It's Al Lowe's
You’ve heard enough commencement speeches -- have some sight gags to cleanse the palette.
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Today's
When turkeys mate, do they think of swans?
Truly Awful Sexual Advice: Think about your parents' nude bodies during foreplay. Use lead-based condoms. Remember: God protects his servants in the clergy from harm. Before sex, think what the kids will look like. Do not blow crack dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash and then buy your crack directly. Be sure all open sores have scabbed over. Douse penis liberally with D-Con before penetration. Before fellating anonymous man in the back room of a bar, ask, "You don't have AIDS, do you?" Before using a condom, unroll it completely and check for holes. Before engaging in unsafe sex, take time out to hope for the best.
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