Thursday, July 28, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] July 29, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Who doesn't like free stuff? Then why aren't you taking advantage of it? It's all over the Internet! Let Mental Floss show you "14 Totally Free Things on the Internet Everyone Should Take Advantage of" -- even if they do dangle their participle at us!
http://bit.ly/2amHCgE 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I saw my one-armed buddy this morning and asked, "Where you going?" He replied, "I'm going to change a light bulb." I laughed out loud. "That's going to be awkward, isn't it?" He said, "Not really. I've got the receipt, you insensitive bastard!"

I learned something last night. Evidently, when your girlfriend's dad asks, "What do you do?" the correct answer is not "your daughter." 

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I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] July 28, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Somebody "caught them all!" Two weeks after its US release, Brooklynite Nick Johnson collected all 142 North American Pokedex characters. The 28-year-old Johnson walked 129 miles to do it!
http://bit.ly/2ah8Kh2 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car ...and works as well, too!

"Jim, when you have sex, do you sometimes try out the other hole?" Jim answered, "The other hole? No way, man! I don't want to get her pregnant!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, July 27, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] July 27, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Doug Bulger sends along this news that you may have seen: VHS is gone. The last manufacturer has ceased production. "Goodbye, old friend; we spent many hours together!"
http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-36866470 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Yesterday, the boss told me, “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” But today, when I showed up in my Ghostbusters costume, she fired me!

A painter, whitewashing a country outhouse, fell through the seat and landed in the muck at the bottom. He screamed, "Fire! Fire!" Another worker came running, yelling, "Where's the fire?" As they pulled him out of the hole, the painter explained, "There's no fire, but if I had yelled, 'Sh¡t! Sh¡t!' who would have rescued me?" 

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, July 26, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] July 26, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Vincent Rizzuto sends along this story about the artist Cristo's latest project: yellow piers floating on Lake Iseo in Italy. This must be seen to comprehend. Sadly, it’s already ended.
http://bit.ly/29UVSAe

Video here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8b9xCvuBsM 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A mother and daughter had similar virus symptoms but the daughter had health insurance, so she volunteered to "go to the doctor and find out what's wrong with you." The following day she reported in: "Guess what, Mom? We're pregnant!"

A man saw his friend sobbing in the park. "Tommy? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" "Because I've got a 10-inch dick, man." "Geez, Tommy, most guys would love to be hung like that! So what's the problem?" "It takes me an hour to get a hard-on!" 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, July 24, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] July 25, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Yesterday was my 70th birthday. It’s odd, but in my mind, I’m still young.
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5461 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Things No Mother Has Ever Said: "How can you see the TV sitting so far away?" "I used to skip school a lot, too." "Leave all the lights on; it makes the house cheerier." "Let me smell that shirt; yeah, it's good for another week." "You can keep that stray dog, honey. I'll feed him and walk him every day." "Well, if it's okay with Timmy's mother, it's okay with me." "Your curfew is just a general time to shoot for; I'm not running a prison here." "I don't have a tissue; just use your sleeve." "Don't bother wearing a coat; that wind is bound to let up."

"What? You're dating your therapist?" "Yeah. She's personally helping me with the problem I have of licking my eyebrows!" 

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, July 22, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] July 22, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Bob Yetter sends along this video about Abigail and Brittany Hensel, conjoined twins who share one body. Two completely separate girls, these accomplished teens have just two arms and two legs between them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K57IcN9DWXo 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Bachelors are thin because, when they open the fridge, they say, "Oh, no. The same old stuff again!" and then go to bed. Married men are fat because, when they go to bed, they say, "Oh, no. The same old stuff again!" and then go to the fridge!

The logic class professor at a woman's college was discussing situational reasoning. "Assume you're alone aboard a small craft in the Pacific when you spot a vessel approaching with a thousand sex-starved sailors aboard. How would you avoid any problem?" The brunette said, "I'd turn my craft in the opposite direction." The redhead said, "I'd pass them, trusting my weapons to keep me safe." The blonde looked puzzled. "I understand the situation, but what's the problem?!"

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, July 20, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] July 21, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Kids home this summer? Kids bored this summer? Looking for creative things to do? Here are some YouTube science projects your kids will love.
http://bit.ly/29DHqN6 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A wife got up early one morning, worked a little in the kitchen, but was still tired, so she returned to bed. Her husband stirred and mumbled, "Is it time to get up?" She replied, "No, I just thought we could lie in bed." He said, "Hmm. Okay. I sold my truck for five million dollars yesterday. Your turn!"

I was sitting at a McDonald's Playland when another parent asked me, "Which one is yours?" I guess it wasn't a good idea to answer, "I haven't picked one out yet!" 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] July 21, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

If you've been around computers as long as I have, you may find this article from PC Magazine interesting: "Seven Classic Home PC Follow-Ups That Were Never Released." History that never was, but might have been.
http://bit.ly/29u6nuh 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I'm so embarrassed. I just learned that that Pringles holder on my treadmill is for water bottles!

Our commanding officer hated doling out weekend passes, but I had a good reason. "My wife is pregnant and I want to be with her," I told him. To my surprise, he replied, "Permission granted." Inspired by my success, my buddy gave it a try himself, even though his wife was not pregnant. When the C.O. asked why he should grant him a pass, my friend said, "My wife is getting pregnant this weekend and I want to be there when it happens!" 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, July 19, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] July 19, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

You may have noticed that I use the "Oxford Comma," that (possibly extra) punctuation in a list before the word "and." It's one of those things that you're either definitely for or definitely against. But what is its origin? CyberJokester Bob Yetter sends along this video to help:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhN5c1ucRNk 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the Shell station!

Bob, Max, and Ted needed someone to complete their Saturday morning golf foursome. Bob invited George, who fit right in, so they invited him to the next Saturday. George said, "I'd love to, but I may be a few minutes late. Can you wait for me?" They said they would. But George was right on time, except that time he played left-handed. "George, didn't you play right-handed last week?" "Yeah. I'm ambidextrous." After the round, he again mentioned that he might be a few minutes late. "No problem. See you Saturday!" The third Saturday, everyone showed up on time, and George played right-handed. For weeks, George was right on time, playing great with either hand. After a few weeks, Ted was curious. "George, every week you say you may be late, but you're right on time. And you play both left- and right-handed. What's your deal?" George says, "Well, it's like this: I'm superstitious. Whenever I wake up, I look at my wife. If she's sleeping on her left side, I play left-handed. But if she's sleeping on her right side, I play right-handed." Bob asked, "So what do you do when she's sleeping on her back?" George answered, "That's when I'll be late!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, July 18, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] July 18, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Just when I thought last week was bad, this week is worse. I hope these will help.
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5451

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory? Da brie was everywhere!

Things You Don't Want to Hear the First Time a Woman Sees You Naked: "This won't take long." "I've never seen one like that before." "It looks unused." "Does it look better in the daylight?" "Let's just skip right to the cigarettes." "Does it still work?" "Are you cold?" "I hope you have other talents." "You have a nice personality." "I guess this makes me the early bird." 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
If you can read, you qualify! And it really is free.
You can learn more about it here.
Every past issue is here.
To join, send a blank email here.
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To contact me
For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, July 14, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] July 15, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

James Newman spent four years building an enormous computer, 32 feet long and 6.5 feet tall, weighing half a ton, so that he can show you what goes on inside a computer.
http://bit.ly/29u7pGN
If you enjoy that overview, you can see more details on his YouTube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLNmCdcvSgJj5bllQx5E3A6OsbMq2luA9J

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

My therapist says I'm a narcissist. A great, important, and very special narcissist!

A young woman went out drinking and got totally plastered! The next morning, she rolled over ...and discovered an elephant in her bed. She moaned, "Oh, God! I must have been really tight last night!" The elephant smiled and said, "Well, maybe the first time!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
If you can read, you qualify! And it really is free.
You can learn more about it here.
Every past issue is here.
To join, send a blank email here.
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Go here, unsubscribe your old address, then resubscribe with your new address.

To contact me
For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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