Wednesday, March 30, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] March 31, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Can you juggle? Can you juggle three Rubik's cubes? While solving all three? Within twenty seconds?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kF9WbaJ0GZ4

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Barry busted at the blackjack table and then begged, "Please, won't somebody loan me a hundred dollars? I'll pay you back as soon as I win!" Everyone at the table shook their head except for Tex, who said, "Here ya go, boy. Enjoy yourself!" and handed him a crisp C note. Barry profusely thanked the Texan, returned to the table, and immediately lost it all. The next night, Barry wandered in, saw Tex, begged him again for money, and again Tex gave him a hundred-dollar bill. That, too, was gone within minutes. The third night Barry ran into Tex, who started to reach for his wallet. Barry said, "Oh, no way, man! You're bad luck!"

How are an anniversary, a toilet, and a clitoris alike? Men miss all three! 

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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] March 30, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

And Adams's work changed the way every photographer since makes images. I remember visiting Yosemite in 1973 and being struck by the beauty of his original prints but couldn't afford to pay $1,000 for an 8x10 black and white print. (I wish I had; today they're worth up to 50 times that!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zxancgfDVg 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I smiled at the woman sitting beside me on the flight and told her how beautiful she was. She said, "Tell me something I don't know." So I asked her if she wanted to discuss quadratic formulae!

The U.S.S.R. schoolteacher held up a brick and asked her class, "What does this brick make you think of?" Boris raised his hand. "I think of the heroic toilers who build Communism using such bricks." "Very good, Boris. Svetla? What do you think of?" "I remember our noble forefathers who used bricks as weapons on the barricades during the Revolution." "Very good, Svetla. And now you, Peter." "I think of pussy." "What? Why would you think of that when I specifically showed you a brick?" "Teacher, that's all I ever think about!" 

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I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Monday, March 28, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] March 29, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Release the Cracuns! APL has created Corrosion Resistant Aerial Covert Unmanned Nautical drones. Wait. We have yet to figure out aerial drones and now they're submersible?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o17x3XTA-DM 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Dad, I think our next-door neighbors are mad at us." "Why, son?" "Probably because our dog can retrieve the morning paper and theirs can't." "What? How do you know that? We don't even subscribe to the paper." "Yeah. And that might have something to do with it, too!"

Men are like shoelaces: they have to enter a lot of holes before they tie the knot! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, March 27, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] March 28, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

If you’re new to CyberJoke 3000™, every Monday I release ten new sight gags with this link:
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5291 
But remember: all 5,300 are still there every other day, too. Don’t limit your visits to just one day each week!

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A father took his seven-year-old son to the zoo. As they viewed the animals, his son pointed and said, "Look, Dad. There's a frickin' lion!" "What did you say?" asked his astonished father. "It's a frickin' lion!" People stared. Unsure how to respond, he asked, "Son, where did you come up with that?" The little boy replied, "It's on that sign. See, Dad?" and he pointed to the sign on the fence reading, "African Lion."

What They Say (And What They Mean): I'll give you a call. (You'll never see me again.) I have something to tell you. (Get tested.) I'm a Romantic. (I'm poor.) Trust me. (I'm cheating on you.) I love you. (You're a good lay.) I think we should just be friends. (You're ugly.) Haven't I seen you before? (Nice ass.) Did you come? (Because I didn't.) I want a commitment. (I'm tired of my dildo.) I want to make love to you. (Let's f*¢k.) Was it good for you? (I'm insecure about my manhood.) We need to talk. (I'm pregnant.) I had a great time last night. (What's your name again?) I've been thinking about you a lot. (You're not as cute as when I was drunk.) I've learned a lot from you. (Next!) I think we should see other people. (I've been seeing other people.) Let's get married. (Now can we f*¢k?) We don't have to do anything until you're ready. (Put out or get out.) It's time to express our love. (I want head.) I still think about you. (I miss the sex.) Is there something wrong? (It's soft.) You're so mature. (I hope you're eighteen.) "Yes... yes... YES!" (Hope you're done too.) 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Friday, March 25, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] March 25, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I'm just getting back to my room after the hang after tonight’s 50th reunion jazz concert (which is also why this CyberJoke 3000™ is hours late!). As you might assume, I'm still wired! It was a great evening! We played together as if those fifty years had never passed! Amazing. Is there anything besides music that can make that happen? There was a lot of love on that stage tonight!

Tandem surfing looks impossible but is balletic and beautiful!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35FV6YER-TM

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A happily married couple took in their old Aunt Emma and she nearly ended their marriage. She was always rude and demanding. After she finally died, on the way home from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I wouldn't have put up with your Aunt Emma living with us all these years." She looked aghast. "My Aunt Emma! I thought she was your Aunt Emma!"

What do you get when you cross a blonde with a piranha? Probably your last blowjob! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Wednesday, March 23, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] March 24, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

If you’re anywhere close to Columbia, Missouri tonight, I hope you’ll come by the Missouri Theater and hear the 50 Years of Jazz at Mizzou concert. I just got back from rehearsal and, damn! It’s a good band! Here’s an article about us:
https://twitter.com/allowe/status/712861214636908544

In 1919, a wave of molasses traveling at 35mph decimated an entire neighborhood in Boston, and killed 21 people. Did you know this? (I didn't.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMNo7IwwXDQ

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AL

Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Iced Mocha: As my friend Pablo used to say, "My memory's not so good because iced mocha lotta weed!"

"Do you have any grounds for your divorce?" asked the attorney. His client answered, "My husband brings his work home with him night after night!" "That's scarcely grounds for divorce; why, I sometimes do that myself." His client snapped back, "But my husband's a pimp!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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[cyberjoke3000] March 24, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Who was the black woman who first refused to give up her seat on a bus? Rosa Parks. Wrong; Claudette Colvin! Read how history was shaped when the NAACP decided not to use her to challenge segregation law.
http://historybuff.com/claudette-colvin-rOyoD1y8D2We

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

For years, John wanted a boat but frugality won out ...until the day he read the obituary of his high-school buddy, Ted. "Life is short," thought John, and that day bought his boat. The next day, another classmate phoned. "Sad, wasn't it? You know: Ted's boating accident."

I went to a meeting at the Pre-Ejaculation Clinic today but nobody was there. I guess I came early. 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Tuesday, March 22, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] March 23, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Lowell Wall sends along this interesting industry video on how Dole harvests bananas. And I thought they just grew in those little plastic bags!
https://www.youtube.com/embed/_l7sak6Vlq8 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

An engineer was surveying land to expand a golf course from nine to eighteen holes. Using a machete to clear the thick brush, he found a golf club that some irate golfer must have thrown deep into the wilderness. Since it was nearly new, he took it and continued working. When he broke out of the brush near a green, two golfers stared at him: machete in one hand, golf club in the other, and behind him a clear-cut deep into the woods. One golfer said softly, "Now there's a golfer who hates losing a ball!"

Advantages of Dating an Older Woman: An older woman never wakes you up in the middle of the night to ask what you're thinking because she doesn't give a sh¡t what you think! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Monday, March 21, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] March 22, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Like everyone else, CyberJoke 3000™ gets loads of spam in its email account. Until yesterday, I’ve deleted them all. But I missed one. So just ignore that odd email. Error!

During my lifetime, hundreds of species have gone extinct. Here are only eleven of them:
http://bit.ly/1XkE2nI 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

An American took a guided tour of an old castle. Before the tour started, she told the guide, "I'm afraid of ghosts. There aren't ghosts here, are there?" The guide answered, "Oh, don't worry. I've never seen a ghost in all the time I've been here." "And how long is that?" "About three hundred years."

My buddy told me, "My wife just ran off with a bankwalker." "What's a bankwalker?" "Remember how, when you went skinny-dipping as a kid, some boys jumped in the water real quick while those who were better-endowed took their time and strutted around on the bank? You know: a bankwalker!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Sunday, March 20, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] March 21, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

In case any of you are near Mizzou this week, my college jazz band is having its 50th anniversary concert Thursday. I hope you can drop by: Missouri Theater, Columbia, MO.
http://www.allowe.com/humor/sight-gags.html?PicNumber=5281 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A barber ran from his shop to where a policeman was standing. "Officer, I need your help. A guy just skipped out of my barber shop without paying!" The officer asked, "What's he look like? Any distinguishing features?" The barber replied, "Well, he's missing his left ear!"

What's the most common protection blondes use while having sex? A bus shelter! 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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Thursday, March 17, 2016

[cyberjoke3000] March 18, 2016



It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

If you haven't been following Google's Boston Dynamics robotics works, they recently posted a video of their latest model, Atlas. It's worth a look to see the current state of the art.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVlhMGQgDkY 

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I asked the librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cats. She said it rang a bell but wasn't sure if it was there or not.

A champion snooker player got married and on the first night of his honeymoon exited the bathroom to find his new wife lying provocatively on the bed, wearing the scantiest negligee. Naked, with a stiff erection, he didn't say a word, but simply stood there, staring at his new bride, while chalking the end of his pen¡s. This went on for quite a while until, moist with excitement and shaking with anticipation, she removed her negligee and spread her legs wide, urging him to take her. But he just continued chalking his throbbing member. Finally, she screamed, "For God's sake, man, what are you waiting for?" He blew the loose chalk dust off, smiled and said, "I'm trying to decide whether to go for the tight brown or the easy pink!" 

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Copyright information
I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.



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Posted by: "Al Lowe" <al@allowe.com>



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