It's Al Lowe's
Thanks to all who informed me that the video of French magician Yann Frisch that I sent out last week was deleted. I searched YouTube for the phrase "French Magician Yann Frisch" and found several new versions, one of which is here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JI03MW3Oms
http://vimeo.com/52711779
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Today's
Last minute Christmas gift giving is easy; just give them an empty box with a note reading, "Sorry, but the world was supposed to end so I didn't get you anything. Damn you, Mayans!"
A Letter to Santa Claus
Dear Santa,
How are you? I am fine. How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from reindeer to elves, is fine. I've been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 5 for Christmas. I hope you remember that, come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
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Dear Timmy,
Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer, and the elves are all fine and send their thanks to you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried about all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can play with outside.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
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Dear Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. nice" contract set by you, I'm confident that you can see your way clear to granting me my simple request. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Plus, isn't a jibe about my weight rather trite, coming from an overweight man who only goes outside once a year?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
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Dear Mr. Jones,
While I acknowledge you meet the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way a guarantee of services provided? Should you wish to pursue legal action, that is your right, but know that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than pleased to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise to which I alluded will not only improve your health, but also your social skills and potentially your complexion, which most days looks like the bottom of a Burger King fry bin.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
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Look here, Fat Man:
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I tried to be polite but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you're just disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my buds. We'll be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHATEVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
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Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously? You think a dude who can break into every house in the world in one night without getting caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? Remember that "sees you when you're sleeping, knows when you're awake" stuff? I got your sh¡t wired, Jack. I go all around the world and I see ways to hurt people that, if I described them right now, you'd throw up your pizza rolls all over your Mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still gonna stop by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
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Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
Timmy
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Timmy,
That's what I thought, you little sh¡t!
Santa
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