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Today's
How to Annoy a Yankee: Take your own sweet time doing anything. Pronounce all one-syllable words with at least two syllables. When giving directions, finish up with ..."and it's right on down yonder on the left." Talk real slow. Talk loudly and often about SEC football. Call every soft drink a Coke. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. Insist on being addressed by at least your first two names. Ask 'em to speak slower so you can understand ‘em. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression;" if they say "Civil War," always respond, "There was nothing civil about it!" Address all males as "son" and all females as "li'l lady." Correct their pronunciation often, like, "pah-kahn," not "pee-can." Put
My neighbor's sexy daughter is home from college and I feel kind of dirty for looking at her. She prances around, scantily-clad, chasing her dogs around the yard -- I just can't take it! She should dress more conservatively. Or stay inside. Or maybe I should just put away my binoculars?!
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