Monday, June 30, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] July 1, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Yes, these videos are tampon commercials but this one is also a moving statement about how our society looks at gender. Watch it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjJQBjWYDTs
And here's how to teach your daughter not to lie (about starting):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEcZmT0fiNM

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Why are you sitting out here, Scott?" "Oh, Maria threw me out of the house." "What happened? Argument?" "Sort of. She asked me if I'd still love her when she was old and fat and ugly." "That's easy; every man knows: you always answer, 'sure'." "Yeah, I know. But what came out was, 'Of course, I do'."

 

Why did the pervert cross the road? His d¡ck was stuck in a chicken. 

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[cyberjoke3000] June 30, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Today’s final session of the Supreme Court for this season may be a little late while the justices enjoy a few more sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4381 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Jeff, did you lose your job?" Jeff replied, "Nah. I left because of illness and fatigue." "I didn't know you were sick." "I wasn't. My boss was sick and tired of me!"

 

Things That Sound Dirty But In Law Are Not: "Have you looked through her briefs?" "He's one hard judge." "Counselor, let's do it in chambers." "Her attorney withdrew at the last minute." "Is it a penal offense?" "Better leave the handcuffs on." "For $1,000 an hour, she'd better be good!" "Can you get him to drop his suit?" "The judge gave her the stiffest one he could." "Think you can get me off?" 

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Friday, June 27, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] June 27, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

The Atlantic magazine now has a video service and, if the rest as good as this one, it's going to be quite popular! Here's a 4K time-lapse video of some truly beautiful New Zealand scenery.

http://bit.ly/1o0n5yW
And in case you haven't heard yet, hcre's info on 4K or Ultra Hight-Def video:
http://cnet.co/1o0nNMw 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Little Johnny, if you had ten dollars and I asked to borrow eight dollars, how many dollars would you have left?" Little Johnny answered quickly, "Ten." His teacher grimaced. "Ten? How did you come up with that?" "Easy. Just because you ask for eight bucks doesn't mean you're gonna get eight bucks!"

 

Two married couples went away for a weekend. After several drinks, the guys persuaded the wives to partner swap for the night. Jack knew it was his wife's time of the month and thought it hilarious that Bill did not know. The guys agreed that at breakfast the next morning, they'd tap their teaspoon on the side of their coffee cup as many times as they did it with the other's wife. At breakfast, Jack proudly tapped his teaspoon on his coffee cup three times. Bill thought a moment, tapped once on the strawberry jam ...and twice on the peanut butter!

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Wednesday, June 25, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] June 26, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Robin Spark sends along a cool new way to look at the news: News Map, which shows the most important stories around the world, selectable by category and country

http://newsmap.jp 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Cop: "I've got to lock you up for the night." Drunk: "What's the charge, officer?" Cop: "Oh, there's no charge. It's all part of the service!"

 

A newlywed couple hit on a painless way to save money: every time they had sex, he'd put all his pocket change into a piggy bank behind their bed. One night, during an unusually athletic performance, he accidentally knocked their bank onto the floor and broke it. To his surprise, among all the coins, were lots of bills. He asked his wife, "What's up with the folding money?" His wife replied, "Well, dear, not everyone is as cheap as you!" 

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[cyberjoke3000] June 25, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Jed R. Feiman sends along this interesting video about twins and chewing gum. Does chewing gum really make you seem cooler?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sk7A56KVNBY 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker met for dinner at a London restaurant. The waiter said, "Excuse me, gentlemen, but we have a shortage of steak." The Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker said, "What's 'Excuse me'?"

 

A newspaper reporter was on assignment in West Virginia when he struck up a conversation with a hot young woman in the hotel bar. After a few drinks, they went up to his room. Once inside, he asked, "How old are you?" She smiled and said, "Thirteen." "Thirteen!? Good god, child! Put your clothes on and get out of here!" She looked perplexed. "What are you, superstitious?"

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Tuesday, June 24, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] June 24, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

In response to yesterday's Wyle E. Coyote joke, CyberJokester Jean Melvin sends along this humorous article that was published in The New Yorker magazine in 1990: "Wile E. Coyote v. Acme Company."

http://www.torinfo.com/justforlaughs/coyote_v_acme.html 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The country preacher was extolling the virtues of the deceased redneck. "He was an honest man, a loving husband, a kind father..." etc. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to her son, "Billy Bob, git up there and look in that coffin and make sure it's Pa!"

 

After a young woman gave birth, the nurse told her, "You just gave birth to a healthy baby girl, but she's black and you're not." The new mother replied, "I'm not surprised. You see, last year, when I was down on my luck, I took a job in a porno. The leading man was black." The nurse said, "Oh, I see. But your baby has blonde hair." "Well, there was a Swedish guy in the flick." "Oh. But your baby has slanted eyes." "Well, the pizza delivery guy in the film was Chinese." Just then, the baby cried. The mother sighed, "Thank God!" The nurse looked puzzled. The mother explained, "I was kinda worried she might bark!" 

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I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, June 23, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] June 23, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Now that the days are getting shorter again, you’ll need to spend more time in front of the computer. Start here:
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=4371

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy groceries?

 

Things Not To Say To Your New Girlfriend's Parents: "My parole officer thinks Sarah has a calming effect on me." "Did you hear about the aliens seen in town last week?" "Nice place you got here. That artwork looks expensive." "Can you believe those idiots at 7-11 won't cash my welfare check?" "We're going to keep our relationship quiet for a while; my wife is so vindictive." "Home pregnancy kits aren't that reliable." "Sarah is so beautiful that I gave up bisexuality." "Do homes this nice come with safes?" "Nothing beats the feeling of a negative HIV test!" "Mind if I pull my car into your garage? That cop car won't stay lost for long!" 

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I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, June 20, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] June 20, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Gary Orndorff sends along the website of the National Museum of the US Air Force in Ohio. You can take a virtual tour of the museum or, better still, climb into the cockpit (and more) of many of the aircraft on display, which you could never do on a real museum tour!

http://www.nationalmuseum.af.mil/virtualtour 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Things It Took Dave Barry Fifty Years To Learn: Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. In one word, reason why the human race has not, and never will, achieved its full potential: meetings. There's a fine line between hobby and mental illness. People who want to share their religious views never want to hear yours. Don't confuse your career with your life. Nobody cares if you can't dance well, just get up and dance. Never lick a steak knife. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. No one can give you a clear, compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. Never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. There is a time when you should stop expecting others to make a big deal about your birthday: age eleven. Everyone thinks they are an above-average driver. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person. Your friends love you anyway.

 

It was the first day of school. "What do your parents do for a living?" The first little girl answered, "My father is a doctor." The second girl said, "My mother is an engineer." When it was finally Little Johnny's turn, he said, "My mom's a whore." Naturally, he was sent to the principal's office. Fifteen minutes later, he returned. His teacher asked, "Did you tell the principal what you said?" Little Johnny said, "Yep." "So? What happened?" "He said that in an economy like this every job is important and what's my phone number?!" 

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I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Wednesday, June 18, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] June 19, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

The Onion was one of the very first websites I visited on the Internet, way back around 1996. Now they've done it again. Their new site, Clickhole, is a hilarious spoof on today's Net, just as The Onion spoofs traditional journalism.

http://www.clickhole.com 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were on the stairway to heaven. God told them, "There are 3,000 steps. I'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step. If you laugh, you go to hell." They started climbing. On step 1,000, God told a joke. The brunette laughed and immediately went straight to hell. On step 2,000, God told a second joke. The redhead laughed and went to hell. On step 3,000, God told the last joke, but the blonde still didn't laugh. But standing at the Pearly Gates, she burst out laughing. God asked, "What's funny?" She replied, "I just got that first joke!"

 

The college senior took out a notoriously loose co-ed. As soon as he parked his car, she was all over him. After some serious petting, his hand entered her panties. She seemed to enjoy it, until she cried, "Ouch! Your ring hurts!" He replied, "I don't wear a ring. That's my watch!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] June 18, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester (and brand-new grandmother) Terri Adishian sends along a spectacularly viral video made by Richard Dunn who, forced to spend a night in the Las Vegas airport, used his time to make this great music video with nothing more than his phone, a wheelchair, and some baggage tape!

http://ind.pn/1jq5fAi 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why are you in a movie, but you're on TV?

 

Three women were comparing their nicknames for their boyfriends. The first girl said, "I call my man '7-Up,' because he's seven inches long and is always up!" The second girl said, "I call my man 'Mountain Dew' because he enjoys Mountin' me to Do me!" The third girl said, "I call my man 'Jack Daniels'." The other two looked puzzled. "Why do you call him that? Jack Daniels is a hard liquor." She smiled. "Exactly!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Tuesday, June 17, 2014

[cyberjoke3000] June 17, 2014



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Stephen Howe found Leisure Suit Larry: Reloaded on Gog.com for only $10! Highly recommended! But then, I’m biased.

http://www.gog.com/game/leisure_suit_larry_reloaded

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

How is it that we put a man on the moon before we put wheels on luggage?

 

Important Men in a Woman's Life: The doctor who says to take off all your clothes. The dentist who says to open wide. The milkman who asks if you want it in the front or the back? The hairdresser who asks if you want it teased or blown? The interior designer who assures you that once it's inside, you'll love it! The banker who insists that if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest! The hunter who goes deep in the bush, tells you to keep quiet and lie still, shoots twice, and eats what he shoots! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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