It's Al Lowe's
It’s Friday the 13th. How about a whole bunch of Rodney Dangerfield jokes?
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Today's
Rodney Dangerfield Got No Respect: We were so poor... if I wasn't a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.
It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
I was such an ugly kid, when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
My parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I was making love to this girl when she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "Morning? Hell, I hate myself now!"
I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast-fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and told my father, "I'm sorry, we did everything we could, but he pulled through."
Once when I was lost, I asked a cop to help me find my parents. I asked him, "Do you think we'll find them?" He said, "I don't know, kid; there are so many places they can hide!"
I ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over. There was nobody home!
I went to the E. R. because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. The doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
Last night, my wife met me at the front door wearing a sexy negligee. Problem was, she was coming home!
I'm so ugly, my father carried around a picture of a kid that came with his wallet.
My wife is on that new coconut and banana diet. She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb a tree!
The other day I came home and passed a guy jogging naked. I asked, "Why?" He said, "Because you came home early."
I'm so ugly; when I was born the doctor slapped my mother!
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