Monday, October 31, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] November 1, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

What happens when a guy dresses up for Halloween as his dog's favorite chew toy? One minute of video that’s guaranteed to make you smile!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7op92W7voE 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Admit it: you keep some people in your contacts just so you know not to answer if they call!

I'm trying to finish the script for my porno movie but there are just too many holes in the plot. 

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Sunday, October 30, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] October 31, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Happy Halloween!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5601 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Answering the doorbell on Halloween, a woman found a darling little boy who said, "Twick or tweat." She said, "You're so cute! What are you?" He replied, "A piwate!" "A pirate? Where are your buccaneers?" He responded, "Under my buckin' hat!"

Halloween Rules: When you kill a monster, never check to see if it's dead: leave! Don't read aloud from books that summon demons. If that loud noise was just the cat, leave! Don't search the basement if the power is out. If your children start speaking in another person's voice, shoot them immediately; it's easier in the long run. If your appliances start operating themselves, leave! When you have the benefit of numbers, never go it alone. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. If a town looks deserted, there's probably a good reason, so leave! Never take anything from the dead. Don't mess with recombinant DNA even if you know what you're doing. If you run out of gas late at night on a lonely road, do not go to that nearby, deserted house. If your home is built upon an old cemetery or Indian burial site, leave! 

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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, October 27, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] October 28, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

The Hubble space telescope is now over a quarter-century old and is due to be eclipsed soon by the Webb telescope, due to launch in 2018. Here are some interesting things you may not have known about Hubble, our original eye in space.
http://bit.ly/2eb2HfR 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Everyone uses italics to indicate emphasis. What I need is a way to indicate sarcasm!

Why did the skeleton skip the Halloween party? He had no body to go with! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, October 26, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] October 27, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CBS News announced that the old "Facebook will make everything public tomorrow" hoax is back again. It's false. Seriously. Facebook will not make everything public. (And what the heck is a "Rome Statute" anyway? <grin>)

http://cbsn.ws/2dxu8lY 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A small town cemetery had a big pecan tree just inside its fence. Two boys filled a bucket with nuts and sat down under it, out of sight, to divide their loot. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me...." Several nuts rolled down the hill to the fence. Little Johnny, passing by on his bicycle, heard the voices coming from inside the cemetery and slowed to investigate. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me...." Little Johnny was scared and started to ride off, but an old man hobbling along blocked him. "Oh, Mr. Roebling! You won't believe this! Satan and Jesus are in our cemetery divvying up souls!" Mr. Roebling was skeptical. "What? No way. This I've got to see!" They approached the fence and sure enough, they heard: "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me...." Roebling whispered, "Johnny, you're right. I want to see this!" They sneaked closer to the fence until they heard, "One for you and one for me! That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence!" Old man Roebling had the lead for two blocks before Little Johnny could get on his bicycle!

My delicious Poultry Pops didn't sell well until I changed the name from Cock Suckers. 

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I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, October 25, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] October 26, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Yesterday was the 70th anniversary of the first time human beings saw the Earth from space. And it was thanks to a Nazi rocket. Interested?
http://bit.ly/2faZcZo 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

At a job interview, I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little. My interviewer asked, "Are you nervous?" I said, "No. I always give 110%!"

Last month I joined the foot-high club: I had sex on top of a tombstone! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] October 25, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Remember Ken Jennings? He’s the Jeopardy winning-streak champion who had 74 straight victories back in 2004? Website FiveThirtyEight thinks his is a streak that may never be broken! Here's why:

http://53eig.ht/2eb6WIb 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

My wife said I didn't love her relatives. I told her, "That's not true. I love your mother-in-law and father-in-law much more than I love mine!"

"How much does a whale ejaculate?" "As much as 300 gallons of semen." "Thank you." "You're whalecum." 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, October 24, 2016

Pemberitahuan Lanjutan - Pesan Penting Mengenai Keamanan Akun Anda

Yahoo
 
Pengguna Yahoo yang kami hormati,
 
Kami ingin menindaklanjuti masalah keamanan yang telah kami umumkan pada bulan kemarin yang mungkin melibatkan informasi akun Yahoo Anda. Kami telah mengirimi Anda email tentang masalah ini sebelumnya. Anda dapat membaca isi email tersebut, yang menjelaskan masalah keamanan data, di https://yahoo.com/security-notice-content.

Kami perhatikan Anda belum mengubah kata sandi atau menggunakan Kunci Akun sejak kami mengirimkan email pertama kami tentang masalah ini kepada Anda. Kami sangat menyarankan Anda segera mengubah kata sandi Yahoo dan menggunakan cara alternatif untuk verifikasi akun, sebagaimana mestinya. Misalnya, harap pertimbangkan untuk menggunakan Kunci Akun Yahoo, yang merupakan alat otentikasi sederhana yang sekaligus membuat Anda tidak perlu menggunakan kata sandi.

Kami juga mendorong Anda untuk mengikuti rekomendasi keamanan ini:
  • Ubah kata sandi serta pertanyaan keamanan dan jawabannya untuk akun lain yang menggunakan informasi yang sama atau mirip dengan info akun Yahoo Anda.
  • Tinjau akun Anda apakah ada aktivitas mencurigakan.
  • Waspadalah dengan setiap komunikasi yang tidak diminta yang meminta informasi pribadi Anda atau mengarahkan Anda ke halaman web yang meminta informasi pribadi.
  • Jangan klik tautan atau mengunduh lampiran dari email yang mencurigakan.

Untuk informasi lebih lanjut tentang masalah ini dan sumber daya keamanan kami, harap kunjungi halaman FAQ Masalah Keamanan Yahoo yang ada di https://yahoo.com/security-update.

Melindungi informasi Anda itu sangat penting bagi kami dan kami senantiasa berusaha untuk memperkuat pertahanan kami terhadap ancaman yang menyasar industri kami.

Salam hormat,
Bob Lord
Direktur Keamanan Informasi
Yahoo
Yahoo
 
Can't see images? View as a webpage
 
Kebijakan Privasi    |   Web Beacons pada Email

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[cyberjoke3000] October 24, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Congratulations to all the Chicago Cubs fans! Now take a break from screaming and enjoy some sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5591 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I had a salad for dinner last night, mostly croutons and tomatoes. Well, actually it was one big round crouton covered with tomato. Sauce. And cheese. Fine! It was a pizza. I ate a whole pizza last night!

"How much exercise do you get per week?" "Does sex count?" "Yes." "None." 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, October 21, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] October 21, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Sure, you've got a private jet at your disposal. But how do the really rich fly? No puny little Gulfstreams for them!
http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/09/aviation/flying-palaces-vip-airliners

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Has your husband lived up to all the things he said before you were married?" "Ha! Truth is, he's only lived up to one of them." "Which one?" "When he said, 'I'm not good enough for you'!"

Her vagina is like a New Yorker cartoon: dry and kind of funny. 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, October 19, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] October 20, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

This over-the-shoulder video of top Formula One driver Nico Rosberg shows exactly what his feet and hands are doing -- and it's a lot more than just steering! Meanwhile, watch how incredibly close he comes to the wall on every turn!
https://vimeo.com/183872530 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A man went to synagogue on Yom Kippur to talk to his doctor about his sick child. The usher asked, "Do you have a ticket?" "No, I don't. I just need to speak to Dr. Schwartz." "Sorry. I can't let you in without a ticket." "But you don't understand -- my son is sick and may need to go to the hospital. It's a matter of life and death!" The usher grudgingly relented. "Well, okay then, but don't let me catch you praying!"

Kids grow up so early now. Today, in a doctor's waiting room, a little girl had her Barbie and Ken doll in the doggy position. I told her, "If you keep doing that, you'll end up with a little baby doll." She replied, "I doubt that. He's doing her up the ass!" 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] October 19, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Golf balls are tough. How tough? How about 8-ton steam roller tough?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGHcOd1kozc

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A man flying business class from New York to London was biting his fingernails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant asked, "Sir, would a drink calm you down?" He nodded. She gave him his drink and he downed it in one quick gulp. And stopped shaking! The next time she passed, he was shaking again. She brought him another drink and he downed that one immediately. The next time she noticed him, he was shaking uncontrollably and crying. The flight attendant said, "Sir, I've never seen anyone as afraid of flying as you." He replied, "I'm not afraid of flying, I'm trying to quit drinking!"

A young peasant girl of thirteen went to work in a sweatshop that made brooms. After a few months, she gave the boss her two-week notice. The boss was surprised; she was a hard worker. "Why do you want to quit?" "I just do." "How about if I give you a raise?" "No." "But you must have a reason. Tell me." "Okay, if you simply must know..." said the girl as she removed her underwear and pointed to her pubic hair. "I didn't have this before I worked here and now I do. It must be the broom bristles." Smiling at her innocence, he dropped his pants and showed his pubic hair, saying, "See? It's nature. I have it too." The young girl cried, "Oh, no! Not only are you growing bristles, but you've also grown a handle!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, October 17, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] October 18, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Remember last year when a guy supposedly flew a jetpack around the Statue of Liberty? It was suspected of being fake, but now he's back and ready to make sales. JetPack Aviation present the JB10: 5 minutes of airtime. Price TBA.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9B7WdlRafc 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

If you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Moshe went to the home of his friend Morrie to pay a condolence after Morrie lost his wife. No one answered his knock, but the door was unlocked, so he went in to see if Morrie was okay. There was Morrie, screwing the maid on the living room sofa. "Morrie! Your wife died only yesterday!!" Morrie looked up out of breath and said, "With all this grief, do you think I know what I'm doing?"

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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To join, send a blank email here.
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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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