[cyberjoke3000] May 1, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Wallace Krebs sends along this short video showing the entire world's air traffic during one 24-hour period. Remember: each of those dots contains hundreds of passengers. That's a lot of flying!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1US_4uf4YE 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

When a waitress brings the food, old men look at the food while young men look at the waitress.

 

What Sex and Parking Spaces Have In Common: You should never have to wait to get one. Spaces in the front are the best. You should be able to slide right in. When there are no spaces in front, spaces in the rear are also fine. You get jealous when you see someone double-parked. You'll wait for a good one. Short time limits are annoying. Your space should be open and waiting when you arrive. A house isn't a home without a parking space. Everyone is looking for free space with unlimited time! 

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[cyberjoke3000] April 30, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

PCmag.com ran the fun article featuring “Tech Sounds We Rarely Hear Nor Miss.” This will surely take you back to the '80s!
http://bit.ly/ZhV6w0 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Marge's house, and Grandpa Stanley got out. The policeman politely explained, "Ma'am, I found this gentleman wandering around the neighborhood park. He said he was lost and couldn't find his way home." "Oh, Stanley," said Marge. "We've gone to that park for thirty years! How could you be lost?" Leaning close to his wife, Stanley whispered, "I wasn't lost. I was just too tired to walk home!"

 

Life is like a pen¡s: simple, relaxed and free hanging. It's women who make it hard! 

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[cyberjoke3000] April 29, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Zadir sends along the world's greatest bartender, Alexander Shtifanov from Ukraine. This guy has some serious skills!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60GJ0dJ1xmE

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I'm reading a book about the recession. It starts with Chapter 11.

 

Years ago, an old maid was desperate for a man. She went to the local newspaper and asked about a "Lonely Hearts" ad. The handsome young clerk said, "Madam, we charge a minimum of $5 per insertion." She excitedly replied, "Really? Here's a twenty. You can skip the ad!" 

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Yahoo! Mail dalam proses upgrade: Artinya bagi Anda.

PENGUMUMAN LAYANAN

Yth. Novan Sell, Terima kasih atas kesetiaan Anda sebagai pengguna Yahoo! Mail! Dengan senang hati kami persembahkan Yahoo! Mail baru. Mulai dari minggu pertama Juni, Anda akan diminta beralih ke Yahoo! Mail baru. Peralihan tersebut akan berjalan lancar dan cepat--semua yang ada di akun Yahoo! Mail (email, kontak, folder, dan lampiran) akan dipindahkan semuanya. Tidak ingin menunggu? Anda sekarang bisa memiliki Yahoo! Mail baru. Beralih sekarang Yang akan Anda dapatkan jika beralih Email yang lebih cepat Desain yang lebih mudah digunakan dan bersih Juga tersedia di semua perangkat seluler utama: iOS, Android, dan Windows 8 Pelajari lebih lanjut tentang Yahoo! Mail baru Alternatif Lainnya Jika Anda belum siap beralih sekarang, tidak apa-apa, tetapi kami anjurkan Anda segera beralih. Anda dapat mengakses Yahoo! Mail versi saat ini paling tidak 30 hari sejak tanggal email ini. Setelah itu, Yahoo! Mail versi saat ini tidak akan tersedia lagi. Pada hari Anda beralih, Anda akan diminta menyetujui Ketentuan Layanan Komunikasi dan Kebijakan Privasi baru, atau pelajari Bantuan Yahoo! Mail untuk opsi lainnya. Selamat datang di Yahoo! Mail versi baru. David McDowell Direktur Senior Manajemen Produk Yahoo! Mail

Kebijakan Privasi Yahoo!  |  Kebijakan Privasi Yahoo!  | Web Beacon dalam Email Dimohon untuk tidak mengirimkan email balasan. Email ini merupakan layanan kami bagi Anda pengguna Yahoo! Mail. Yahoo! berlokasi di 701 First Avenue, Sunnyvale, CA 94089.

[cyberjoke3000] April 25, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Have you heard about Eventstagr.am? (Yes, that's the spelling. Get it? Like Instagram for events.) If you're hosting an event, set up a laptop with Internet connection, a video projector and a screen. Tell your guests to add a unique hashtag to their Instagram photos and the projector will show everyone's pictures immediately! More details at:
http://eventstagr.am
Depending on your guests, you may want to pay for the moderated version so you can limit what's shown.

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Where do Jewish men hide money from their wives? Under the vacuum cleaner!

 

One snowy night, a rich man saw a poor young girl wandering the streets. He asked, "Would you like to get out of this blizzard?" She took him up on his offer and he took her home with him. On the way, he told her, "You can sleep in any open room in our west wing, but stay out of the east wing. That's where my son room is and I don't want you near him." She agreed. That night, he gave them an hour, and then entered the son's room. Sure enough, there they were, engaged in some rather active sex. He was furious! "Look, I won't throw you out in weather like this, but I warn you: stay in your room and away from my son." He waited an hour or more until his son was asleep, then returned to the boy's room and sprinkled green glitter on his son's crotch. The next morning, he rushed into her room and demanded she pull down her pants. She did so willingly, but he found nothing. No glitter. He apologized and she thanked him for his hospitality and left the house with her green tongue. 

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[cyberjoke3000] April 24, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Need to edit a PDF file but you don't want to pay for expensive Adobe software? Try UniPDF, a free download. It even has a batch mode to convert many files at once.
http://unipdf.com 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Tim and his long-time girlfriend decided to tie the knot. Shortly after their honeymoon, she told him, "Honey, I've been thinking: now that we're married, you should give up golf. If you sold your clubs and that golf cart, we could get new furniture." Tim's face didn't change even a little, he calmly said, "You sound like my ex-wife." "Ex-wife!" she cried, "You never told me you were married before!" Tim said, "I wasn't."

 

What do you call a Scotsman with a thousand girlfriends? A shepherd! 

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[cyberjoke3000] April 23, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Wallace Krebs sends along "The Mystery of the Prince Rupert's Drop," showing exploding glass at 130,000 frames per second -- oh, and how to make a Prince Rupert's Drop.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xe-f4gokRBs 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

As we drove past the local prison, my friend said, "Look! A midget is climbing down some bed sheets from that cell window." I replied, "That's a little con descending!"

 

I always worry when I'm in a hotel room. I can't be the first guy to sit on that furniture naked! 

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[cyberjoke3000] April 22, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

After the news of the past week, who isn’t ready for some sight gags?
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3821 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A young couple went to Las Vegas for their honeymoon but did badly in the casinos. The groom told his bride, "Maybe if I gamble alone tonight, I can turn our luck around." She agreed and headed to the spa. He put five dollars into a slot machine, hit the jackpot and walked away with $5,000. He then played blackjack and walked away with $25,000. Next, he played poker and upped his stake to $100,000. He was about to cash in his chips when he got a hunch. He took all of it over to the roulette table and placed it on black. It came up zero! He returned to their room. His bride asked, "So? How did you do?" He shrugged and said, "I lost five bucks."

 

My wife makes love like a chess player: every ten minutes, she moves. 

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[cyberjoke3000] April 19, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Steve Reeves reminds me that, if you want to capture one single window, you can put it into the Clipboard by pressing Alt-PrntScrn. Then you can paste it anywhere. Just don't press Shift-Alt-PrntScrn or you'll get an ugly, high-contrast image. And, of course, just plain PrntScrn captures your entire screen(s).

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The best thing about getting old is that, all those things you couldn't afford when you were young, you no longer want!

 

Sally the blonde missed several days of work. Her friend, Liz, asked, "Sally, where have you been?" "I was in the woods for days, trying to get a man." Liz looked puzzled. "You were looking for a man in the middle of the woods?" "Don't be silly. I went to the woods to get me something to get me a man. But I didn't find it." Liz said, "I'm confused. Exactly what were you looking for?" "Two large owls. You told me the best way to get a man is with a good pair of hooters!" 

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[cyberjoke3000] April 18, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Windows Snipping Tool lets you snip a part of your screen to save, email, edit, etc. It's like PrintScreen but you pick only what you want. Press the Win key, type "Snip" and it should appear. Press Enter to run it. Play with the options. It's easy! Read more here:
http://windows.tips.net/T012558_Using_the_Snipping_Tool.html 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Marriage is like a bathtub: once you get used to it, it ain't so hot.

 

Jim asked his neighbor, "How do you keep your car looking so nice?" The neighbor replied, "Oh, simple: my wife gives me her old panties and I use them to polish the car." Jim was a bachelor, so the next day he asked his secretary, "Miss Jones, what do you do with your panties when you wear them out?" She replied demurely, "Well, sir, that's a personal question but, if I can find them afterwards, I just put them back on again!" 

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[cyberjoke3000] April 17, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Ever need a sound effect for a presentation, film or just for fun? FreeSound is just that: free sounds of all kinds. While you do have to register, there are lots of great sound effects and you can hear them all before you download them. Did I mention it’s free?

http://freesound.org

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I don't believe in astrology. I’m a Sagittarius; we're very skeptical.

 

Jane ran into her ex-husband, who sarcastically asked her, "So, how does your new husband like sex with used goods?" Jane replied with a smile, "He likes it a lot -- once he gets past the used part!" 

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[cyberjoke3000] April 16, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Jeff Falduto sends along "Juke City," a webpage with a button for each year from 1940 to 1999. Press a button and you get a virtual jukebox with the top 20 songs of that year.
http://upchucky.org/JukeCity/1940/OldJukes/player.htm 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A man walked into a bar with his pet alligator. "Do you serve tax collectors?" he asked. The barman answered, "Sure, I guess so." "Great," said the man. "Give me a beer and give my alligator a tax collector!"

 

Nadine asked, "Jill, were your parents upset when you got divorced?" Jill replied, "Oh, you know how parents are. My mom said, 'So, is this how it's going to be: one man after another for the rest of your life?' " Nadine groaned. "Typical! What did you tell her?" Jill said "I told her, 'Geez, I hope so'!" 

---

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[cyberjoke3000] April 14, 2013

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Today you have to promise me that you’ll only look at 10 sight gags. It seems my new, beautiful website just doesn’t want to stop you from looking ahead! So start here, but after 10, please press the “Random” button!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3811 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

How do Jewish wives get their children ready for supper? "Hey, kids! Get in the car!"

 

Smith was both a professional football player and an avid hunter. The last day of deer season coincided with the last game of the season. He told his wife, "I've sat on the bench all season. Would you wear my uniform and take my place while I go deer hunting?" She agreed. But, with three minutes left in the game, the coach yelled, "Smith! You're in!" She couldn't say anything or her husband would lose his contract and be sued. "What could possibly happen in just three minutes?" she thought, running onto the field. But the next thing she knew, she had the ball and guys were piling on top of her. When she finally came to, she was in the locker room, still wearing her helmet, but naked from the waist down. The coach yelled, "Don't worry, Smith! They say as soon as we get your balls back down where they belong, your pecker will pop out!" 

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