Wednesday, November 30, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] November 30, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Eric Schneck sends along this video of 167 Theremin nesting dolls playing Beethoven's 9th Symphony. That's not a typo. My question is: Why?!
http://bit.ly/2fJUC0N

And, of course, they had to set a Guinness record for “Largest Theremin Ensemble!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?&v=OnlsfeRNw1I#t=5m1s 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

How is it that only one company makes the game "Monopoly?"

The Consultant estimates it will take eighteen months to deliver a baby. The Site Engineer thinks a single woman can deliver nine babies in one month. The Client doesn't know why he wants a baby. The Marketing Manager thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are involved. The Documentation Team doesn't care whether or not a child is delivered, they'll just document all nine months. The Quality Auditor is never happy with any baby. The Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources. The Third Party Auditor is sure that this is not the right baby. The Software Engineer thinks you can deliver a baby in one month if you get nine girls pregnant. 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, November 28, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] November 29, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

OK Go's latest music video was shot in 4.2 seconds -- but then slowed down so it take minutes to play!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvW61K2s0tA

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The lady of the house was instilling in her new maid the importance of being careful around her valuable household objects. Pointing to the dining room, she said with pride, "That table goes back to Louis the Fourteenth." The new maid replied, "Oh, I understand. My flatscreen goes back to Best Buy on the sixteenth!"

What's the best kind of blonde secretary to hire? One who never misses a period! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, November 27, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] November 28, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

After four days off, who wants to start working now? Enjoy some fresh sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5641 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two blondes bought a bird dog and took it out to give it a try. After hours with no success, one blonde said to the other, "How about we throw him up in the air one more time and, if he doesn't fly, we shoot him?!"

You may not be so good in bed if ...your girlfriend complains because her ashtray keeps falling off your ass! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, November 25, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] November 25, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

This week President Obama honored 21 Americans with the Presidential Medal of Freedom. While news coverage focused on Kareem, Ellen, DeNiro, and Michael Jordan, geeks noticed two female software pioneers: Margaret Hamilton and Grace Hopper. Hamilton was instrumental in landing men on the moon, while Hopper invented the first compiler.
http://bit.ly/2fWwQkY 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I love long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me!

A gorgeous Thai girl sat down across from me on the morning train. I thought over and over, "Please don't get an erection! Please don't get an erection!" ...But she did! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, November 23, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] November 24, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Cal Newport states something I've believed for a few years now: time spent on social media is time wasted. But before you scream and delete this email, read his entire opinion:

http://nyti.ms/2fItdyP

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

One Thanksgiving we went to my sister's house for dinner. Knowing my sister is gullible, Mom decided to play a trick: she told sis that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, Mom removed the stuffing from the turkey, put it in a Cornish hen she'd brought with her, inserted that inside the turkey, then re-stuffed the turkey and placed the combo in the oven. At dinner, my sister started to remove the stuffing from the turkey, but when she hit something inside, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. Mom acted shocked and exclaimed, "Oh, no! You've cooked a pregnant bird!" My sister burst into tears. It took us an hour to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

One extra-terrestrial to another: "Last month, they lobotomized pumpkins. Now they're shoving bread up a turkey's ass. I told you this planet has issues, Bert!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] November 23, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Wallace Krebs sends along this comparison of the gold-old Hubble and the soon-to-be-launched Webb space telescopes. We've made a lot of progress in 25 years!
http://jwst.nasa.gov/comparison.html

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A big burly man visited the parsonage to speak to the minister's wife, a charitable woman. In a broken voice, he said, "Ma'am, a local family is in a terrible plight: the father is dead, the mother is ill, and her children are starving. They're going to be forced out of their home unless someone pays their rent today." The pastor's wife said, "That's terrible! May I ask who you are?" The visitor dabbed his eyes with his handkerchief and said, "I'm their landlord!"

"How ugly was she?" "She's so ugly that when she gives head, it counts as anal!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, November 22, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] November 22, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Adobe is working on "Photoshop for Voices," an app that lets you do magical things to recorded speech. Now you can make anyone say anything. Well, sort of. Watch this tech demo:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3l4XLZ59iw 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Isn't it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom -- until they're flashing behind you?

What's the most important thing that a man gets out of his penis? The wrinkles! 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, November 20, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] November 21, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Before you overindulge yourself at Thanksgiving, why not overindulge your humor?
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5631 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, eventually they'd all find me attractive!

Types of Female Orgasm. The Optimist: "Oh, yes. Oh, yes! Oh, YES!" The Pessimist: "Oh, no. Oh, no! Oh, NO!" The Confused: "Oh, yes. Oh, no. Oh, YES! Oh, No!" The Traveler: "Oh, I'm coming. I'm coming!" The Religious: "Oh, God. Oh, GOD!" The Userer: "Ah, more, more, more!" The Murderer: "If you take it out, I'll kill you!" The Submariner: "Mmm, oh, deeper, DEEPER!" 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, November 17, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] November 18, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Thanks to all who send me a dirty joke yesterday! I appreciate it. But I’m so needy. I want more. Always more! Seriously: I have barely a week’s supply of dirties remaining. Send me your favorites, please!

 

Got kids? Do you limit their screen(s) time? You should. The American Academy of Pediatrics has new recommended guidelines:

http://bit.ly/2dwTbp6 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I love growing older. Every day I learn something new ...and forget five other things!

What do you get when you cross a frog with a dog? A dog that can lick itself from across the room! 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, November 16, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] November 17, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

It is with sadness that I announce I’ve run out of dirty jokes! I have months of clean jokes ready for you, but only a week of dirties! If you have a favorite risqué joke that you haven't seen in CyberJoke 3000™, please send it to me. Immediately! We’re in a drought!

Got a joke to share with me? Send it here. If you received this email from a friend, why not start your own free subscription? It's easy. See below.

AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

My Favorite Tofu Recipe: Throw the tofu in the trash and grill a steak!

Two cowboys were talking in the bunkhouse. "That new bull nearly did me in today." "Oh, yeah? What happened?" "While I was a' spreadin' feed, that sucker charged me like a locomotive from hell. Damn near got me, too!" "How'd you get away?" "Well, he slipped a few times and that let me jump over the fence." "Sounds scary! If it'd been me, I'd probably have shit!" "What do you think that bull slipped on?!" 

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] November 16, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Good news for Netflix users (like me): their CEO says they have no plans to crack down on password sharers (like me). (And probably you.)
http://bit.ly/2dwNQhN 

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Shortly after take-off of an Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, a flight attendant announced in a lovely Irish brogue, "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very sorry but there's been a mix-up by our catering service and instead of a hundred meals, they only gave us fifty. Anyone willing to give up their meal will receive free drinks for the duration of our flight." Her next announcement was two hours later. "If anyone is hungry, we still have fifty meals available."

What do you call an Indian brave with three testicles? A buck and a half! 

For a free subscription to CyberJoke 3000™
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Every past issue is here.
To join, send a blank email here.
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Go here, unsubscribe your old address, then resubscribe with your new address.

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For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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