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Today's
Why didn't I figure this out sooner? This morning, in the shower, I read the label on my shampoo bottle. It said: "For extra body and volume." No wonder I've gained weight! So I got rid of that shampoo and I'm going to use dish soap instead. It says: "Dissolves difficult-to-remove fat." Problem solved.
Forest Gump was wrong. Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's like a pile of jalapenos: what you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow!
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