Joke For All: March 2012

Thursday, March 29, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 30, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Here's some Incredible video shot from an R/C plane over the Rhine Valley and other scenic parts of Germany. Best in fullscreen, high-def.
http://www.flixxy.com/rc-plane-with-camera-flies-around-scenic-germany.htm
And here's that same R/C pilot catching his camera-equipped airplane after each flight. Best in fullscreen, high-def.
http://www.flixxy.com/catching-a-camera-equipped-rc-airplane.htm

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why do men talk so dirty? So they can wash their mouth out with beer!

Women often say that giving birth is more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. But here's proof they're wrong: Sometimes, after giving birth, a woman will say, "Maybe it would be nice to have another child." You'll never hear a man say, "I'd like another kick in the nuts." Case closed!

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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 29, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

How about a Rube Goldberg machine for a perfect romantic evening? And if you like this one, there are others available from 2D, its makers.
http://www.flixxy.com/date-night-rube-goldberg-machine.htm

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Larry went up to a girl at a bar and said, "Would you like to dance?" She haughtily replied, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you." Larry said, "Oh, you must have misunderstood. I said, 'You look fat in those pants'!"

What do you call a prostitute with her hand up her skirt? Self-employed.

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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 28, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Jed Feiman sends along "The City of Samba," an amazing time-lapse video that uses "tilt-shift" lenses to make the real world look like animation:
http://vimeo.com/37157187

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A toothpaste factory sometimes shipped boxes without a tube. The president hired engineers to solve this problem. After months and millions of dollars, they came up with an expensive scale that weighed every box and, when a box's weight was off, sounded a horn and stopped the line so the defective box could be removed. Soon there were no more customer complaints and no empty boxes. "Money well spent," thought the president. But his reports also claimed the new scale consistently detected zero empties. The puzzled president went down to the factory floor to inspect his expensive new scale. He noticed that, just before the scale, someone had aimed an old electric fan at the conveyor belt. As he watched, an empty box came down the line and the fan blew it off the belt. "Oh, that?" replied a worker. "Jim brought it from home because he was tired of hearing that damned horn!"

If a threesome is sex with three people, and a twosome is sex with two people, I guess you can just call me "handsome."

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[cyberjoke3000] March 27, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Here's a short video of breathtaking still photos from Human Planet, a new BBC production that reminds me of Planet Earth, only this focuses on human beings. Stunning photographs!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-12618167

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two mothers were discussing their children. Joan said, "Pauly has a terrible time waking up. How do you get your Johnny up on school mornings?" Little Johnny's mother replied, "Oh, it's easy. I just throw the cat on his bed." "How does that help?" "He sleeps with the dog!"

My neighbor across the street is young, hot and single. I couldn't help but watch her as she got home from work this evening. Boy, was I surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway, and knocked on my front door. I rushed to open it. She looked at me and said, "I just got off work and I'm so horny! I just want to have fun, get drunk, and make love all night! Are you busy tonight?" I immediately replied, "No, I have no plans at all!" And then she said, "Great! In that case, would you watch my dog?" Man, getting old sucks!

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Send your comments and feedback here.

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Sunday, March 25, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 26, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Spring is finally here! Rejoice by staying inside, looking at sight gags!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3281

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Please give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a big pile of money.

A hillbilly got married and, on his wedding night, phoned his father for advice since he had never been intimate with a woman before. "Paw, we're in the bedroom. Now what do we do?" Assuming nature would take its course, his father replied, "Take off her clothes and get in bed." Five minutes later, Dad's phone rang again. "Okay, Paw, she's nekid in bed. Now what?" Knowing his son wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, his dad asked, "Did you take your clothes off, too?" "Nope." "Well, take off your clothes and you get back in bed with her." A few minutes later, another call. "Now we're both nekid and in bed. Now what?" "Look, son, must I spell out everything? Just stick the hardest thing on your body where she pees!" The next phone call began, "Okay, Paw, I got my head in the toilet. Now what?"

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Thursday, March 22, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 23, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

With berry season upon us, here’s a tip to make berries last longer: rinsing them in a weak solution of vinegar and water (at a ratio of 1:10) will keep them from molding for a much longer time.

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A husband and wife were shopping. He picked up a case of Miller Lite and put it in their cart. "What are you doing?" asked his wife. "It's on sale," he replied. "Put it back. It's a waste of money." He did. A few aisles later, she picked up a jar of face cream and put it in the basket. "What are you doing?' he asked. "It's face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she replied. He retorted, "So does a case of Miller Lite and it's half the price!" "Attention: husband down, aisle 7!"

The difference between a slut and a bitch is a slut sleeps with everybody; a bitch sleeps with everybody but you!

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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 22, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Watch this exhilarating video of the World's Largest Rope Swing on Corona Stone Arch in Moab, Utah. Ah, to be that young and foolish again!:

http://bit.ly/AizOsM

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Why don't men enjoy golfing with women?" asked Jill. Her friend, Mary, replied, "I don't know but I went golfing once with my husband and he never let me go again." "Why not?" "He said I asked too many questions." "Like, what kind of questions?" inquired Jill. "Questions like: 'Why did you hit the ball into the trees?' 'Why are you digging up all that sand?' 'Are you supposed to hit the ball into the lake?' ...stuff like that!"

The sweet young thing chose a desk near a well-built young man in History 101. He whispered, "Why are you wearing a football jersey?" She said, "It was a gift. Why shouldn't I wear it?" He said, "No one gets to wear a real jersey unless you've made the team." She replied sweetly, "Oh? Did I miss someone?"

To hear jokes instead of reading them, download "Al's Comedy Club" for your iPhone, iPod, or iPad. It's less than a buck!

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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 21, 2012

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Monday, March 19, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 20, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I’d be remiss if I didn’t thank all of you who sent your condolences. They were truly appreciated.

So here are some new sight gags since I missed Monday’s:
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3271

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women don't keep their mouth closed long enough to build up enough pressure!

Jasmine told Melva about her horrible experience with the guy she took home the previous night. "After we had some really freaky sex, that S.O.B. called me a slut!" Shocked, Melva asked, "Then what did you do?" "I told him to get the hell out of my bedroom and take his biker buddies with him!"

To hear jokes instead of reading them, download "Al's Comedy Club" for your iPhone, iPod, or iPad. It's less than a buck!

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To contact me
For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

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Sunday, March 18, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 19, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

The whole family knew that my father-in-law carried the same photograph of his wife in his wallet every day for more than 70 years. What we didn’t know was that he also carried a newspaper clipping of a joke. Today, in honor of Bob Paul, I’d like to share that joke with you. Tomorrow, we’ll get back to the standard routine.

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A painter named Wayne always thinned his paint to make it go further. Usually he got away with it. But once, while Wayne was high up on some scaffolding painting a church, a tremendous bolt of lighting struck the steeple, knocking Wayne to the ground. As he lay there stunned, the skies opened up, the rain poured down, and all his cheap paint washed off the church into puddles on the ground around him. Certain that this was a judgment from the Almighty Himself, he cried, "Oh, God! Forgive me! What can I do?" From the dark clouds, a mighty voice boomed, "Repaint! And thin no more!"

To hear jokes instead of reading them, download "Al's Comedy Club" for your iPhone, iPod, or iPad. It's less than a buck!

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

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Thursday, March 8, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 9, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

I’m sad to report that my father-in-law passed away this week at age 95. I’m going to take the next few days off. He was a wonderful man, married to love of his life for nearly 70 years, and until recently still played music. Since my dad died when I was young, he was my father for all my adult life. I’m proud to have known him. He was one true gentlemen.

I’ll be back in a week or so. But right now, things just don’t seem that funny to me.

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him. "I'll give you a bag of candy if you get in the car," said the driver. "No way," replied the boy. "How about a bag of candy and ten dollars?" asked the driver. "No way," replied the youngster. "How about a bag of candy and a new bike?" quizzed the driver. "No, I'm not getting in your frickin' car!" shouted the boy. "Okay. What will it take to get you in the car?" The boy said, "Look, Dad: you had to buy a Volvo, now you have to live with it!"

How do you know if your Viagra is working? You like to sleep on your back but have to turn off the ceiling fan!

To hear jokes instead of reading them, download "Al's Comedy Club" for your iPhone, iPod, or iPad. It's less than a buck!

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To contact me
For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

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[cyberjoke3000] March 8, 2012

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

This article has a dozen tips on how to speed up your Windows 7 machine. Some are what I would consider a "last resort," (like turning off indexing) but if your machine is slow, they're all cheaper than a new computer.

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2364937,00.asp

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"Sam, I think our new cleaning lady stole two towels." "Yeah?" said a disinterested Sam. "Yes, and they were two of our best towels, too. You know: the ones we got from the Hawaii Hilton!"

Paddy went rabbit hunting with the village pastor. Paddy watched with fascination as the pastor held his finger over a rabbit hole and soon, out popped a rabbit. The pastor grabbed it and put it in his sack. He repeated this weird but successful technique until his sack was full of rabbits. Paddy couldn't resist. "What are ya doin', Pastor?" The pastor replied, "Before I go rabbit hunting, I insert my finger in my wife's vagina. Rabbits can't resist the smell. Then, when they come out, I grab 'em." Paddy rushed home to find Maureen bent over scrubbing the kitchen floor. He lifted her skirt and applied his finger as directed. Without glancing up, Maureen giggled. "Holy Moses, Pastor! Rabbit hunting again?!"

To hear jokes instead of reading them, download "Al's Comedy Club" for your iPhone, iPod, or iPad. It's less than a buck!

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To contact me
For more humor, visit allowe.com.
Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

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Joke For All

Thursday, March 29, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 30, 2012

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 29, 2012

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 28, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 27, 2012

Sunday, March 25, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 26, 2012

Thursday, March 22, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 23, 2012

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 22, 2012

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 21, 2012

Monday, March 19, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 20, 2012

Sunday, March 18, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 19, 2012

Thursday, March 8, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 9, 2012

[cyberjoke3000] March 8, 2012

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