Wednesday, May 30, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] May 31, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I never got to see a space shuttle launch in person, but this video may be nearly as good.

http://www.flixxy.com/the-best-space-shuttle-launch-video.htm

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two lawyers sat down at a bar and ordered drinks. Soon, they took sandwiches from their briefcases and started eating. The bartender said, "Excuse me, gentlemen, but you can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The lawyers shrugged and exchanged sandwiches.

 

Sam had been away at war for three years, in many battles, and won many decorations. When he was finally discharged, he returned home to his wife and son. As he walked up the sidewalk to his front door, his young son saw him and cried, "Mommy, here comes Daddy, and he's got a Purple Heart on!" His mother replied, "I don't care what color it is! Let him in and you go play with your friends for a few hours!" 


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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] May 30, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

What happens in a single minute? Over 695,000 status updates on Facebook, 20,000 new posts on Tumblr, 13,000 iPhone apps downloaded, and much more. Check out "Incredible Things That Happen Every 60 Seconds on the Internet"
http://read.bi/JPpM2S 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

If Isaac Newton was such a genius, wouldn't he have discovered the law of gravity while sitting on the toilet?!

 

What's worse than an out-of-tune piano? An organ that goes flat in the middle of a piece! 


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Monday, May 28, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] May 29, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Back at work after yesterday’s Memorial Day holiday? Don’t really want to work yet? I can’t blame you. But I can help you goof off a while:
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3371 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A customer wanted to ask out an attractive waitress, but couldn't get her attention. Every time he'd try to catch her eye, she looked away. Finally, he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she quickly said, "Sure! I'd love to." He was surprised. "Then why have you been avoiding me all night? I couldn't even make eye contact." She said, "Oh, that? I was afraid you wanted more coffee!"

 

Little Suzi was sitting on the front stoop of the catholic girls school, smoking a cigarette. The priest walked by and glared. "Suzi! Smoking? At your age? Aren't you ashamed?" Little Suzi took a deep drag and replied through a cloud of smoke, "What's better than a cigarette after sex?" 


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Sunday, May 27, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] May 28, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Last year, my wife and I were lucky to get to visit Venice, Italy. Here's what one day in Venice looks like, from dawn to dusk, but compressed to only three  minutes.
http://www.flixxy.com/venice-in-a-day.htm 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Three bad things happened to me today: I learned my best friend slept with my girlfriend; my best friend got hit by a bus; and I lost my bus driver's license!

 

"Pete, I can't believe that you and Claire are splitting up," said John. "I always thought you were the perfect couple. What happened?" Pete explained, "One night, when we drove through the red-light district, Claire said, 'Look! It's one of those hookers, or prostitutes, or whatever you call them" and I said, 'Her name is Kelly'." John fell silent for a moment and then said, "So do you think she'll let you keep the Harley?" 


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Thursday, May 24, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] May 25, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester and baritone saxophonist Jim Hunt sends along Google's home page doodle art for May 23, 2012: honoring Bob Moog's 78th birthday, Google implemented a playable synthesizer on their home page!
http://www.google.com/doodles/finder/2012/All%20doodles
And here's how to work the controls:
http://bit.ly/Mpe7qM

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Judi went to a travel agent to buy a round-trip ticket. "Where to?" asked the agent. Judi rolled her eyes and said, "Duh. Back here!"

 

After a night of virtuoso sexual performance, the newly wed husband snuggled up to his new wife and said, "Darling, last night was amazing. Would you mind telling me how many man you've been with before me?" No answer. He persuaded, "Oh, come on. There must have been others. It's okay." Another long pause. As he started to ask again, his new bride interrupted him. "Hang on a minute. I'm counting!" 


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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] May 24, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Doug Bulger sends along this stupendous gigapixel photograph of the flight deck of the space shuttle. Go full screen, zoom in, and drag the photo around. You can see everything!
http://www.3d-360.com/102753

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Well, son, what did you learn at kindergarten today?" "I learned to say 'Yes, sir' and 'No, sir,' " replied the little boy. "You did?" asked his father. "Yeah."

 

Bob hadn't been to a class reunion in decades. Entering this one, he thought he recognized a woman over in the corner. He approached her, extended his hand, and said, "You look like Helen Brown." She snapped back, "Yeah? Well, pal, you look like sh¡t in blue!" 


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Monday, May 21, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] May 22, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Al Bryda sends along this hilarious song reflecting on downside of growing old: "Senior Moments."

http://www.rtbot.net/play.php?id=Xv1tMioGgXI 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

When a supermarket held a sale on boneless chicken breasts, Willie intended to stock up but found only a few skimpy packages left. He complained to the butcher. She replied, "I'll make up some more trays. They'll be ready in a few minutes." Willie then continued shopping. Soon he heard the lady butcher's voice boom over the P. A. system: "Will the gentleman looking for bigger breasts, please meet me at the back of the store."

 

When the blonde wife of a brunette husband gave birth to a redhead, the husband suspected she had cheated on him. He went to a specialist who asked him, "How often do you two have sex?" He replied, "Well, we used to do it all the time, but now it's maybe just once or twice a year." The doctor responded, "Ah, that explains it. You're just rusty!" 


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[cyberjoke3000] May 21, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Go on. I dare you. Just try not to click this link:
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3361

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school. The interviewer asked, "And where do you see yourself ten years from now?" The student replied, "Well, since today's Wednesday, I'll probably be on the golf course!"

 

A young American woman, on her very first trip to Paris, wanted to test the Frenchmen's famed expertise at love-making. She asked her first date exactly what he would do with her. He boasted, "First, I weel remove ze dress. Zen, I will carry you to ze bed. And zen, I will kiss ze navel." She was unimpressed. "Humpht. I've had my navel kissed hundreds of times." The Frenchman shrugged. "Ahhhhh, but of course. But, from ze inside?!" 


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Friday, May 18, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] May 18, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Let’s finish the week with the compilation of all the online video "Great Moments Of 2011."
http://www.flixxy.com/great-moments-of-2011.htm

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Four guys had planned their deer hunting trip for months but, shortly before the big date, Ron's wife changed her mind. His buddies were disappointed, but what could they do? Yet, when they got to the trailhead, there stood Ron. "Dammit, man. How did you talk your wife into letting you go?" "Well, last night she put on a skimpy nightie and pulled me into the bedroom, which was lit only by candlelight. She even had handcuffs and ropes! She said, 'Tie me to the bed', so I did. And then she said, 'Do whatever you want.' So, here I am!"

Life is like a pen¡s: simple, carefree, soft, meek and modest. It's women that make it hard! 


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Wednesday, May 16, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] May 17, 2012



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Sure, dogs can understand some words -- but over 1,000? Watch as Neil Degrasse Tyson shows you one amazing canine with a huge vocabulary!

http://www.flixxy.com/the-dog-who-knows-1000-words.htm 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

What's the difference between a ball and a prince? One is thrown in the air; the other is heir to the throne.

 

Two cannibals captured a hapless missionary, cooked him to perfection, and sat down to dinner. To be fair, they decided that one would start at the head and eat down and the other would start at the feet and eat up; that way they'd meet in middle. After a few minutes, the top one asked, "How it's going down there?" His friend replied, "I'm having a ball!" "Slow down! You're eating too fast!" 


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