deep space! Your bellybutton can store quarters for the parking meter!

How do you make a woman squirm during sex? Tell her that her sister is tighter!

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Wednesday, May 22, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 23, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Wallace Krebs sends along the "Mystery of the Price Rupert's Drop," showing exploding glass at 130,000 frames per second.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xe-f4gokRBs

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Did you hear about the cannibal policeman who was arrested for grilling his suspects?

A sergeant took two of his new recruits to an off-base tavern. The sergeant asked the most attractive woman in the place to join him in a game of pool. She replied, "Actually, I'd rather play with your privates!"

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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 22, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Have you heard about Eventstagr.am? (Yes, that's the spelling.) If you're hosting an event, set up your laptop, an Internet connection, a video projector, and a screen. Create a unique hashtag and tell your guests to add it to their Instagram photos. Everyone's pictures get displayed immediately! More details at:
http://eventstagr.am
Depending on your guests, you may want to pay for the "moderated" version so you can limit what's shown.

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"My wife and I argue a lot. She's so touchy. The least little thing sets her off." "You're lucky. Mine's a self-starter!"

A waitress was tired of being hit on by this one customer, so she came up with a plan. "I'll tell you what, Loverboy. I'll have sex with you on one condition: if I don't hear bells ring and see lights flash, you owe me a thousand bucks." He grinned and agreed ...and then led her over to the pinball machine!

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Monday, May 20, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 21, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Google made some big announcements last week at its I/O conference. PCmag talks about the 10 biggest surprises here:
http://bit.ly/12h9JkF

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Have you ever seen a dollar bill all crumpled up?" my wife asked. "Huh?" I responded, not understanding. She gave me a sexy smile and slowly pulled a crumpled bill from her cleavage. "Have you ever seen a twenty all crumpled up?" she asked, moving her hands to her lap. "No," I said, catching on. She seductively pulled a crumpled twenty from her panties. She went on, "Have you ever seen $30,000 all crumpled up?" "No," I said, intrigued with where this was going. She concluded, "Well, you can out in the garage!"

My buddy called me and asked, "Can I stay at your house for a while? My wife kicked me out after she caught me measuring my d¡¢k." I told him, "That doesn't seem that serious." He continued, "It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!"

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Sunday, May 19, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 20, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I have some more “Sight Gags classics” for you today. Hopefully, by next week, I’ll have fresh new material for you.
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=1000

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A woman gave birth to a healthy, normal baby with just one problem: he had no body. Yes, he was just a head. But years passed and Mom kept her Bobby on a table near a window so he could watch the other children play outside. One day, the phone rang. It was the hospital. "A boy has been decapitated in a car crash and we think his body is a perfect match for your son!" She was overjoyed. "Bobby! I have a wonderful surprise for you!" Bobby looked up and said, "Not another hat!"

How did Pinocchio learn he was made of wood and wasn't a real boy? The day his hand caught fire!

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Friday, May 17, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 17, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Lowell Wall sends along this touching video of random acts of kindness shot by multiple Russian dashboard video cameras. This will surely improve your outlook on humanity! Don't worry about reading the language, this is universal.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGEiA80ZL08

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"That hot new secretary is driving me crazy! She's a real mirage." "I think you're using the wrong word. A mirage is something you can see but can't feel." "Yep, that's her!"

A German, an American, and an Englishman were exploring a jungle when they came across a breathtaking waterfall. The German said, "This waterfall makes me think of the German economy: strong, powerful, and smooth-running." The American said, "This waterfall makes me think of the great American Constitution: each atom of water is an individual with the freedom to make its own way through the world, in unison with nature." The Englishman said "This waterfall makes me think of oral sex." The American and the German turned to him in surprise. "How does a waterfall make you think of oral sex?" The Englishman replied, "Are you kidding, old man? Everything makes me think of oral sex!"

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Thursday, May 16, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 16, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Recently, 60 Minutes' Charlie Rose interviewed Bill Gates about his career after Microsoft and how he may become the most influential man of this century. See the interview here:
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50146679n

And see more of the interview on 60 Minutes Overtime:
http://cbsn.ws/12bK3pI

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

How is a singles bar different from a circus? The clowns at the circus don't talk!

Billy Bob came home and found a stranger in bed with his Tammy Lynn. He grabbed his shotgun. "Whoa, there, friend," said the stranger. "I'm a doctor. I'm just taking her temperature." Billy Bob cocked both barrels and quietly said, "Okay then, friend. When you pull that thing out, it had better have numbers on it!"

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Tuesday, May 14, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 15, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Wallace Krebs sends along this blast from the past: go to Google. Search for "atari breakout." Click "Images." Travel back in time!

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Did you hear about the gay Catholic? He couldn't decide if the pope was divine ...or simply faaaaaabulous!

What is the greatest fear of the dildo farmer? Squatters!

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Joke For All

Friday, May 31, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 31, 2013

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 30, 2013

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 29, 2013

Monday, May 27, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 28, 2013

Sunday, May 26, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 27, 2013

Friday, May 24, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 24, 2013

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 23, 2013

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 22, 2013

Monday, May 20, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 21, 2013

Sunday, May 19, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 20, 2013

Friday, May 17, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 17, 2013

Thursday, May 16, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 16, 2013

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] May 15, 2013

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