[cyberjoke3000] December 1, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

You've probably noticed that I often use the website "bit.ly" to shorten long URLs. It's so easy. When you're at a page you want to share, just press Alt-d to go to the address bar, press the Home key once to move to the beginning of the address, type "bit.ly/" (without the quotes, of course), and press Enter. You'll go to bit.ly where your shortened link has already been created. Click the onscreen Copy button and it's in the clipboard so you can paste it wherever you want.

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who had discipline problems with her classes? She just couldn't keep her pupils straight!

It's all in your perspective: A woman told a friend, "I had sex last night. Did you?" Her friend replied, "Yes." "Was it good?" "No, it was a disaster. My husband came home, wolfed down his dinner, jumped on top of me, finished in four minutes, rolled over and fell asleep. How about yours?" "Oh, my night was amazing! When I got home, my husband took me out for a romantic dinner. Afterwards, we took an hour-long walk. When we got home, he lit candles all around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. Then we had an hour of fantastic sex, after which we talked for hours. It was like a fairytale!" Meanwhile, in another room, their husbands were also talking. "Did ya get any last night?" "Yep. When I got home, dinner was on the table. We ate, screwed, and fell asleep. It was perfect! How about you?" "Yeah, we did it, but it was horrible. The electric company shut off our power 'cause I didn't paid the bill so we had to go out to eat. She ordered a meal so expensive that I didn't have enough money left for cab fare home, so we had to walk for like an hour! And since the power was off, I had to light candles just to see. I was so pissed that I couldn't get it up and then I couldn't get off for another hour. When I finally did, I was so bummed that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife just wouldn't stop jabbering!"

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Re: tes emai

Tes balik ah
------Original Message------
From: Novan Sell
To: cahyono@indosat.blackberry.com
Subject: tes emai
Sent: Dec 1, 2010 09:29

[cyberjoke3000] November 30, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Remember last week when I told you how to program your TiVo to skip commericals in 30-second leaps? CyberJokester Bob Yetter tells me me that Comcast's Motorola HD DVRs can do the same thing:
http://bit.ly/gk4qj3
or
http://www.geekymac.com/?p=181

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A young Arab boy asked his father, "What is this weird hat we wear?" "It's a chechia, son. It protects our head from the sweltering heat the sun in the desert." "And what is this clothing we wear, father?" "The djbellah protects our body from the soaring heat of the desert!" "And what are these weird shoes?" "These are babouches, son. They keep us our feet from burning while crossing the hot desert sands." "But, papa..." "Yes, my son?" "You do realize there's no desert here in Detroit?"

A stark naked, drunken woman jumped into a vacant London taxi. The driver just stared at her and made no attempt to start the engine. "What's wrong, luv? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?" "I'm not staring at you, lady. That would not be proper." "Well, if you're not staring at me, what are you doing?" "Honestly, I am thinking to myself: where does this lady keep the money to pay me?"

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[cyberjoke3000] November 29, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Here it is CyberMonday and instead of shopping online, you're looking for more sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2611

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I spent some time working on my wife's grave today. She doesn't know; she thinks I'm digging a water feature!

What do you do with 365 used condoms? Melt them into a tire and call it a Goodyear!

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[cyberjoke3000] November 26, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Mark Bateman sends along this new world's record photograph: a 360°, 80-gigapixel monster showing all of London. Amazing detail!
http://www.360cities.net/london-photo-en.html

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Just look at this body," boasted the fit old man to the group of young people. "Every morning I do fifty push-ups and thirty sit-ups and walk two miles. I'm fit as a fiddle! And you know why? Because I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase women!" He smiled at them, eyes gleaming. "And tomorrow, I celebrate my 95th birthday!" "Oh, really?" said one sarcastic youngster. "How?"

A man walked into a bar with his dog and ordered two glasses of whiskey. Both he and his dog emptied their glasses. The barmaid was shocked. "That's cool. Can your dog do any other tricks?" "But, of course," the man answered, "He can gratify a woman." Interested in learning more, she led the man and his dog into the room behind the bar, undressed, and laid down on the floor. The dog looked her over, but that's all. Finally, he told the dog, "All right, one more time. I'll show you again how it's done!"

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[cyberjoke3000] November 25, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Happy Thanksgiving! (Or, if you don't live in the U.S., Happy Thursday!)

Own a TiVo? Not a "DVR," but a real TiVo? If so, here's a simple series of button clicks that will redefine a button on your remote to skip exactly one 30-second commerical. I've used this for years and love it!
http://www.weaknees.com/30/

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Momma, come to the hospital quick! Daddy's had a Cadillac arrest!" "Oh, no, son! His heart has stopped?" "No, Momma. He stole an Escalade and then resisted arrest!"

A man walked up to the woman sitting alone at the bar. "I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm concerned; I mean, we might hit it off, end up having some drinks, and the next thing you know you give me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it. I finally get up the nerve to call, we go to a movie, have dinner. I relax, you relax. We go out a few more times, meet each other's friends, spend time together, get past our sexual tension, and develop an intense, incredible sex life. We decide our relationship is solid, move in together, later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You want kids, but I want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I'm resentful. The sparks start to fade and, to rekindle them, we have two more kids. Then I have to work too much to pay the bills and have no time for you. You get stressed and stop taking care of yourself. Your low sex drive and my declining self-confidence cause me have an affair, merely for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar and you throw me out, justifiably so. Then we have to explain to the kids that mommy and daddy are splitting up and it's not their fault. That's so sad. Think about the kids. So... if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going!"

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[cyberjoke3000] November 24, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Eric Schneck sends along 10 toy ideas that probably won't make your children's Christmas list this year:
http://on.msnbc.com/hFaSSa

And, just in time for the big day of protest, here's a list of brand new slogans of the T.S.A.

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A man stopped at a backwoods country store and headed for the men's room. Above the malfunctioning urinal was a handwritten sign: "Please Wiggle Handel." Below it, some wag had written, "If I do, will it wiggle Bach?"

While relieving himself in the employee restroom, Carl could not help but notice Greg's unusually long penis at the adjoining urinal. "How come you black guys have such long d¡cks?" Greg replied, "Easy. Whenever I have sex, I push it in real slow and then pull it out real fast. That stretches it a little bit and every little bit helps." Carl swore that he'd try out this new technique on his wife. That night, while they made love, he pushed it in real slow and then pulled it out real fast. After they'd finished, Carl asked, "Well, dear, did you notice anything different about me?" "Yeah," said his wife. "When did you start screwing like a black man?!"

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[cyberjoke3000] November 23, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Neil Rubenking sends along this video in honor of tomorrow's protest. It explains the TSA's enhanced screening procedures. As horrifying as it is funny… and completely accurate.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXDLQPfqc04

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Marriage is like a deck of cards: at first, you only need two hearts and a diamond, but by the end, you sometimes wish you had a club and a spade!

For years, the young attorney took his brief vacations at a country inn. Last year, he'd finally managed to have sex with the innkeeper's daughter. This year he was looking forward to another exciting few days. But when he opened the door to his room, there she sat ...holding an infant! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant? I'd have rushed up here and married you so the baby would have my name!" Helen said, "Well, when my folks found out, we talked about but decided: we'd rather have a bastard in the family than a lawyer!"

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[cyberjoke3000] November 22, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Why wait for Thanksgiving? Enjoy a little feast on me right here:
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2601

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

If the world was logical, men would ride horses sidesaddle.

"I braked as hard as I could, but I still hit the car in front of me. A gorgeous blonde got out and yelled, 'Ram me up the a$$, why don't you?' And this, your honor, is where I believe all the confusion began."

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[cyberjoke3000] November 19, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Sure you've sent out some dumb messages, but I hope you've never sent texts like these!
http://www.textsfromlastnight.com

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A vocalist hired a pianist to accompany her at her audition for a nightclub gig. The owner heard a couple of songs and then asked, "Can you sing 'When Sunny Gets Blue?' It's my favorite song. If you can also sing that, you're hired." She whispered to her new pianist, "I don't know all of it." He reassured her, "I do. Start it and I'll prompt you." Reluctantly, she sang, "When Sunny gets blue..." and went blank. Her eyes pleaded with the pianist for help. He whispered confidently, "B-flat minor nine!"

Sarah Silverman said, "My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk afterwards. Can you imagine? Two dinners!"

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[cyberjoke3000] November 18, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

In honor of Thanksgiving leftovers, CyberJokester Terri Adishian sends along this recipe for "Thanksgiving Turkey Cake." Let me know if you try this one; it could be delicious.
http://www.chow.com/recipes/29029-thanksgiving-turkey-cake

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I always tried to pick up women with tattoos. My logic is: Here's a woman capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future!"

"Class, from now on, I'll ask you a question every Friday. Whoever answers it correctly can skip school the following Monday," said the teacher. "Now, here's your first question: How many grains of sand are on the beach?" Of course, no one could answer. The next Friday's question was just as bad: "How many stars are in the sky?" Again, no answer. A frustrated Little Johnny had an idea. Thursday evening he painted two ping-pong balls black. On Friday, he took them to school. When the teacher said, "Here's this week's question…", Little Johnny tossed his ping-pong balls to the front of the room. As the class erupted in laughter, the teacher yelled, "All right, who's the comedian with the black balls?" Little Johnny stood up and yelled, "Bill Cosby! See ya Tuesday, Teach!"

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[cyberjoke3000] November 17, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

AutoSaver saves your files after any interval of time that you like. And it works on any program that uses Ctrl-S to save:
http://bit.ly/cTAl3E

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Did you hear about the slow-talking Southern girl? By the time she got around to telling her date that she wasn't "that kind of girl" ...she was!

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[cyberjoke3000] November 16, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

"Last Freeware Version" has the last-available freeware/shareware versions of 206 popular software titles that later went commercial. Most are utilities. Who pays for software these days, anyway?
http://www.321download.com/LastFreeware
http://www.oldversion.com
http://www.oldapps.com
http://www.versiondownload.com
http://old-versions.net

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A flying saucer, low on fuel, landed at a gas station far out in the desert. On its side were the letters "U.F.O." The gas station attendant was stunned, but just had to ask, "Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" "No, dummy," said one of the aliens. "It means 'Unleaded Fuel Only!' "

Definition of a Tiger: A 600-pound pussy that'll eat you!

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[cyberjoke3000] November 15, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! It's Monday!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2591

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The contortionist knew it was time to find a new line of work when he could no longer make ends meet!

Phillip and Phoebe were parked in Lover's Lane. As he embraced her with one hand, he explored between her legs with the other. Looking over her shoulder, he spied a police car approaching. "Oh, sh¡t. It's the fuzz!" he said. Phoebe replied, "What did ya expect? A perm?"

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[cyberjoke3000] November 12, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

The Khan Academy wants to provide a world-class education to anyone, anywhere ...for free! Thousands of their YouTube videos teach hundreds of lessons in dozens of topics. Check it out at
http://www.khanacademy.org
And you can read what Bill Gates thinks of it here:
http://bit.ly/cweFb3

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A man asked his wife, "Honey, would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" His wife replied, "Dear, I'd have married you, no matter who left you a fortune!"

Paramedics were working a terrible accident involving a sports car. The driver was screaming in pain. "Sir! Please calm down. At least you weren't flung thru the windshield like your girlfriend." The driver screamed back, "Have you seen what's in her mouth?

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[cyberjoke3000] November 11, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Since today is Veteran's Day, why not take a few moments to remember those who sacrificed so that all of us could enjoy our freedom. Here's a marvelous video called "I Fought For You."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTb6qdPu8JE

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Definition of a gimme: An agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well.

Did you hear about the really ugly gay guy? He had to date women!

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[cyberjoke3000] November 10, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Eric Scheck sends along this guide to free software: 101 Free Alternatives to Commonly Used Paid Software. Check it out. Maybe you don't need yet another paid upgrade!
http://bit.ly/cXYwfU

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A newly married couple had a tiff. The wife called her mother and said, "Oh, Mom. He hates me! I'm coming home, to live with you." Her mother replied, "Oh, no, dear, we'll make him pay. I'm coming to stay with you!"

A small girl knelt beside her bed to say her prayers. "Dear God, please send clothes to all those poor ladies on grandpa's computer. Amen."

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[cyberjoke3000] November 9, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Steve Robson sends along the latest T-Mobile ad, filmed in an airport terminal, to the surprise of many passengers. As Steve says, "It's only viral marketing, but it's still rather good!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NB3NPNM4xgo

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

There are three types of computer users: novice, intermediate, and expert. The novice user is afraid that pressing some key might break a computer. The intermediate user doesn't know how to fix a computer after pressing the key that broke it. And the expert user presses the key that breaks someone else's computer!

Why couldn't the witch doctor make a zombie? He suffered from resurrectile dysfunction

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[cyberjoke3000] November 8, 2010

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Finally, all those political ads are over. Now you've got time to invest in your own future: sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2581

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

We bought our son an iPhone for his birthday. We bought our daughter an iPod for her birthday. My family bought me an iPad for my birthday. I bought my wife an iRon for her birthday. That's when my troubles began....

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

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