Joke For All: October 2011

Sunday, October 30, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 31, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Even spooks and goblins need a good sight gag today! Happy Halloween!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3081

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Rita Rudner says: "Men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have both experienced pain and bought jewelry!"

A man entered a Wal-Mart. The greeter said to him, "Automotive, aisle 15." The man asked, "How did you know I came to buy oil?" The greeter replied, "That's my job." Another man entered and the greeter said, "Sporting goods, aisle 28." "How did you know I wanted fishing supplies?" "That's my job." A woman walked in and the greeter said, "Tampons, aisle 5." The woman said, "What? No. I'm here for hemorrhoid cream." The greeter said, "Damn. Missed it by that much!"

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Thursday, October 27, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 28, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Hub sends along this wonderful time lapse video showing Boeing finishing a Southwest Airlines jet. How much masking tape was used on that paint job?!
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=zKnsyYbfC60

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A drunk staggered and fell flat on his butt. As he slowly got back on his feet, he remembered his flask was in his hip pocket. Feeling something wet running down his leg, he said, "Oh, no! I hope that's blood!"

Why are cowgirls bowlegged? Because cowboys don't take their hats off to eat!

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[cyberjoke3000] October 27, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Bas van Rossem sends along another cellphone tip: if your Internet provider rounds off your usage, lengthen the time betwee email checks, particularly when roaming. A quick email check (even when you get no email) might be rounded up enough that a once-a-minute check costs you megabytes every hour!

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

My doctor asked what I did yesterday, so I told him about my day: "I waded across the edge of a lake, crawled through blackberry bushes, marched up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of stinging nettles, waded through sand, and jumped away from a snake." My doctor said, "You must be quite an outdoorsman!" I replied, "No; I'm a lousy golfer!"

Did you hear about the new lesbian running shoe? It has an extra long tongue and only takes one finger to get off!

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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 26, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Gary Orndorff sends aong this do-it-yourself interactive animation page. Draw a stickman and it does the animation for you!
http://www.drawastickman.com

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

It's so easy selling stuff on the Internet. I sold the same homing pigeon on eBay twenty-two times!

The mortician phoned Mrs. Banley and said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Banley, but I can't seem to close the lid on your husband's coffin because of his huge erection." Mrs. Banley replied, "Why don't you cut it off and stick it up his a$$? That's the only hole in town it's never been in!"

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Monday, October 24, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 25, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Bas van Rossem sends along this helpful cellphone tip to extend your battery: turn off automatic WiFi, GPS and Bluetooth detection. Continual searching by those three programs really sucks down your battery.

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A little girl was on a walk with her grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating. "What are the doggies doing, Grandma?" Embarrassed, her grandmother said, "Uh, the dog on top hurt his paw and the one on the bottom is carrying him to the doctor." "Dogs are just like people, aren't they, Grandma?" "How do you mean, dear?" The sweet little girl said, "Offer someone a helping hand, and they'll screw you every time!"

Two co-eds were discussing their heavy smoking habit. "I get such cravings for a cigarette," said one, "that the only thing I can do is pop a LifeSaver in my mouth and suck hard." "That's fine for you," huffed her friend, "but not all of us live near the beach!"

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Sunday, October 23, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 24, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

What takes the nip out of this fall air better than some hearty sight gags?
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3071

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I asked my wife if she'd love me when I was old and useless. She replied, "Of course I do!"

A couple had marital problems so they visited a counselor who first spoke to the wife alone. "You've been married twenty years; what's the problem?" She replied, "My husband drives me crazy! Whenever we go out, he stares at the floor and refuses to go near anyone else. And, he picks his nose, even in public. And, when we make love, he never lets me be on top! Just once, I want to be in control!" The counselor said, "Thank you. Now I'll speak with your husband." The husband entered and sat down. "Your wife says you're driving her crazy." The husband looked shocked. "What?! For twenty years, I've been loving and considerate and given her what she wanted! What's her problem?" The counselor related her complaints. The husband looked concerned. "These are things my father told me on his death bed and I swore I'd obey him." "Exactly what did your father say?" "He said I should never step on anyone's toes!" The counselor said, "Actually, that means that you shouldn't do anything that would anger another." The husband looked sheepish. "Oh. Okay." The counselor continued, "What about picking your nose?" "My father told me to keep my nose clean." "No, that meant you shouldn't indulge in criminal behavior." "Oh." The husband felt dumb. "But why won't you allow your wife to be on top during lovemaking?" The husband looked serious. "That was the last thing my father told me on his deathbed." "Exactly what did he say?" "With his dying breath, he told me, 'Don't screw up'!"

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Thursday, October 20, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 21, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Have trouble with cell phone battery life? Signal searching will quickly kill your battery. Turn your phone off or put it in airplane mode before you travel out of range of a cell tower (like when you’re on a plane).

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Comedian Joe Wong says: "I read that kids today can't read an analog watch, only the digital kind. How are they going to report the location of hot chicks? 'Hot chick at 3 o'clock!' 'Man, I can't stay that long'!"

A man told his therapist, "Doc, you've gotta help me." "What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "Well, I'm 35 years old and I have no luck with women. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away." "Your problem is not serious. You just need to increase your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up, run to the bathroom mirror, and say to yourself, 'I'm a good person, a fun person, an attractive person.' Say it with conviction and, within a month, you'll have women all over you." The man left excited, but returned a month later downtrodden. "Did you follow my advice?" asked the doctor. He replied, "Oh, your advice worked perfectly. For the past two weeks, I've had women all over me. I've had great sex with a different woman every night!" "So, what's the problem?" "Oh, I don't have a problem... my wife does!"

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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 20, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

A hundred years ago the Conn musical instrument company opened a new factory in Elkhart, Indiana, to replace one that burned down. While of special interest to me as a musician and former band director, this webpage will show you just how much "state of the art" factories have changed in a century. I love the line on the first photo, "No boys or girls are employed."
http://www.oberloh.com/gallery/Connfactoryimages.htm

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A farmhand, out checking fences, radioed his boss. "Bob, I gotta problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling; what should I do?" "There's a shotgun in the back of your truck. Shoot the pig in the head. When it stops wriggling, pull it out and throw it in a bush." "Okay." Ten minutes later, he radioed again. "Bob, I did what you said, but...." "Now what?" "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"

Two buddies got divorced at about the same time, decided to move to Alaska, and swore they'd never have anything to do with women again. When they got as far north as they could go, they went into a trading post and asked for enough supplies to last two men a year. The trader got a pile of gear together and then handed each man a board with a hole in it surrounded by fur. "What in the hell is that?" they asked. The trader said, "Well, boys, where you're going, there are no women. You're gonna need these." "No way. We've sworn off women for life." The trader said, "Well, take the boards with my compliments and I'll see you in a year." They left. A year later, only one guy returned to the store. The trader asked, "What happened your partner?" "I killed him," replied the guy, calmly. The shocked trader asked, "What?! Why?" "I caught him in bed with my board!"

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[cyberjoke3000] October 19, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Keith Thompson sends along this relaxing way to spend an afternoon: in a hot tub, suspended below a 600' bridge! They even built the hot tub in mid-air.

http://www.jaccuzzi.ch/html/affichjacc_264_e.html

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The doctor said, "Dan, I have good news and bad news." Dan anxiously said, "Give me the good news." "They're going to name a disease after you!"

Three guys were drinking when the topic unsurprisingly turned to women. The first guy said, "I'm a t¡t man. I love to watch women's t¡ts." The second guy said, "I'm a a$$ man. I love to watch women's a$$es." The third guy smiled. "I prefer to watch the top of their heads!"

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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Dearest One,

Dearest One,

I am Madam Alimata Raja I am a widow being that I lost my husband,my husband Late Mr Raja Sule was a serving director of the Cocoa exporting board until his death. He was assassinated by the rebels following the political uprising, before his death he made a deposit of Six Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars ($6,500,000.00USD) here in Ouagadougou Burkina Faso in one of the Security Company,he intended to buy a Cocoa processing Machine with the fund.I want you to help me for us to retreive this fund and transfer it to your account in your country or any safer place as you will be the beneficiary and recipient of the fund which we will use for joint investment in your country.I have plans to do investment in your country, like real estate and industrial production. This is my reason for writing to you. Please if you are willing to assist me and my only Daughter Linda Raja ,indicate your interest by replying urgently
Thanks and best regards .
Madam Alimata Raja

[cyberjoke3000] October 18, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I'm so proud to announce that yesterday afternoon, our daughter gave birth to our first grandson: Fig Owen Hughes. Mother, father, big sister and baby are all doing great. What a joyous day for us!

CyberJokester Chip Larouche sends along this amazing video made while Yu Muroga was making deliveries during Japan's March earthquake. Like many, he was unaware of the oncoming tsunami. The HD camera on his dashboard captured the earthquake and the subsequent tsunami. He escaped seconds before his van was crushed by debris and sank. The camera was heavily damaged but a video expert was able to retrieve this footage.
http://fragg.me/video/japan-tsunami-inside-car

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Doc, I'm just too tired to help out around the house like I used to before I retired." The doctor examined him, but found nothing wrong. When the examination was complete, the man said, "Doc, I can take it. Just tell me in plain English what's wrong with me." The doctor replied, "Well, in plain English: you're lazy." The man looked worried. "Okay. Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife!"

A drunk stumbled over to an unescorted female. "Hey, baby, how about it? You and me?" She stood up to move. He said, louder, "Honey, you look like you could use the money, but I don't have an extra ten dollars." She replied even louder, "What makes you think I charge by the inch?"

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Monday, October 17, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 17, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Even if you're busy occupying Wall Street, maybe your friends would enjoy some fresh sight gags?
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3061

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I went to a bookstore and asked the sales clerk, "Where's the self-help section?" She said, "If I tell you, wouldn't that defeat the purpose?"

Little Johnny was always anxious in the barber's chair, so the barber gave him a Tootsie roll. As the barber worked away, loose hair fell over his face. The barber asked, "John, do you have hair on your goodie?" "Don't be silly, you old pervert! I'm only eight years old!"

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Friday, October 14, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 14, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

What if every Hollywood star suddenly sprouted a Tom Selleck mustache? Take a look:
http://bit.ly/n8FQM6

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A wife said to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." He replied, "What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair!"

A woman spent so long looking at greeting cards that finally a clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?" The woman replied, "Maybe. Do you have any cards that say, 'Sorry I laughed at your dick'?"

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Joke For All

Sunday, October 30, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 31, 2011

Thursday, October 27, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 28, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 27, 2011

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 26, 2011

Monday, October 24, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 25, 2011

Sunday, October 23, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 24, 2011

Thursday, October 20, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 21, 2011

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 20, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 19, 2011

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Dearest One,

[cyberjoke3000] October 18, 2011

Monday, October 17, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 17, 2011

Friday, October 14, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] October 14, 2011

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