Joke For All: May 2011

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] June 1, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Everyone who's played with classic Hot Wheels 360° loop has wondered what it would be like to do that in a real car. "Fifth Gear" found out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiZoVAZGgsw

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

How do old people know which day of the week it is? By their pill case.

Two old men were chatting on a Miami park bench. "Yesterday, I met this lady, ten years younger than me. We walked, we talked, we went to the beach, and we ended up back at my apartment. She sat down on the bed and I sang Some Enchanted Evening to her." "And then?" "Then what? Nothing. She went home." "Did you get her phone number? Maybe I could call her?" "Yeah, sure." A few days later they met again. "So? Did you call her?" "Sure did." "What happened?" "We walked, we talked, we went to the beach, and we ended up back at my apartment. She sat down on the bed, but I don't know the words to Some Enchanted Evening, so I f*¢ked her!"

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Monday, May 30, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 31, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

As a musician, I found this short video account by a WW2 D-Day veteran quite compelling. I hope you do, too. In honor of Memorial Day, here's Taming a Nazi Sniper With a Trumpet"
http://bit.ly/k1GQQC

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

An Arab walked into a Jewish delicatessen and asked the price of a corned beef sandwich. The owner, not exactly thrilled with Arabs, said, "Twenty dollars." "Great. I'll take four." He returned the next day and ordered four pastrami sandwiches. "That'll be two hundred dollars." The Arab gladly paid the full amount. The third day, the Arab saw a sign on the delicatessen door: "No Jews allowed!"

How can you tell a Hollywood virgin? She has out-of-state plates!

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Sunday, May 29, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 30, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Memorial Day Weekend: the start of summer ...but not the end of Sight Gags!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2871

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

How does a Frenchman move a piano? He cries and reads it sad poetry!

"How can I get Benny to marry me, Momma?" "Maybe you can scare him into it," her mother suggested. "The next time you make love, ask him what he wants to name the baby." And the next time he climaxed, she asked sweetly, "What shall we name the baby, dear?" He looked at her, removed his condom, threw it out the window, and said, "If he can get out of that, we should name him Houdini!"

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Thursday, May 26, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 27, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Bob Barrett reminded me of Wimp.com. While I've sent you to see videos there many times, I don't think I've ever recommended the site directly. So here goes: go see it; you'll waste a lot of time. In a good way!
http://www.wimp.com

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A busload of Japanese tourists was held up by bandits, who got away with thousands of dollars. Nobody caught him, but they've got a hundred photographs of him!

After the midget married the tall lady, all the circus folks asked him, "How's the sex?" The midget replied, "It's great... but there's no one to talk to!"

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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 26, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Bobak Khomaan asks, "How close can you build your market to a train track?" Here's the answer. You have to see this to believe it!
http://www.wimp.com/vegetablemarket

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

What do you call an investment banker with no arms and no legs? Rich.

The celebrity divorce trial promised to be sensational. But after days of stuffy testimony, the trial was turning into a dud. Finally, the cross-examination began with a jolt: "Is it not true, madam, that on the night of July eleventh, during a thunderstorm, you had sexual intercourse with a certain circus midget while on the handlebars of a motorcycle being driven up and down the steps of the county courthouse?" The wife blanched, but maintained her composure. In a controlled voice, she asked, "What was that date again?"

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[cyberjoke3000] May 25, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Greg Andersson sends along the largest interior photograph in the world, a 40 gigapixel image made from 3,000 photos of the Strahov Library in Prague. The level of detail is incredible!
http://www.360cities.net/gigapixel/strahov-library.html

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A woman called the local paper to place her husband's obituary notice after she caught him cheating on her with his secretary. The editor asked, "And how long has your husband been dead?" She answered, "He starts tomorrow!"

A policeman in the park discovered a drunk trying to make love to a statue. "What were you thinking?" the disgusted cop asked him. The drunk replied, "I dunno; I figured she was Jewish!"

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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I NEED YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE

I NEED YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE
Reply me through this email maswelldagani@sify.com

Dear Friend,

How Are You? I Know That This Mail May Come To You Almost A Surprise As We Never Met Before And Please Before You Proceed Reading This mail,This Is True and not An Joke, Well I Saw Your Contact Email From Burkina Faso Chambers Of Commerce, After Much Consideration I Decided To Write You Since I Cannot Be Able To See You Face To Face For Now, At First I Strongly Believed That Any Information Received From The Chambers Of Commerce Office Is Correct And Must Be Trusted. But Never Mind, I Am From (Burkina Faso West Africa) Mr.Maswell Dagani By Name, An Auditing Debt Manager In Our Bank Here (Bank Of Africa).

I Have An Opportunity To The Sum Of Ten Millions, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (US$10.500, 000.00), To Transfer Into Your Nominated Bank Account (The Owner Of The Money) Is An. IRAQ. Who Died A Long With His Entire Family During The Iraq War, Upon Your Reply And Interest To Receive This Fund On My Behalf, I Will Kindly Send You More Details On The Execution Of This Transaction Will Commence, Now I Urge You To Take This Message Seriously And With An Open Mind.So Please Give It A Benefit Of Doubt,And With Good Faith And Trust Join Me And I am Assuring You Now That You Will Never Be Disappointed.Now My Questions Are:Can You Handle This Project With Me? Can I Give You This Trust? Respond Back To Me Or Delete It Off If You Are Not Interested.

You May View The Website:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/meast/10/11/iraq.deaths/

If You Accept This Offer To Work With Me, And You Find This Proposal Suitable For You Do Furnish Me With The Following Information.

Your Full Name...................
Your Country................
Your Private Telephone...............
Your Age and Sex....................
Your Occupation...............

I Will Appreciate It Very Much, If This Proposal Is Acceptable By You, Do Not Make Undue Advantage Of The Trust I Have Bestowed On You, And I Assure You We Can Achieve It Successfully.

Reply me through this email maswelldagani@sify.com

This Is My Private Phone Number 00226 74 71 07 53.You Can Call Me For More Explanation.

Respectfully
Mr.Maswell Dagani,
An Auditing Debt Manager Of Bank Of Africa.

Monday, May 23, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 24, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Google's new Art Project uses their same Street View technology that you know from Google Maps and applies it to 17 great museums. Here's a quick introduction video which explains it better than I can here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GThNZH5Q1yY
And here's the Art Project itself:
http://www.GoogleArtProject.com

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

One guy to another guy at the bar: "That girl I took out last night was such a dog, if you turned her loose in a roomful of quails, she'd point!"

Ivan was finally allowed to see his wife after two long years in the salt mines. "Oh, darling. How I've suffered without you. Nothing to do all day but dig salt, salt, salt. And every minute with only one thing on my mind." His wife snuggled closer, smiled, and asked, "And what was that, my love?" Ivan answered, "Pepper!"

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I NEED YOUR URGENT COOPERATION.

Dear Friend,

Its just my urgent need for foreign partner that made me contact you for this transaction. I am a banker by profession from Burkina Faso in West Africa and currently holding the post of Manager, Bill and Exchange Department of the bank. I have the opportunity of transferring the left over funds ($15million) belonging to one of my bank's clients who died along with his entire family on 31 July 2003 in a plane crash. Contact me if you are interested.

Ahmed Muazu.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 23, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Just think of all the free time Reverend Camping has today to browse through Sight Gags!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2861

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Schmidt, a German ace downed in WW2, was being held prisoner at a British flying field while his extensive injuries were treated. The Brit who shot him down paid him a visit. "Bronson, they're going to amputate my left leg tomorrow. Would you show some kindness to a fellow airman and throw my leg out on your next bombing run over Germany?" Bronson, cognizant of the kinship among pilots, agreed and did so. A few days later, Schmidt summoned Bronson back to the medical tent. "Bronson, they're going to amputate my right leg tomorrow. Would you throw it out on your next sortie?" Bronson agreed again. A few more days passed and again Schmidt summoned Bronson. "Bronson, it looks like they're going to take my right arm." But before he could continue, Bronson interjected, suspiciously. "Are you sure you're not just trying to escape?"

The hooker took her john back behind the bar, unzipped his fly, and removed his member. It was huge! "Oh, no," she moaned, "I'll never be able to get that inside me." He replied, "Well, that's no reason to drop it in the mud!"

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Thursday, May 19, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 20, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

It's no longer enough to just give a girl a ring when you propose. Watch this:
http://www.wimp.com/movieproposal/

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I think I'm all ready for Saturday's big rapture. I bought a dozen life-size blow-up dolls and a big tank of helium. That oughta freak out the neighborhood!

Mr. Goldfarb was collecting for Israel. "But why do you have two bags, Goldfarb?" he was asked. "I got a system. It's fantastic. I hang out in a men's room and, when a guy is using the urinal, I say, 'Give for Israel or I'll cut it off!' And it works. I've got over fifty thousand dollars in this bag." "But what's in the other bag?" "Not everyone gives!"

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[cyberjoke3000] May 19, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Petrucio sends along this excellent web page showing the relative sizes of objects in our solar system.
http://lpb.fieldofscience.com/2009/11/solar-systemto-scale.html

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Everyone knows the story of the midnight ride of Paul Revere, but few know what happened the previous night. Paul had recently learned the identity of a British spy. While dining at an Italian restaurant, he saw the spy's girlfriend. He quickly told his waiter, "Hold the spumoni! I'm going to follow the chick an' catch a Tory!"

The world was destroyed in a nuclear holocaust causing six billion souls to show up at the Pearly Gates all at once. Saint Peter was overwhelmed. Suddenly, from the front of the line, came a huge cheer and applause! A guy in the rear of the line leaned forward and asked, "What's everybody cheering about up there?" The other man replied, "They're not counting adultery!"

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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 18, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Think you're a geek? Here's how to know for sure. Read "10 Geek Sins That Will Revoke Your Geek Card."
http://blogs.techrepublic.com.com/hiner/?p=5647

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Do you know the difference between 'finished' and 'complete'? Marry the right person and you're complete; marry the wrong person and you're finished!

A new bride, fresh from her wedding night, asked her doctor for advice. "What do you call that long thing between my husband's legs?" The doctor replied, "That's his sex organ. It's call a pen¡s." "And what's that pinkish knob on the end of it?" "That's called the glans." "And what are those two round things about twelve inches from the glans?" The doctor paused a moment, then replied, "I don't know about him, but on me that'd be the cheeks of my a$$!"

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Monday, May 16, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 17, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Doug Perry sends along this website with lots of documentary videos, free for the watching:
http://www.documentarywire.com

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Native tribesmen who beat drums to ward off evil spirits are scorned by the same Americans who honk their horns to break up traffic jams.

"Psst! Louie! Ya wanna buy a ticket for the warden's ball?" "What? Nah. I don't dance." "It ain't a dance; it's a raffle!"

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Send your comments and feedback here.

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Sunday, May 15, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 16, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Even the head of the International Monetary Fund loves sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2851

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two men lost a long-time drinking buddy to alcoholism. At his funeral, as they stood before the open casket, one said to the other, "Gee, Sam sure looks good, doesn't he?" His friend replied, "He ought to; he hasn't had a drink in a week!"

A man asked the madam for a woman with syphilis. "I'm sorry, but all of our girls are clean. You'll have to go elsewhere for that." As he started to leave, one woman stopped him and whispered, "Hey, mister. I have syphilis." He smiled and they went upstairs. When they were finished, she said, "I fooled you, mister. I don't really have syphilis." Pulling up his pants, he said, "You do now!"

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Send your comments and feedback here.

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Thursday, May 12, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 13, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Keith Thompson sends along a promo for the Marvel film "Thor" called "Little Thor," that is a parody of a VW commercial starring Tiny Darth Vader, "The Force." Don't worry; you don't have to follow the logic--just enjoy the links. First, the original:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R55e-uHQna0
Then, the parody:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPNjWWQqWCA

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"How dry is it?" It's so dry, I saw a tree and a fire hydrant fighting over a dog!

Rob mentioned to the stranger beside him at the bar that he was soon going to get married. "Who's the lucky lady?" Rob replied, "Helen. She's a waitress at that café on the corner." "Helen? I know her. Got a rose tattoo on her inner thigh?" "Why, yes, she does." "Blond, but the carpet doesn't match the drapes?" "Yeah." "Loves kinky sex?" "Sure does. Hey, bartender! Give this guy a drink. He knows my fiancée!"

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Send your comments and feedback here.

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Wednesday, May 11, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 12, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Cady Coleman, musician and astronaut, performed the first space-Earth musical duet with Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull, in celebration of 50 years of human space flight.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeC4nqBB5BM

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A drunk staggered into a bar shouting, "Happy New Year!" A guy sitting by the door said, "You idiot! It's the middle of August." The bewildered drunk slurred, "Ohmygawd, my wife's gonna kill me. I've never been this late before!"

"Joe, does your pen¡s burn after sex?" "I dunno. I never tried lighting it!"

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Send your comments and feedback here.

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[cyberjoke3000] May 11, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Wallace Krebs (and others) sends along this wonderfully drool video entitled "Ultimate Dog Tease." Most pet vids leave me shaking my head, but this one... well, this literally made me laugh out loud! And, in only a week, it's had 14 million views!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

An ex- is like an inflamed appendix: once it caused you pain, but after it's gone, you realize you don't need it anyway!

Will had such terrible rectal pain that he asked a friend for help. His friend suggested that tea was medically helpful in such circumstances, so Will inserted a tea bag. Not surprisingly, it did no good. Finally, Will headed for the emergency room where the E. R. doctor, an intern from China, studied the problem area and pronounced, "I do not know your problem, but soon you will take on a long voyage!"

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

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Monday, May 9, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 10, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

What happens when a busload of cultural ambassadors goes from Peru to Peru -- Peru, Nebraska, that is? Watch this heart-warming video to find out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggRAk0Ysozo

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why does the name of every continent begin and end with the same letter?

A black man rushed into a public toilet, whipped out his giant member, started to urinate, and said, "Whew! I just made it." A short man at the next urinal looked over and asked, "Can you make me one in white?"

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

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[cyberjoke3000] May 9, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

People with mothers love sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2841

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A good, clean-living atheist died and went to heaven. Saint Peter met him at the Pearly Gates. "You can't come in," he said. "You're an atheist. But you'll like Hell. You'll be with your friends." The atheist went to Hell and found beautiful green fields with people picnicking and having a wonderful time. A man in a white suit introduced himself. "Hi. I'm Satan. Welcome to Hell." "Wow," said the atheist, "this is nice! But I thought..." Suddenly, a screaming man fell from the sky, the ground opened up to reveal fire and brimstone which swallowed the falling man and then closed. Suddenly, everything was normal again. "What in the, uh, um, heck was that?" the atheist asked. Satan replied, "Oh, that? He's a Christian; they wouldn't have Hell any other way!"

What's a Jewish ten? A five who swallows!

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Joke For All

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] June 1, 2011

Monday, May 30, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 31, 2011

Sunday, May 29, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 30, 2011

Thursday, May 26, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 27, 2011

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 26, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 25, 2011

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I NEED YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE

Monday, May 23, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 24, 2011

I NEED YOUR URGENT COOPERATION.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 23, 2011

Thursday, May 19, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 20, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] May 19, 2011

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

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