Tuesday, August 30, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 31, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Danny Macaskill has some mad bike skills! Watch his incredible bike riding in an abandoned train yard in the beautiful Scottish countryside.
http://bit.ly/mYDVY2

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

"I just bought a cardboard TV." "What good is that?" "It's all paper view!"

Why did the urban cowboy have a brown finger? He went looking for love in all the wrong places!

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I am not the author of these jokes and I do not claim any copyright privileges concerning them. I assume them to be in the public domain. I do my best not to use copyrighted material. If you see any, tell me and I'll remove it immediately. You're welcome to send these jokes to anyone, as long as you forward this entire email, complete with all this information intact.

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Monday, August 29, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 30, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Wallace Krebs sends along a US map that shows the top search terms by state as compiled by Zite, an iPad newsreader app. Hover over each state for the top search terms. I'll bet you'll be surprised by the differences.
http://www.zite.com/static/blog/usmap

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Dear Mom & Dad: Jasmine was in a relationship with a dirty homeless boy. Snow White lived with seven men. Pinochio was a liar. Robin Hood was a thief. Tarzan walked around naked. Sleeping Beauty married the first stranger who kissed her. Cinderella lied and sneaked out to a party. You can't blame us. We were taught to rebel since an early age!

It was Harold's first day in the car pool. He came running out and got about halfway down the walk, when he heard his wife growl behind him. He ran back up the steps, spread her bathrobe, bent over, kissed her down there, ran back down the walk, and hopped in the car. After a few seconds of silence, Walter just had to ask, "Harold, it may be none of my business, but why'd you kiss her like that?" Harold said, "You wouldn't believe her breath in the morning!"

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Sunday, August 28, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 29, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Hurricane Irene did zero damage to CyberGag 3000™!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=3001

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

The judge cautioned the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?" "Yes, I do." "Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?" "Sure," said the witness. "My side will win!"

If the average sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it, then a three-second ejaculation equals a data transfer of 1,403 terabytes!

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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 25, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

When filling out online forms, everyone knows (at least since yesterday) that you should press Tab to go to the next field. What I forgot to include was to use Shift-Tab to move back to the previous field. Thanks to all who chided me for not including this tip yesterday. I use this all the time myself; I don't know why I didn't think of it.

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A young man limped into the doctor's office. "Good morning, John. What's wrong?" "It's my shins, Doc. Look." "Heavens, they're black and blue. It looks like everyone's been kicking you. What did you play, soccer or rugby?" "Neither, Doc: bridge!"

A high school boy came home from school and told his mom, "I had sex with my teacher today." "Oh, God! Go to your room! And just wait until your father gets home!" said Mom. When he did, she couldn't tell him the sordid story; she told him to ask the boy. Dad headed upstairs to ask why Mom was so mad. "All I said was: I had sex with my teacher today," replied the boy. "Wow, son. That's my boy! Ya know, son, women don't think about these things like men do. But I'm proud of you. Ya know what? I'm gonna take you out and buy you that motorcycle you've been wanting!" They did just that and, as they prepared to leave, he asked his son, "Do you want to ride it home, son?" The boy replied, "Nah. My a$$ is still sore!"

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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 24, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

When filling out an online form in your browser, don't waste time reaching for your mouse after every field. Instead, when you finish typing one field, just press the Tab key to move to the next field. It almost always works.

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A woman called the manager of a factory that hired only married men and asked, "Why do you only hire married men? Do you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous, or what?" The manager replied, "None of those, Ma'am. We want employees used to obeying orders, accustomed to being bossed around, who know how to keep their mouths shut, and don't pout when I yell at them!"

A woman asked the pharmacist, "Do you sell extra large condoms?" He replied, "Yes, do you want to buy some?" She responded, "No, but is it okay if I wait here until someone does?"

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Monday, August 22, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 23, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

When you choose your state on a website, don't click the down arrow and then slide all the way down the entire list of state names. Instead, click once in the field and then type the first letter of your state's name. If you get another state first, just press the same key again, e.g., press W once for Washington, then again for West Virginia. Much faster!

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Blueprint for the redneck labyrinth: ==============================

Before sex, you help each other undress. But after sex, you only dress yourself. Life lesson? No one helps you once you're screwed!

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Sunday, August 21, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 22, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Today's quite a day for CyberGag 3000™: today it reaches the 3,000th sight gag! Why not celebrate along with us this morning?
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2991

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A dying woman told her granddaughter, "Marci, I'm going to leave my farm to you, including the villa, the farmhouse, the tractor, all my other equipment, and over $22 million." The surprised Marci, about to become rich, said, "Oh, Granny! You are so generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" Granny replied, "Facebook!"

Little Johnny asked, "Dad, what's between Mom's legs?" His father replied, "Paradise." Little Johnny asked, "Then what's between your legs?" His father replied, "The key to paradise." Little Johnny said, "I got some advice for ya, Pops: it's time to change the lock; the neighbor's got a copy!"

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Thursday, August 18, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 19, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

If a website is wider than your browser's window, don't waste time mousing down to the scroll bar at the bottom. Instead, just tilt your mouse's scrollwheel right and left. So easy!

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

I just paid three bucks for a can of dog food. That's $21.00 in dog money!

"Doc, ya gotta help me," cried the young bride-to-be. "I'm getting married next week and my fiancé thinks I'm a virgin. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Medically, nothing, but here's something you can try: on your wedding night, as you get ready for bed, slide an elastic band up your thigh. When he enters you for the first time, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping." She loved the idea and did as instructed. When her new hubby slipped it in, she snapped the elastic band. Her husband screamed. "What in the hell was that!?" She explained, "Oh, honey, that must have been my virginity snapping." He cried out, "Well, snap it again 'cause it's got my balls!"

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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 18, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Patricia Ann Price sends along this amazing video showing what may be the ultimate in balance and control. Watch as a sculpture is created before your eyes merely by balancing sticks, one upon another.
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=jJrzIdDUfT4

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

My teacher asked what was our favorite animal. I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she was wrong, since everyone else laughed. I told my dad; he said she's probably in PETA. They love animals very much. Me, too, especially chicken, pork and beef. She sent me to the principal's office. When I told him what happened, he laughed too, but said not to do it again. The next day, she asked for our favorite live animal. I said, "Chicken." "Why?" "Because you can fry 'em!" She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed and said not to do it again. Today, she asked, "What famous person do you admire?" I answered, "Colonel Sanders!"

Confucius say: Man who wants cute nurse must be patient. Confucius say: Like spider web, passionate kiss leads to undoing of fly. Confucius say: Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent. Confucius say: Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts. Confucius say: Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion. Confucius say: Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. Confucius say: It takes many nails to build a crib but just one screw to fill it. Confucius say: Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs. Confucius say: A lion may not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 17, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Once upon a time, all recordings were made like this. Narrated by Walter Cronkite, arranged and conducted by the great Gordon Jenkins, watch as Frank Sinatra puts in "a day at the office" back in 1965.
http://bobbyowsinski.blogspot.com/2011/04/inside-look-at-1965-frank-sinatra.html

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

When you're young, pain is the absence of pleasure. When you're old, pleasure is the absence of pain!

Fred caught his first wife cheating on him, divorced her, and found a wonderful woman. Soon after they were married, he found his second wife cheating on him, too! He decided the only way to get a faithful wife was to marry one who knew nothing of sex. He eventually found such an innocent, married her, and, on their wedding night, told her about his "magic wand" which no one else in the world had. Sure enough, she was enraptured with the "magic" feelings it provided. They were very happy. Eventually Fred had to leave for a business trip, but he wasn't worried: after all, his wife knew that only he had the "magic wand." But when he got home, something was wrong. She met him at the door with, "I thought you said that you were the only man in the world with a 'magic wand'!" "Well, yes, dear..." "But Jerry has a magic wand, too!" "Well, yeah," Fred stammered. "You see, Jerry's my best friend and, since I had an extra, I gave him one." She burst into tears. "What's wrong?" he asked. She sobbed, "Why did you give him the good one?!"

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Monday, August 15, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 16, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester James Steadman says that, when your browser has several tabs open, you can easily switch between them without touching the mouse just by pressing the Ctrl key plus a number key. So, say you have Google, Yahoo, Bing, allowe.com, and OrangeSoda.com open in separate tabs; pressing Ctrl-4 will take you to my website!

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Two murderers were led to the execution chamber and given their last rites. The warden gave a short speech, said a final prayer, and then asked the first murderer, "Do you have a last request?" He replied, "Yes, sir, I do. I want to listen to Kenny G's latest CD while I die." "Certainly," replied the warden. He then turned to the other murderer. "And do you have a last request?" He said, "Yeah. Kill me first!"

Bob came home from work, dropped his briefcase, grabbed his wife, and made wild, passionate love to her, right on the living room floor! "Wow!" she said, afterwards, "What brought that on?" Bob sighed and said, "I overheard some guys at the office saying you put out!"

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Sunday, August 14, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 15, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

It's the dog days of August. Have a sight gag and take the rest of the day off!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2981

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Something's always worried me about the story of Adam and Eve. If their children populated the Earth, didn't they have to have sex with each another? Does this mean we're all descended from rednecks?

How is life like a bowl of soup? You only get blown if you're hot!

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Saturday, August 13, 2011

=?UTF-8?Q?Yahoo! Mail dalam proses upgrade: Artinya bagi Anda.?=

PENGUMUMAN LAYANAN

Halo Novan Sell,

Kami sangat menghargai kebersamaan Anda dengan Yahoo! Mail selama 3 tahun ini. Kami berharap dapat segera menghadirkan Yahoo! Mail yang lebih cepat, lebih aman, dan lebih mudah digunakan untuk Anda.

Jika Anda telah melakukan upgrade ke Yahoo! Mail versi terbaru, kami ucapkan terima kasih.

Jika belum, sekitar satu bulan sejak Anda menerima email ini, saat sign in ke account Yahoo! Mail, Anda akan diminta untuk upgrade ke Yahoo! Mail versi terbaru. Pada saat itu, Yahoo! Mail versi yang sekarang tidak akan lagi tersedia. Tapi Anda tidak perlu menunggu hingga saat itu tiba. Sekarang pun Anda dapat memiliki Yahoo! Mail versi terbaru.

Anda bisa upgrade ke Yahoo! Mail versi terbaru sekarang jika browser Anda adalah Internet Explorer 7, Firefox 3, Safari 4, atau Chrome 5, atau yang lebih baru.

Upgrade Sekarang

Jika Anda tidak punya salah satu dari browser tersebut, update browser Anda (prosesnya cepat dan gratis), lalu kembali ke email ini dan klik tombol Upgrade Sekarang.

Jika Anda mengakses Yahoo! Mail hanya dari ponsel, tablet atau lewat POP, sangatlah penting Anda mengunjungi id.overview.mail.yahoo.com melalui komputer Anda untuk melihat informasi penting mengenai upgrade tersebut, lalu baca dan setujui Ketentuan Layanan Komunikasi dan Kebijakan Privasi.

Yang Akan Anda Dapatkan Bila Anda Upgrade

Email yang lebih cepat
Teknologi perlindungan spam terbaru dari Yahoo! Mail
Desain yang lebih mudah digunakan
Kapasitas email tanpa batas sehingga Anda bisa menyimpan semua yang diinginkan

Bila Anda upgrade ke Yahoo! Mail versi terbaru, semua yang ada di account Anda (pesan, folder, kontak, dll.) akan tetap ada di sana.

Lebih lanjut tentang Yahoo! Mail versi terbaru.

Alternatif untuk Anda

Jika Anda belum siap untuk upgrade sekarang, kami sarankan Anda segera melakukan upgrade. Terhitung 30 hari sejak tanggal email ini, versi Yahoo! Mail yang saat ini Anda gunakan tidak akan lagi tersedia.
Sebagai gantinya, Anda dapat menggunakan Yahoo! Mail Klasik. Namun kami sangat menyarankan Anda untuk upgrade ke Yahoo! Mail versi terbaru atau baca Bantuan Yahoo! Mail untuk opsi lainnya.

Terima Kasih Anda Telah Menjadi Pengguna Setia Yahoo! Mail

Kami harap Anda menyukai versi terbaru Yahoo! Mail.

Tim Yahoo! Mail

Yahoo! Mail versi terbaru diatur oleh Ketentuan Layanan, Ketentuan Layanan Komunikasi dan Kebijakan Privasi baru ini.

Harap jangan balas email ini. Ini adalah email layanan terkait penggunaan Yahoo! Mail Anda. Untuk mempelajari lebih lanjut mengenai cara Yahoo! memanfaatkan data pribadi, termasuk penggunaan Web beacon pada email berbasis HTML, baca Kebijakan Privasi kami. Yahoo! beralamat di 60 Anson Road #13-01 Mapletree Anson, Singapura 079914.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 12, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

If you accidentally erase photos from your memory card, you may be able to get them back if you immediately change to another card. Google "memory card file recovery," download a free program, and use it to un-delete them. It's worth a try!

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Redneck Marriage Proposal: "You're what?!"

As I sat on the train opposite a stunning woman, I kept thinking, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection." But she did!

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 11, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

When reading a long article on a website, try this: click and release your mouse's scrollwheel. A circle with 4-points appears. Move your mouse slightly away from that circle and the page scrolls in that direction. It may be a little touchy until you get the hang of it, but it's sure nice not to have to keep rolling that scrollwheel!

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Mick went for Holy Communion. When the priest got to him, he said softly, "Body of Christ." Mick replied, "Yeah, thanks, man. I've been working out!"

After the midget married a tall woman, he was asked about sex. He replied, "When we're toes to toes, my nose is in it and when we are nose to nose, my toes are in it!"

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Tuesday, August 9, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 10, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Peter Slocombe shares this amazing HD video of "Jetman" flying over Grand Canyon last May. Be sure to watch full screen in high def!
http://bit.ly/pkawmV
And there's more about "Jetman" here:
http://www.jetman.com

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Did you hear about the man who cooled himself to absolute zero? He's 0K now.

A man asked the cute young bookstore clerk, "Do you have that new book about men with short pen¡ses? I can't remember the title." She replied, "I'm not sure it's in yet." The man said, "That's the one! I'll take a copy."

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

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Monday, August 8, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 9, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

CyberJokester Robert Yetter sends along this video showing the final assembly and launch of STS-131. This is something you'll never see again. (It's silent until near the end.) Be sure to watch full screen and high-def.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZrFC988Thc

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About halfway.

I was in bed with a blind girl last night. She said I had the biggest pen¡s she'd ever laid her hands on. I said, "You're pulling my leg!"

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Submit your jokes for CyberJoke 3000™ here.
Send your comments and feedback here.

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Sunday, August 7, 2011

[cyberjoke3000] August 8, 2011

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

Even Standard & Poor's agrees: sight gags are still rated AAA!
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2971

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

A web designer walked into a bar. But he left as soon as he saw the table layout!

The young Scottish lad and lassie were seated on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. She looked at he and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, Margaret, I was thinkin' ...perhaps it's aboot time for a wee lil' kiss." Margaret blushed, but leaned over and kissed Angus lightly on the cheek. Angus blushed. They again gazed out over the loch. Soon enough, Margaret spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' ...perhaps it's aboot time for me to put me hand on your leg." Margaret blushed and nodded demurely. Angus blushed as he felt her comely leg. Then they gazed out over the loch some more. Soon Margaret said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time I felt your chest." Margaret blushed and nodded again. Angus blushed again. Then they once again gazed over the loch. Soon Margaret quietly said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." He looked at her with furrowed brow. "Well, Margaret, this time me thoughts are more serious." "Oh?" whispered Margaret, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said Angus, who continued, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me them first three pennies?"

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PENGUMUMAN LAYANAN

Yang Akan Anda Dapatkan Bila Anda Upgrade

Alternatif untuk Anda

Terima Kasih Anda Telah Menjadi Pengguna Setia Yahoo! Mail

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