Thursday, October 31, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 31, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Want to see the first TV commercial ever broadcast? On July 1, 1941, at 2:29 pm, the Brooklyn Dodgers were playing the Philadelphia Phillies at Ebbets Field and WNBT-TV (later WNBC) broadcast the game. Shortly before the game began, this 10-second ad for Bulova clocks and watches made history. And we’ve had no peace since!
http://bit.ly/1eSgxg3

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Wouldn't it be great if we could throw ourselves in the dryer for a few minutes and then come out wrinkle-free, in our original shape, two sizes smaller, and smelling fresh?

I'm tired of people ringing my doorbell at all hours of the day and night, asking for donations. This morning it was some woman from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful!

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Tuesday, October 29, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 30, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Jed Feiman sends along this "end of the world" prank video produced by LG to show off the realism of their new 4K TVs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cer8I4cX-vs

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Question: "Is there any reason I should be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?" Answer: "Yes. Alimony!"

A cowboy went upstairs at the whorehouse, put his money on the table, and dropped his pants. The hooker nearly fainted -- it must have been eighteen inches long! She cried, "Hold on, pardner. I'll lick it. I'll suck it. But there's no way you're sticking that thing inside me." The cowboy pulled up his pants, grabbed his money from the table, and said, "Hell, woman, I can do all that mahself!"

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[cyberjoke3000] October 29, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Robin Spark sends along this interesting website that believes information is beautiful. Plus, a couple of samples to get you started:
http://www.informationisbeautiful.net
How to find every hole in your opponents argument:
http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/visualizations/rhetological-fallacies
Major causes of death in the 20th century:
http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/visualizations/20th-century-death

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

When is the best time to get an epidural? As soon as you learn you're pregnant!

O'Hare Approach: "United 143, best forward speed to the marker. You are number one." United 143 (male voice): "Roger, balls to the wall." ORD Approach: "American 245, you're number two behind a United 737. Follow him, cleared visual, at your best forward speed." American 245 (female voice): "Well, I can't do balls to the wall, but I can go wide open." Radio silence. Unknown male voice: "Is American hiring?"

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Monday, October 28, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 28, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Kanye! Take a break! Have a sight gag!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4031

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two guys wearing hoodies approached the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter said, "Wait here. I'll be right back." He found God and told him who was waiting. God said, "How many times must I tell you? We're not prejudiced here. This is Heaven. All are welcome. Go back and let them in!" Saint Peter returned to the Pearly Gates, sighed, then returned to God and said, "Well, they're gone." "The guys in hoodies?'" asked God. "No. The Pearly Gates!"

Sign near the door to Planned Parenthood: "Thank you for not coming."

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Friday, October 25, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 25, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Concerning yesterday’s virus alert, CyberJokester Mark Neblung recommended reading about Windows Secrets' CryptoLocker fix. It keeps it from installing in the first place. Of course, this fix probably won't last long; those creeps will find another work-around.
http://windowssecrets.com/top-story/cryptolocker-a-particularly-pernicious-virus

I've been a fan of Lester Perkins' "Jazz on the Tube" mail list. He sends out an email or two a day with links to great jazz videos. I think I've heard everyone for many years now! If you like jazz, check out this information page and then subscribe. It's free!
http://www.jazzonthetube.com/content/su1.html

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

For programmers only: "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... "Java."

A working mom needed to pack as many errands as possible into her lunch break, so she raced to the hospital to get a chest X-ray, then to the dry cleaners, and finally, the supermarket. But when she returned to the office, she noticed her co-workers gave her strange looks. Finally, one asked what she did during lunch. She explained her hectic hour then said, "Why do you ask?" He said, "Because your blouse is inside-out!"

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Thursday, October 24, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 24, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Danny Wheeler sends along the news about a new, particularly nasty virus called "Cryptolocker." This "ransomware" encrypts your files and then gives you a short deadline to pay them hundreds of dollars to decrypt your files. It spreads through email attachments, so be careful what you click! Read more about it here:

http://bit.ly/1gGC67r

http://bit.ly/1gGC9A7

And be safe out there, people!

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"The longer my pregnancy goes, the bigger I get, and yet, the more strangers smile at me. Why is that?" "Because you're fatter than they are!

Why do blondes like green lipstick? Because red means stop!

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Wednesday, October 23, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 23, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Robin Spark sends along a pair of new temporary email providers for those times when you must provide your email address to a website but don't want to get spam for life. Each temp address works, but only for ten minutes.
http://10minutemail.com/10MinuteMail

https://www.guerrillamail.com

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

An old hillbilly carried a young hillbilly into the E. R. and said, "See if you kin patch 'im up. I shot him in his ass. But don't hurt him; he's ma son-in-law." The doc asked, "Why did you shoot your son-in-law?" "'Cause when I shot him, he warn't my son-in-law!"

A survey reports that 75% of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer. Licking her nipples and some gentle fingering works for me!

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Monday, October 21, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 22, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Larry Richards sends along even more "life hacks," simple ways to save money and make life easier.
http://favmy.com/2013/10/12/photos/1381567607

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Oh, the tragedy: hundreds of kids, shipped off to mime boarding schools, never to be heard from again.

"Darling, I know you've always wanted a 'threesome.' Well, tomorrow's your birthday and I've been practicing with a girlfriend." "Yeah? Yeah!" "Yes. Tomorrow, I'm going to join you and Tom on the golf course!"

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[cyberjoke3000] FW: Giveaway of the Day

I don’t usually forward anything to CyberJoke 3000™, but I’m making an exception for a program I can’t live without. I tried Roboform years ago, loved it, bought it at full price, and have used it many times every day since! And today only (until midnight tonight!), it’s being offered for free as a Giveaway of the Day promotion.

I use its Everywhere feature on all our phones, tablets, and computers so each has all of our 751 different, unique, unrememberable (is that a word?) passwords, which I generated using Roboform’s built-in password generator.

All you need remember is one password and RF will remember all the others, everywhere you are. Highly recommended at $30. For free, until midnight tonight, it’s a no brainer. Click the link below now!

AL
Laugh at www.allowe.com
For free jokes daily, send a blank email here

From: noreply+feedproxy@google.com [mailto:noreply+feedproxy@google.com] On Behalf Of Giveaway of the Day
Sent: Monday, October 21, 2013 2:06 AM
To: al@allowe.com
Subject: Giveaway of the Day

Giveaway of the Day

Fill your name, address, email and more with one simple click with RoboForm.

Posted: 21 Oct 2013 12:00 AM PDT

With RoboForm, you’ll never need to remember or type your passwords again!

It’s now easier than ever to login to your favorite websites and applications. RoboForm makes the login process effortless by automatically saving, then entering your usernames and passwords. Simply click and login-similar to a browser bookmark!

Use RoboForm to securely store your name, address, email, credit cards, and all other personal information. Then just click on RoboForm to fill entire web forms automatically. Save yourself hours of needless typing!

With RoboForm Everywhere, you can access your RoboForm data and keep it in sync on all of your computers, smartphones, tablets, and USBs. Get the RoboForm for free today!

If you are Mac OS user, please get the installation materials here (file size: 38.7 MB)

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Sunday, October 20, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 21, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Attention federal government workers: now that you’re back on the job and the shut down has ended, you have time today to spend "working" on this:
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4021

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense!

"Doctor, what's a good time for sex?" The doctor replied, "Between noon and one o'clock." The surprised woman asked, "Why then?" The doctor said, "Because that's when my assistant takes her lunch!"

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Friday, October 18, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 18, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Mini Tasker automates many of the repetitive things you do with your phone everyday, like control Wifi, change screen brightness, turn on GPS, etc. based on rules you teach it. Check it out at the Play store:

http://bit.ly/1g4UoPE
Watch C-Net's video review of Mini Tasker here:
http://cnet.co/1eXYCqx

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The only thing that stopped me from smashing my alarm clock this morning is that it's my cellphone!

What's the best way to get into a sleeping bag? Wake her up first!

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Thursday, October 17, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 17, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Need a quick, free countdown timer? While its user interface is basic, it works.
http://alrt.io
And look at how easy it is to set a timer for 30 seconds; just follow this URL:
http://alrt.io/30sec

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

You know that tingly feeling you get when you fall in love with someone? That's your common sense leaving your body!

Prison Pick-Up Lines: "Is that a zip-gun carved out of discarded metal from the floor of the prison license-plate manufacturing shop in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" "I prefer dropping bar soap instead of that liquid junk!" "Hold still while I staple this centerfold to the back of your head!" "Wanna stamp a few license plates after dark?" "That orange jumpsuit really brings out the red in your knife wound!" "You look even better in person than you did on America's Most Wanted!" "If looks could kill, you'd get twenty to life." "You're getting your G.E.D.? Wow, that's so hot!" "Is your name Escape Tunnel because I've been digging you all night!"

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To contact me
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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Joke For All

Thursday, October 31, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 31, 2013

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 30, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 29, 2013

Monday, October 28, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 28, 2013

Friday, October 25, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 25, 2013

Thursday, October 24, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 24, 2013

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 23, 2013

Monday, October 21, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 22, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] FW: Giveaway of the Day

Giveaway of the Day

If you are Mac OS user, please get the installation materials here (file size: 38.7 MB)

Sunday, October 20, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 21, 2013

Friday, October 18, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 18, 2013

Thursday, October 17, 2013

[cyberjoke3000] October 17, 2013

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