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Today's
A minister heard an informal campaign speech and asked the speaker, "Before I vote for you for sheriff, I want to know if you partake of intoxicating beverages?" The candidate for sheriff replied, "Before I answer, may I ask: is this an inquisition or an invitation?"
The Lord of the manor returned from the hunt rather earlier than expected. Entering the master bedroom to change, he found her Ladyship making passionate love to Sir Reginald Carpley. The irate Lord stood stiffly and loudly berated his wife's infidelity: "I raised you out of a miserable existence on the farm, gave you a fine home, expensive clothes and jewels, provided you with servants, and this is the thanks I get?" By now, her Ladyship was sobbing inconsolably. His Lordship then turned his wrath on his supposed friend. "And as for you, Sir Reggie: you might at least pause while I'm speaking!"
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